Masks and pictures?

The forever present question to wear or not wear masks. I understand his precautions to stay healthy as well as yours in not wanting him to wear a mask in the professional photographs. why not better put a spin on it? You could invest in some carefree fun masks that depict each person (animal lover, sport enthusiasts, emojis, etc) or just have personalized masks that carry on with your wedding theme for group photos and/or as Katie suggested do Individual photos. For my wedding portraits we have chosen to provide reusable themed masks for all guests to use if they want to wear and also keep as a keepsake of the day. When the time comes to take the professional portraits we will go with the flow.

View Quoted Comment That's great, but the tests aren't 100% accurate and you can still become infected after being tested, so it's still safer to make people wear masks.

View Quoted Comment Ours aren’t the ones you get through CVS or UrgentCare, so they are more sensitive. We get contacted through our state department of health if we test positive, activating immediate quarantine and contact tracing; or have an inconclusive test so yes they are reliable

View Quoted Comment It sounds like they have a solid testing and tracing program in your area but that doesn't mean the tests are completely reliable. The PCR/RNA/molecular tests are better than the antigen (rapid) tests, but no test picks up every case. There are a lot of factors that could make you receive a false negative including whether or not the person performing the test hits the exact spot where you have the highest number of viral cells and how recently you contracted the virus if you have it.


You said that you're making masks optional but you're mad that your fiancé's brother says he'll wear one in photos. You asked if other people required masks and had them in photos. You've given reasons for why you don't want to postpone. And you've gotten a lot of responses from people politely telling you that you should welcome masks at your wedding. A few people have even offered concrete solutions to make the idea of masks more palatable. You can do whatever you want at your own wedding, but trying to explain why masks aren't necessary is not going to make the threat of covid at your wedding disappear.
Please read this:
https://www.healthline.com/health-news/how-a-small-wedding-in-maine-became-a-deadly-covid-19-superspreader

View Quoted Comment I wouldn’t call the responses I’ve gotten “polite” and I’m pointing out that I do not necessarily believe that he is pursuing this out of concern for his health. I am also not saying I do not want guests to wear masks at my wedding. I said in the original post that masks are optional for guests and I don’t care if they wear them—I’m only asking that they take them off in the formal portraits that we will have forever.


I’m familiar with the case in Maine and also know that there are wedding where this is NOT the case. And also ways that covid can spread outside the wedding.
Talking about my frequent—reliable, accurate, and enforced—testing and contact tracing since I work in healthcare is noteworthy because it illustrates what we have been doing to mitigate the risk and decrease the potential of anyone having covid being present at the wedding.

View Quoted Comment Your wedding seems about as low risk as possible. Skip the masks, ignore people telling you they are necessary, let the BM make whatever decision he wants about whether or not to go. Everyone has a different risk tolerance, not worth fighting people on it. But it sounds highly unlikely your event would become a superspreader event

View Quoted Comment If people are so concerned about their health stay home!!

I think it's completely inappropriate to ask someone you care about to compromise their health and safety for the purpose of photos. Masks do a better job of protecting other people than the person wearing them. Collectively, they work by "you protect me, and I protect you" - they are a collective effort. If your FH's brother/best man wants to wear a mask because he feels it is the responsible thing to do, and is willing to attend your event despite the fact that no one else is likely to be showing him the same consideration, then I think you should be grateful. Not including him in photos would be petty, and I'm willing to bet that years from now you (or at least your husband) will be more upset if you don't have any photos of his bro than having photos with him where he happens to be wearing a mask.

I do think its totally appropriate to ask that whatever mask he wears goes with the overall color scheme/theme - avoiding bold prints in favor of a mask that matches his suit for example.

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That doesn't seem to be acceptable to the OP either based on what has been posted.

View Quoted Comment Actually, that IS what we are encouraging and what we have told BIL. He is under no obligation to go

My FH and I made the decision to have a mask free wedding. We are keeping to a small wedding (10 ppl) and then invited a few friends, but let them know in advance that our guests would not be required to wear masks and it is likely that no one will. They declined based on that and we completely understood.


My FH brother (best Man as well) asked if his wife and kids could come, but we didn't want those awkward photos of his family wearing a mask 6 feet from us. The brother understands that he won't be wearing a mask. He does have to quarantine and take a COVID test prior to entering his house after the wedding. So he'll be quarantining for at least 3 or 4 days then taking a test.
Our wedding is outside and we both agreed early on that if people were uncomfortable with our decisions then they are free to not come. I think about it like this, that is on them not us. We don't need to sacrifice everything to please anyone else but the two of us.
I think your FH should have a serious conversation with his brother. IDEA: take pictures with the brother first.... would that make him more comfortable.
Also, all you people commenting with negativity must have a perfect life and wedding to be judging someone else so harshly. I'm disappointed. You can offer suggestions without calling someone selfish and any other negative thing that was said.

