Marrying Someone With a different belief

My brother married a Girl raised JW, its very awkard especially when she makes comments about us but gets bent out of shape if we make comments back. We are Greek Orthodox, baptisms, weddings are big deals. We do birthdays, christmas and easter. No, we do not believe in the easter bunny and were not raised believing in Santa Claus. I feel her family didn't know how to react to us since we do not follow their normal 'script'.

After this, it was very important for me to marry somebody who was similar (catholic, lutheran). There are faiths that that can marry in the Orthodox church and no need to convert since we all do baptism. I got lucky I found a nice Greek boy. It does make celebrating holidays very easy and no issues with how to raise any kids.

I'm a catholic and DH is baptized reform, but doesn't believe or practice. My family didn't care so much so long as we got married in the church. We did that. We just had the marriage ceremony and no mass. It was a wonderful day.

We did talk about future children and they will be baptized in the catholic church. DH even surprised me the other day and said that he would be willing to go to church with me.

We are both agnostic. Before I met FH, I was offered to be baptized by my parent's church that I attended (because they made me).

I declined, because I had a lot of doubts. I questioned them a lot and never got good answers, I didn't believe the things they taught and they were severely judgemental to my lesbian friend who is Christian.

My advice is, if you do not wholly believe in the religion, do not convert. You're only lying to yourself, and you should absolutely not be made to believe anything you don't want to.

I remember writing a research paper on interfaith marriage when I was in college. I was taking an Anthropology class on Marriage and DH and I had just gotten engaged. I can't find it on my computer, but If I remember correctly, most of the studies that I looked at showed that it's not the couple having different faiths that cause problems, it's basically what Centerpiece said: differences in intensity. Couples are more likely to get divorced when one person goes to church/temple/mosque services multiple times a week and the other person goes once a year than when they both go the same amount but to different religious services.

I am a semi practicing Catholic. Fh is agnostic. Our boys attend Catholic school. Our boys and I attend mass when we can. Fh will come when it is a school event or holiday but rarely "just because". He atteneded a Baptist church when he was little but stopped going by age 12. We agree that we want our boys to be knowledgeable about religion and form their own choices as they get older.

As for kids asking, they do, and we explain Dad doesn't believe the same way I do and that's okay. God gets it that everybody is different and loves everyone whether they go to church or not. And we explain there is more then one religion and everybody looks at God a little different and may say different prayers or none at all. An that is all good.

Stephanie, I was referring to my FH - who will be the leader of our household as described in Ephesians 5, and many other scriptures. I have never been married before, so I'm not sure I understand your question. When I was a child, my father was the leader of our family. I adopted my kids as a single person, so, I have been the leader of my little family so far. When I chose a spouse, it was important for me that he be someone who I totally agreed with on the direction he would lead us (towards Christ) and someone who would be in line with the rest of that verse, which talks of sacrifice and loving me (and my kids) as Christ does, not someone who would abuse this to think he is superior over us, or someone who would lead us in a direction that I didn't believe.

I find this post kind of depressing, honestly. Going to church has nothing to do with belief in a higher power or the strength of a person's faith. It has more to do with the joy of community, the inspiration that is catalyzed by a charismatic minister/rabbi/pastor, and how each individual puts that faith to work in their daily life. When I go to my FB page and see 'Christians" using the Bible as a blunt object to attack gay couples, independent women, sex before marriage and a variety of other 'indecencies" and sins, it makes me physically sick.

The bible was written by humans who needed a political document at a time in history that was very problematic. If you're inspired, uplifted, comforted, spiritually informed or otherwise positively affected by it, fantastic. Even more so if you spread that positivity to others. But FSS, it's not like God sat down and dictated it.

I get so frustrated at these conversations and I will probably take this down because I honestly don't feel that my personal religious beliefs have anything to do with my couples and their ceremonies; a vast majority of our ceremonies are non religious. But using church-going as a test for your partners faith, either in god or in you, is short sighted. And fallible.

I'm a Catholic and my H is also Agnostic. We respect each other's beliefs and have the same values when it comes to family and love. We are very supportive of one another. Our ceremony was a non denominational one, with a blessing at the end.

Is this a question just of curiosity? Or one of needing reassurance?

If the latter, I feel like waiting until you are already engaged and planning your wedding is late in the process to be asking this question. I mean, now better than after the wedding I suppose. But this is a question for while you're dating, to find out how important it is to the two of you and whether it will work...for the two of you. It highly depends on the individuals and their dedication to their respective beliefs and practices, in my opinion.

I agree that church going shouldnt be the deciding factor Celia. For me i was simply stating that having the same beliefs (in god) was important to me personally. Not what anyone else should do for themselves.

FH and I are of the same faith as each other, but not the same faith as our families. Both FH and I are agnostic, we were both raised Roman Catholic. Since we don't consider ourselves religious we both agreed that having a non-denominational ceremony with an officiant is the best option for us. My family, especially my grandmother are very much an active members in the Catholic community and they definitely have opinions about our choice of ceremony.

