Matron of Honor missing Bachelorette party

I would be so hurt if this were me. As mentioned before, I agree that she wouldn’t have known about her friend’s shower interfering with your Bach party so it’s hard to be upset with her, but I would hope that my sister would prioritize the bachelorette if she was my maid of honor and you care about her being a part of that day more than anyone else. In the end it’s her choice and I wouldn’t let this ruin your relationship, but maybe just mention how you wish she could be there

I'm so sorry, I would be extremely hurt if I were in your shoes. Sister/MOH at bachelorette party should trump attending someone's baby shower hands down. I would have an honest talk with her and let her know how you feel.

Sure I'd be a little hurt for like 5 minutes. It's a bachelorette party. It's not your wedding day. Just because she's choosing to go to a baby shower instead of a bachelorette party does not mean that she thinks you're "less important". Honestly (and please know that this is not meant to be rude), I think you need to change your way of thinking. I didn't even have a bachelorette party or engagement party since in my opinion they are not important. Remember that her friend is having a baby and didn't plan this on purpose to take place at the same time as your bachelorette party. Let your sister go to the baby shower without making her feel guilty for having other friends and obligations. You can still have your time with your other friends and plan another day with just you and your sister.

View Quoted Comment All of our other wedding plans have cancelled due to covid, so this is important to me. I’ve had two bridesmaids back out due to travel restrictions, so it is important for my sister to be there when I need her.

The ordinary wedding is a 8-10 hour commitment including getting ready, which may be at home. and 3-4 hours x3 for a shower, bach, and rehearsal/ RD, and a few hours planning if the BM/ MOH has volunteered to help give it. And attending any party is optional, anytime, for BM and MOH. By planning a destination wedding you have taken multiple days beyond that. But you cannot expect people to give you all of those many days. In a non- destination wedding you would have no rights to the time outside a dinner, and the wedding, and you don't here. The others dropping out should have been a big warning. I am sorry if your group cannot get together any other time. But parties are generated by the friends, for the bride, and half the bridal party is not on board with it. It happens when you plan a party for yourself and what you want, and do not consider the wishes of 3 members of your wedding party out of 5.

I think your sister is in the wrong here IMO. I'm completely shocked that so many PPs have told you to brush it off and get over it. Unless she is the host of this baby shower, she shouldn't be prioritizing some friend's baby shower over her own SISTER'S bachelorette. I'd tell her how you really feel and be honest with her.

View Quoted Comment I agree with you, I can't believe people think that this is something that she should get over.


She has ever right to be upset and every right to let her sister know how she is feeling.

View Quoted Comment As someone who got married without any of her family present, I understand you completely. However I don't think getting upset and telling her you are that she's choosing a baby shower over your bachelorette party will solve anything.


Additionally, the person having their baby may also feel slighted that her friend is choosing a bachelorette party over her baby shower. In my opinion it's a no win without with a large likelihood that someone will end up upset or offended.
Your events were cancelled as were many others. I would just prepare yourself for the fact that your sister may still choose to go to the baby shower even after you tell her.
And I do not subscribe to that whole belief that "those who really want to be there will make it happen". That is unrealistic and sets you up to be let down. Again, this is just my opinion however, if it was me, I'd tell my sister to go to the baby shower and we can hang out another day.

To me, I feel like she should prioritize your Bach over a shower. She can literally send a gift, she would be missing the experience of your whole weekend. I would personally be a little upset. Why does the baby shower immediately trump the weekend she already committed to? And for her sisters at that?

The other comments are probably the healthy, mature way of handling it. But I would honestly be really upset about this if it were me! She could have easily told the friend that she already committed to your Bach and that she would make sure to give her her shower gift beforehand. That's just kind of a slap in the face to have your sister tell you a shower that will last a couple of hours trumps your one Bach weekend.

I would let her know that it bothered me!

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Agree completely! I hate how normal it's become to brush so many things off - you're getting married! You're allowed to have some expectations, especially of your sister and MOH

Maybe try seeing if she can step away from the bachelorette party for an hour or so to participate virtually at the shower! With Covid virtual is so common now that the mom to be should be understand and helpful!

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But why is the bachelorette the one to be trumped over? She made that obligation first, and she's the MOH. The purpose of a baby shower is literally just to get gifts for the baby - I can't imagine missing my sister's bachelorette, or anything that I've committed to for her as a bride, to attend something that would be acceptable to simply drop off/send a gift.

View Quoted Comment It actually was a collaboration and everyone had already agreed on the day. They did not want to take time for additional things so we all agreed to plan it in the same weekend. I also did not plan a party for myself, as I stated in the original thread, my MOH was helping me and coordinating with the other bridesmaids. There is no way I could have taken the other 2 dropping out as a warning. One got pregnant and understandably had to. The other has health concerns that weren’t a concern at the time of planning. I just feel that my Sister should be there for me over a friend that she barely knows.

She's your sister you need to sit down and talk with her. It's your big day. Could she maybe go see her friend in the morning and be back in time for you bachelorette party?

View Quoted Comment I didn't say it SHOULD be trumped over. All I said was that her sister told the OP that she was going to attend the baby shower instead. That's all. What I'm saying is that her sister made her decision. What does telling her how upset you'd be change?


Also, maybe try and put yourself in the pregnant woman's shoes. If it's her first child she's probably going to be upset her friend is declining a baby shower to attend a bachelorette party. Either way someone isn't going to be happy.
I get that her sister committed. She committed before her friend was pregnant and before they planned a baby shower. The OP literally said they were going kayaking and getting their nails done. I guess she can just tell her pregnant friend that her sister told her she couldn't attend the baby shower because getting their nails done was more important.
The OP said she wanted her sister there but didn't want to cause problems and asked what she should do. I gave her my opinion. I think you just let it go and move on with life.

The original shower date was also supposed to be in May and the mom to be rescheduled to my wedding weekend. My sister is also coming into town for my wedding festivities on Thursday and is going 2 hours away for this since it just popped up. I would understand if it were a best friend and the friend had originally chosen that date. However, mine was planned first, I’m her sister, she’s the MOH, and she’s ditching our plans. I’m just super disappointed and don’t want to be overreacting, but there’s already been so much that has made this wedding difficult and that’s not something I can understand and move past.

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I don't see the need in putting myself in her shoes - she planned a baby shower and one of her friends already had obligations, I feel like it should kind of be a case closed thing. What she is doing for her bachelorette isn't really relevant. I would be more worried about my sister thinking I didn't find her bridal functions important, rather than my friend who planned her event second - and it's an event I can send a gift to and be done with it. And as far as I k now, this is her first marriage, first wedding etc. - no less important than a first child. I just think people's wedding and activities are so easily brushed off as not important, it's kind of hurtful. Just a difference of priorities! Agree to disagree.

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You're not wrong, not one bit, for being upset about it! Your sister just basically said "Hey sorry gal, I know you planned this event to honor and celebrate you and your upcoming wedding, but something else came up and I would rather do that". That's hurtful - she is your sister and your MOH. You shouldn't lose your mind over it, but I think it's worth mentioning that it hurts your feelings. As it should

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If I were the pregnant mom-to-be in this situation, I would INSIST that this friend not attend my baby shower and instead attend her SISTER'S bachelorette, which had been planned long before anyway. I just....I have no words.... Should definitely be cased closed.

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Could not agree more. I couldn't imagine being the mom-to-be and willingly asking for my friend to miss her sister's Bach.