Masks and pictures?

View Quoted Comment That would be a ridiculous expense that we cannot afford nor be willing to do. Glad you we’re willing and able to do that and have family support but we weren’t as fortunate

View Quoted Comment Thank you for your genuine and not bashing advice

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In the other poster's comment, I believe they were pointing to the combo of wedding during pandemic + tension about wearing masks. I personally think there are ways to have some kind of enjoyable wedding event during this time, but it will definitely not look like any of the pre-pandemic weddings I've been to.

It sounds like you have some high risk people in your family. The worst version of wedding memories isn't pictures in masks - it's wedding pictures where people aren't there anymore and it's linked to your wedding. That's like my nightmare every single night at this point - and I'm planning on being militant about masks to *hopefully* prevent that.

I would definitely ask him to remove his mask and if he refuses then I would ask him to get out of the pictures 🤷🏾‍♀️. But that’s just me personally

We did mandate masks for our guests. We warned people ahead of time so they'd be mentally prepared and I made masks for everyone, so they'd at least be in our wedding colors and wouldn't look depressing.

We all wish this wasn't happening, but it is happening, and preventing people wearing masks in your photos won't change that. It will mean that when you look back at your pictures you won't have an honest representation of what happened that day. This is similar to Emily's response, but I said many times before our miniwedding (we postponed the reception), that I'd rather look back at the pictures and see people in masks, than look at the pictures and see people who died because I didn't make everyone wear masks. We had a lot of pictures taken of just the two of us where we weren't wearing masks, but we put them on for every group photo and I'm so glad we did. Our wedding was the day after that one in Maine (google Maine wedding covid if you don't know what I mean) and no one has gotten sick.
You mentioned that you're doing this now because your dad is dying and I'm sorry you're going through that. But that's even more of a reason to make people wear masks! I don't know how much time he has left, but people who are at the end of their lives tend to be the most vulnerable to this coronavirus. My grandfather was diagnosed with a terminal illness about 10 days after our wedding and he will not make it to our reception. But he is alive today and probably will be for a little while longer. If I or someone else at my wedding had covid but was asymptomatic and had not been wearing a mask, we could easily have been planning his funeral right now. If that had happened, I would never want to look at my wedding photos again.

View Quoted Comment Actually, I am not that rich and I don't have family but we can brainstorm solutions together. I literally don't have family except for 2 people. I lost my parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles and it sucked. It's life but it doesn't mean I didn't fantasize about it none the less... I lost all of them when I was 30 so about 2-3 years ago. There were just things I couldn't change. Nobody understands more than me that you want your dad there. My budget was 2.5k.


So, can you postpone the big wedding? Is there contract problems? I know it's a pain but the goal is what you want.
Vow renewals can free... A park can be a free venue with very small groups usually. Check with local stuff but there are actually free venues for small groups that aren't parks too. Your backyard can be free and for 6 people total it can make sense. My venue was free. Your only expenses may be a photographer for an hour with this solution. You're not worried about anything being legal because you're already there. The dress is already bought. I mean it literally could be free if you don't have any extra details or you could add small flowers or any details you like. Maybe have a couple cupcakes for the cake and a home cooked meal.
The goal to the best of my knowledge is to have people comfortable without mask and no signs of a pandemic. The only way I know how to do that is if there is no pandemic

View Quoted Comment We cannot postpone for various reasons

View Quoted Comment Myself and many others at the wedding have to get tested weekly for covid because of our jobs so the likelihood of someone AT the wedding being positive is relatively low in that regard.


I’m asking the rest of the guests to try to get tested beforehand as well

View Quoted Comment Okay, but what can we do to get the pictures you want. Can we seat or place bil in a place where he won't be seen in the pictures wearing a mask and where he will be comfortable. If we place bil by himself/with household members for pictures would that be acceptable. Can we photoshop everyone together in the photos?




Would coordinating mask help or mask with the guest smiling mouth on them help as wedding favors?

View Quoted Comment We are talking specifically about the formal portraits. I don’t care so much about the candid shots he may be in. As for those, he refuses to stand by his own family members without a mask. Which is what leads me to believe that this is more than his health and safety concern. Like I said, we do not have a great relationship and FH asked him to be his best man out of obligation since they are brothers, but they have been arguing for years and do not often get along. BIL still goes out and lives his life as he did pre-covid, including travel and being around others in groups, but decided that now was a time to raise these concerns.