I would like to add something to the religion vs. cultural identity part. Disclaimer: I'm not starting a debate and won't reply if someone tries to argue about it. I just want to share something I find to be very interesting.

In some areas of the world, religion is a huge factor regarding people's identity, and in some cases it may be the most important one. In the former Yugoslavia, there is barely any ethnic difference between Bosnians, Serbians and Croatians. While there are cultural and linguistic variances, the main difference is that they are, respectively, Muslim, Orthodox and Catholic. The Balkan war saw literally neighbours taking arms against neighbours, just based on their identity, which was the "label" of the religion they had. And something similar could be said about Lebanon - while there might be ethnic differences, a significant part of their "identity" comes from their religion, and religious differences played a huge role in their civil war, which was gruesome as well. Most of my Serbian, Croatian and Lebanese friends don't go to church, but they'll be quick to tell you whether they are Catholic, Orthodox or Muslim, because it defines who they are culturally.

Again, not saying this to contradict anybody, just wished to point out something I've always found very interesting - how religion goes beyond beliefs and takes the role of cultural identity in certain societies.

Celia, going to church as being about the "joy of community" is how you define it, but historically that's not how most religions define it and most organized religions today don't define it that way either. For a lot of denominations and religions, liturgy is extremely important. There are some liturgies that can trace their roots all the way back to 125 AD, and most Christian denominations who have some sort of Communion practice would tie their root of that to the Last Supper.

I get that not everyone believes that or thinks of church in that way. But to say "church is THIS" as though that's true for everyone is not appropriate. Your take on what church is and what the Bible is just that, your take on it.

But it was never supposed to be the be all end all of what makes you a believer.

Even the Bible infers that (ie. Jesus chewing out the pharacies (spelling) for being to literal)

drat: I knew i shouldn't have come back in there.

Church attendance is very important but not necessary to one’s faith, but it is important to commune and have the support of like believers when walking the faith.

Now Christians would believe that while the Bible was written by man, it was inspired by God. Those who tend to generalize the Bible also generalize God. A Christian shouldn't do that. According to the Bible Jesus is the only way to God. He is a living being who tells us He is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. As our creator He has set His standards by which He wants us to live. Our society is generalizing God, trying to reinvent and shape Him for the sake of political correctness. Society is creating a false god, much like the Israelite's did when Moses disappeared into the mountain for days and the people became discouraged.

But anyway, one beliefs, whatever you do believe, is very important and should be discussed before marriage, especially if/when children become involved.

Right, JoRocka. And I never said that it was the be all end all (nor do I use the term "believer"). Catholicism teaches that both faith AND works are important and necessary.

That's absolutely my personal take on it Rebecca. I was part of a UCC church staff for about 12 years (disorganized organized religion) and the UUA for some years before that. I know that what I said from the pulpit was far less important that what happened at coffee hour.

I think that part of the trend toward extinction of the 'traditional' church is that the beauty of the liturgy, the celebration of the church year and the meaning of the rituals is lost on people who are seeking a connection to god without all gatekeepers and rules.

This is really an 'agree to disagree' thing. For everyone who looks forward to traditional mass (and trust me, I have friends who mourn the demise of the Latin liturgy) there is someone who thinks Joel Ornstein is god's personal messenger.

Wow, this is turning into a serious religious debate. This isn't a forum on religious beliefs. Ultimately, all brides and grooms need to really know what each other thinks about faith, and also be really honest with themselves on what they think about faith. Celia said earlier that couples just need to put their relationship first. But, many, many religions teach that God should be first over the relationship. If partners are not on the same page with presuppositions like this, or if one or both partners is not honest with him/herself, there could be some serious relationship issues in the future. I think one of the reasons that divorce rates are increasing is because people aren't taking these seemingly "small" things seriously.

ETA: spelling

Good, thanks for clarifying. It's funny you mention the Latin liturgy - that's actually what I attend and what our wedding will be.

But... Joel Osteen... heck no. At least we can both agree on that.

@Celia and all really (haha) Yes, I agree that this thread has gotten depressing. This is not at all what I intended. I figured people in relationships - married, engaged, dating, etc. - like mine where you are interfaith would comment on their experiences. I was just interested to see how large a "community" there was of us, and perhaps I was wrong to do so. I really was not looking for a religious debate, for assurances of my relationship, for condemnations of my relationship, or anything of the sort. I was looking for a community of like minded individuals, I guess, would be the best explanation. I am truly, truly sorry to anyone who has been offended or hurt by anything I may have said or anything anyone else may have said as I am the one who started the conversation.

If someone knows how I can delete the thread, please let me know. I am new to the wedding wire forum aspect and am unsure of how to do this. If you can delete it on your own, please do so. I have learned my lesson and will not be bringing up religion in any future postings regardless of my intentions