View Quoted Comment I was also shocked at the level of negativity and judgment on this post. Thank you so much for your comment and suggestion/weighing in with what you’re doing with your wedding. I’ll bring it up to husband and see if this is something BIL will accept. If not, it is upsetting that he is being this difficult

View Quoted Comment I hope you nothing but the best! This is a special day and you should do what you feel comfortable with and if ppl aren't okay with that I personally wouldn't care to have them there. I also have an idc attitude! LOL

I had the same situation. One of my bridesmaids said she refused to take the mask off...even for pictures. She had a few other excuses about coming (she’s from out of state). Ultimately I said I wouldn’t budge because we are paying a lot of money for our pictures and we don’t want to look back on our day and have one bridesmaid with a mask on in all of the pictures. I ended up telling her maybe it’s best that she doesn’t come if she’s so concerned about Covid and because of all of her other “concerns” (money, traveling, etc.)
Luckily, I have a good friend who stepped up and instantly agreed to take her spot so things wouldn’t be off number wise... 🤷‍♀️ I feel bad for being that person...but at the same time, this is a big day and I want it to be perfect... as perfect as it can be given the circumstances we’re in.

View Quoted Comment These people are nuts and judgy on this forum. Just because someone asks for advise doesnt mean you attack them. I think anything goes during this time. Im having a wedding outdoors inviting my entire guest list. Then the celebration after for only close family. People on this forum where like you cant do that you have to feed them. Shut up. My family actually loved the idea and they want to see us get married but are not comfortable going to a reception.


Again everyone has the right to NOT COME if they dont feel comfortable!

Hi clare. my wedding is next week and I have the same feelings as you. I am not going to require or say anything but my hope is for pictures we won't have to wear masks as I am happy to separate everyone by family and keep everyone spread out. I have a seating chart by family and I have 35 people at the wedding. I don't think it is very nice for someone to say that you are self fish for wanting a normal wedding. We are in a pandemic but life doesn't stop. I will always respect others decisions and not want them to feel uncomfortable. I will have antibacterial and i have paid extra for COVID precautions for the food at the wedding and will be served to everyone. I am not going to worry about it. I am going to let it be and let people do what they feel most comfortable with. I work in healthcare so I don't want to wear a mask as I already wear on 12 hours a day and I do self quarantine on usual basis as I only go to work and the grocery store for the most part. I planned this wedding two years ago and don't want to wait when this will most likely be still going on next year. Sure there is a vaccine coming out next month but we don't know much about it yet either. I feel comfortable washing my hands and keeping my groups small and only having family and a few close friends. Many of my friends and family cancelled coming and while i am disappointed I understand and wouldn't make them feel bad. Cheers!

Save yourself the stress and just not include him. I would lose my mind if anyone took a picture or posted a picture of me wearing a mask on my wedding day. If he doesn't feel safe he can just stay home.

We are in a pandemic. Masks and social distancing are the #1 way to protect yourself from the virus. I understand you do not want photos of people wearing masks, but it's unacceptable to mandate what someone else does for their own health/safety. If you do not like him wearing a mask, simply do not include him in the photos and tell him why. If you feel so strongly about it, there shouldn't be an issue bringing it up. If you are hesitant it will make you look selfish, or upset him for not including him, then you should re-consider if including your brother (BIL) or people not wearing masks is more important.

It's unfortunate that the pandemic has caused such a disruption to the wedding industry (my wedding included), but as a bride who is choosing --at the end of the day we ARE choosing -- to have our wedding during this time, we cannot take it personally if people do not want to attend, if they want to wear a mask, or if they want to leave directly after the ceremony. If you are inviting people you love, you should be more concerned with how they feel about their personal safety than pictures.

Just my two cents. Not attacking, but I seriously would urge you to reconsider what is really a priority. If it is pictures with no mask, do not invite your BIL to be apart of the photos, if it is having your BIL in the photos and remembering the day, I wouldn't fuss too much about the mask being in the photo.

Good luck!

View Quoted Comment Our wedding was 10/24. My BIL is known for being dramatic, self-centered, and elitist. He has been hurtful to my husband throughout our engagement and wedding. Ultimately, we asked him to step down entirely and my husband asked his friend to step up to be his best man instead, and was much happier with this. Unrelated to the masks.


As I’ve said: I didn’t mind if our guests wore masks. I just asked that our bridal party and immediate families did not for the portraits only. It took all of about 30 minutes. Many of our guests did wear masks. We had them available at the ceremony/venue. I tested negative for work before the wedding. As did many of our guests.
This was about my BIL. As it always was. It wasn’t ultimately about his health. If it was, he should have made the decision to tell us that he did not feel comfortable attending our wedding—way before the fact. There wouldn’t have been hard feelings. But this is par for the course for him. I think I’m allowed to be upset that he’s caused so much upset in general with how he (and other things with my in-laws) handled things.
We’re now weeks out. We have all since tested negative multiple times. We got our mask free pictures. Thanks for all the replies although much of them were filled with judgment. Good luck in your respective weddings.

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Claire-

I'm glad you got the wedding you wanted. I didn't mean any judgement by my response, so sorry if you took it that way. At the end of the day, people need to do what is best for their health, even if it's just removing masks for 30 minutes or not. It's a frustration for a LOT of brides, but i'm glad you were able to get exactly what you wanted.

Wishing you the best future!