View Quoted Comment I get there are probably more family politics that can ever be understood in this post. This may be more of spite than safety on his part. I genuinely don't have any clue about this person.




However, unless he is refusing to take off the mask for solo pictures where he is 13 ft away from everyone in an outdoor environment or he is only with his partner / housemates / social bubble he would normally not wear a mask around... It's a reasonable request on his part... I don't see this as unreasonable.


The last question is more of a fix after the fact, can we photoshop the photos to add him in it? Can we take the photos with a green screen to make it easier to put him in them? Can we un-groomsmen him of he is causing this much issues (fh sounds like it isn't great on his end either)? I mean it sounds like you're going to have political problems either way so do the one that makes you happy. People don't magically behave on your wedding day if they cause you problems on the daily. I am only looking for the things we can control. Can we accessorize the mask with your theme so you mind them less?

I am very pro you, but I am just trying to throw solutions that might work.

I just have to add that, if you're going to get married in the middle of a pandemic, masks simply come with the territory. I don't think it's reasonable to expect someone to remove their mask just for the sake of nice looking formal portraits.

View Quoted Comment Yes, agreed!

Having a wedding during a pandemic means there will be masks involved. Period. Just as having a wedding during rain means there will be umbrellas.


I am sorry about your father. To me, that's more the reason to mandate masks. Wearing a mask protects others more than yourself.
Where I'm at, masks are required. If you're hosting a private event, you can and should make the invite conditioned on wearing a mask for the health and safety of everyone.
I got this idea from someone else, but you could have the photographer take head shots of the brother maskless, while he's standing alone. He can pose masked in group photos, and the photographer can photoshop his unmasked head on.
I get that there may be unrelated family drama going on, and the mask may be a pretext. But if my FH asked me to kick my sibling out of family photos rather than have them in the photos masked, I'd be calling off the wedding.

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I can't imagine going anyplace where masks aren't required, honestly.

They are required around me, and I still see lots of people without them, and it terrifies me. Please remember that there was a wedding in Maine that didn't mandate masks or social distancing, and now there is a massive outbreak associated with it. They have traced the wedding to cases in schools, jails, and at least one death.

If anything, you'll see pictures of people with masks and remember that they loved you enough to come celebrate with you, but loved you even more by trying to protect you.

View Quoted Comment Perhaps it is out of concern for their safety & welfare. You’re asking a lot to put people at risk and are trying to construe some underlying motive when he is telling you his reasons at face value. Maybe try being a little more accepting, understanding and gracious when people explain how they feel.


As for your dying father, my FMIL is literally in her death bed so we changed things and held a ceremony by her bedside. We wore masks the entire time for everyone’s safety...not just our’s, not just her’s, but everyone. That was her dying wish and it was perfect! It wasn’t the wedding we would have envisioned originally but it was real and that’s life.
Although We previously postponed our bigger celebration anyway because we did not feel comfortable putting people in a situation like the one you’re describing. I can’t even begin to imagine giving anyone, and especially a close family member, a difficult time about wearing a mask during a pandemic. If masks are optional anyway, then what’s the problem? He’s clearly exercising his right to wear one.
As for your issues with your future in laws, a wedding is about the bringing together of two families, not just the marriage between you and your future spouse. I hope you can take that much into consideration, find a resolution that benefits and respects everyone in this situation and be blessed.

I understand your feelings at this time and moment but I wouldn't expect him to do so have him where a humorous mask to take pix with... I couldn't imagine telling my bro oh since u wont take the mask off you can't take pix with us... not happening

I would like to add the possibility of chroma green mask. They are easier to photoshop. Think first lady rnc dress where we can impose anything we want on it easily example. Green screens are 14 bucks. You could impose any image like bil having his mouth or a cat mouth, or something that you will like better than a mask.




(No politics please / this is an example of what a green screen mask could do with a plethora of examples. Memes are fun).

The BM doesn't get to dictate the standards at the wedding. You deserve to have pictures without a reminder of this horrible pandemic. I would hold your ground and let him step down if he wants to. He can come with a mask on, but he can't tell others what to do, and he needs to take the mask off for at least one picture or he won't be in them. Period.

View Quoted Comment We can’t get an unmasked picture of him in order to photoshop if he will not take off his mask. He has made that abundantly clear, that he will not be taking off his mask at all, and will likely not be staying through the reception.