Matron of Honor help!!

I feel like a lot of girls have this issue😕 Honestly it isn’t the maid/matron of honors duty to be in charge of all the bachelorette and shower details. She really just needs to stand by your side on the day of. If she isn’t reaching out to you or other bridesmaids, maybe you can create a group text with everyone and let them know your thoughts on things and get some ideas/plans together😊

We’re going through a worldwide pandemic. People are losing their jobs, dealing with mental health issues, physical health issues, etc. Your wedding is 6 months away. I’m sure she has other priorities right now. Not only that, but her only responsibility is to purchase the attire that you choose and be there for the wedding. Anything else is a bonus.

View Quoted Comment We have a group message going and she has given little to no input. I would never expect her or any of my bridal party to plan everything for me especially because my mom is super involved. I’m going to revisit the Bach thing after my state opens up if there’s time before the wedding. We may just forgo the whole thing and it saves her from having to do anything. It just sucks that I’m going to have to look at pictures and know that my matron of honor didn’t want to be there. I even gave her the chance before formally asking to say no because I know the commitment it is. I just thought she would be a little happier for me considering I’m there for anything she needs anytime she needs it.

View Quoted Comment Absolutely! I don’t expect her to be anything more than there, but she doesn’t even seem like she wants to be that. This has been going on since before this pandemic also. I was engaged in November and it started then. I am fully sensitive to the pandemic and what’s going on. That’s why I haven’t addressed it. But one day, it’s going to be over and life will resume.

View Quoted Comment Ugh, I’m sorry😕 Yeah I would just plan without her then. If she wants to be involved, she’ll respond. Good luck with everything!!

View Quoted Comment That’s the plan now. We’ve decided to just do the Bach thing up in the mountains where I live tentatively. Just simple, outdoorsy stuff, with a free place for everyone to stay. Weddings just bring this kind of stuff out, I guess! Thank you 💕

Take a deep breath and realize that there is A LOT going on right now! It's a real struggle for some people to even get out of bed right now because of the fear of the pandemic, and it could be that she's got a lot on her plate!

Have you reached out to her? It might be that she doesn't realize that she's supposed to do certain things, not everyone is wedding savvy! My MOH is not a wedding person, but she is my best friend and I wouldn't dream of other person EVER taking her place! If one of your other wedding party people wants to do the other things then let them. The place of MOH is for the most important person in your life, OUTSIDE of the wedding drama!

hope that helps!

If she is your best friend, then of course you made the right choice! The only thing a MOH is “supposed to do” is stand by your side on your wedding day. Have you talked to her directly about your expectations and what you described as her commitments? Honestly, I consider myself fairly low key as well, and until I joined these forums, I had no idea all the expectations and pressure brides put on their MOH/bridesmaids...she may not realize where she’s falling short of your ideals. I hope you can work through it, friendships are so important right now!

View Quoted Comment I appreciate that so much! And I absolutely agree. I tried to make it so clear that everything was going to be as easy I could make it so that everyone could enjoy the party. Me and one of my bridesmaids drove to the rest of my bridesmaids in SC to dress shop, my venue is a large cabin where everyone and their SOs could stay, my close friend was helping me with makeup, I would help do hair, all meals were covered. I also just wanted to do a little Bach in Greenville where they all live and I would get the suite. I was just hoping to get some help on things that would be fun for everyone since we have some younger girls and the best things to add to my registry since she’s done it. Nothing more than you usually do for a friend. I still absolutely love her and I’ve communicated that if she couldn’t or didn’t want to help for any reason, I wouldn’t be upset. I’m just sad because I was looking forward to doing something fun with my best friend. ❤️

I think it’s a pretty common issue that not everyone is as excited as we had hoped. For me I remember feeling that way and expressing to my bridal party that it felt kind of disappointing people weren’t as enthusiastic but I know it’s also cause people are caught up in their lives too. After that they showed more enthusiasm.

We all know there's a lot going on right now ... But still as a BEST friend , she should still be interested. I feel this same way about two of my bridesmaids. Like you , I've been engaged since November. They NEVER ask about my wedding. Not even before this virus. Only time they asked was to ask if I was still having it smh. I definitely understand your feelings! It's very annoying and sad feeling. But maybe since she is your MOH, just tell her you'd like her help or ask if she wants to help you plan.

View Quoted Comment You told them directly it didn't seem like they were excited? I haven't thought about doing that.. What did they say?

View Quoted Comment The way I said it was more so that I would appreciate if they could just respond more timely. Because they would legit not reply back in dayssssssss. And then I got kind of disappointed about I guess it felt like they weren’t that excited overall. And they said Aw yea we are sorry about that, we can try to be a little more present.

View Quoted Comment Two of mine do the same thing or not respond at all.. Maybe I should try that lol.

The best advice I was ever given during the early stages of planning was “no one is ever going to be as excited about your wedding as you are. Not even your future husband.” And it’s usually soooo true. Haha


I am pretty type-A though so I wanted to do most things myself anyway (my husband would joke around saying “I can’t wait to see what you have planned for our wedding!” Lol.) so if I needed an opinion it would be final stages of “option A or B?”
Honestly, though, I suggest having a heart to heart with her and see where her head’s at— how she’s doing in general, does she want to be in this wedding, how’s work. She might have a lot going on personally especially with everything going on in the world. Brides get so wrapped up in their wedding planning world that they sometimes forget that their bridesmaids are human being with their own lives and sometimes brides need to check up on their girls too.

I completely understand how you feel and have a similar situation. It’s disappointing when you chose this person to have a major role in your life and wedding and they seem disinterested or disconnected. I think that no matter what anyone says, there are typical expectations that every Bride has for their MOH, other than just showing up. Only you know your MOH best... I would ask myself these things: is she typically disengaged with plan making or spending time together? Is she distant currently about everything or just the wedding? Some people just aren’t planners by nature. Could she seem not interested because she’s just a hands off go with the flow type of person? If no, then is she currently reacting the same way to everything in her life or just your wedding prep? If she’s reacting the same to all then likely something is going on with her and it’s not personal to you. But if also no, then something is obviously causing her to behave differently towards the wedding and you won’t be able to know what or fix the situation so there are no underlying resentments unless you talk to her.

Reach out to her find out if there’s anything going on that may be preventing her from being there for you that she maybe embarrassed to speak on such as finances etc. If there is nothing outside the ordinary going on with her let her know how you feel if she steps up let her keep her role but also show tons of gratitude to the bride’s maid who did in her absence. If she doesn’t ask the maid who has stepped up to take her place and work on the friendship once you’re done with tending to the wedding.