Matron of Honor Zilla

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The only people who have to plan the wedding are you and your FH. Thats it. There are no dates or planning meetings anyone else has to attend. Additional parties are voluntary, not required, and you should not be involved with them as you do not host a party in your own honor. If someone wants to throw you a Shower or Bachelorette they will volunteer to do so. I spoke to my bridesmaids as a group about the wedding maybe three or four times. I asked them all individually. Then I a created a facebook group to the website for the dresses, and asked them to pick one they liked in the color I choose and let me know which one. Then I messaged them a few months later to confirm who wanted hair and make up. We used the chat twice more, once to see if anyone wanted to get their nails done when I was going, and once to hand out rehearsal dinner information. Other than that I had no reason to speak to them as a group in regards to the wedding. FH and I did all the planning, and the girls volunteered and planned my Shower and Bach without me, and jsut let me know when to attend etc.

As far as the dress, if she agreed on a price and you have given her a couple of options and then jsut let her know you are willing to maybe look at one or two more but ultimately it needs to be something in the color you choose that you both agree on.

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Glad that worked for you. I have people from out of time and a lot of girls. I am not expecting much...

View Quoted Comment But it’s not just me it’s worked for. It’s everyone I know that’s had a wedding I’ve been a part of or attended events for. I don’t know anyone who had wedding party meetings. I also don’t know anyone who sends group texts as pretty much everyone I know as been annoyed by group texts for the last decade.

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Three of the five bridesmaids I had were out of state for my wedding planning, and everything worked out fine with me only communicating the necessary information to them, which was "here is the site to buy your dress, and the length/color, please pick your own" "Here are the hair and make up prices, please confirm with me which services you want" "Here is the rehearsal information and the hotel" and "Anyone interested in getting nails done" No meetings are necessary and if your friends don't care about a group chat (mine didn't but we also only used it those four times) then that's fine but theres no reason to meet in person a ton.

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You just said you sent them things as a group... just like I just said I did. Did none of your people respond when you asked them what dress they wanted or color or what not? She is not replying to these simple things.

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I'm sure its a thing in more than one place that is how I know about it...

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Sometimes people didn't remember to reply to the group. I just gave that person a week and then messaged them separately. I didn't think anything of it. Some people aren't good at getting back via social media and some are.

My point was more - you don't need meetings. I never send don't send messages. Sending messages is fine but only about the things they 100% need to know. No additional planning involved and no reason to meet in person.

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Ok... You got it!

Hi! Personally I get the organized thing. I'm a big planner and communicator. I do have a group chat and bc I love my bms and they are all friends no one minds it in the least! Sometimes not everyone messages back but like was mentioned earlier, I will private message them a bit later if it's info I really need from them. As a bride and former many time bridesmaid I love the idea of get togethers and hope to do a bm luncheon or two as a fun way to talk about plans. I don't expect everyone to always attend but hey they're suppose to be your friends helping you get married right so I see no problem in setting these things up lol

It’s ok to expect your very best girlfriends will be there for you when you need them to be. When you are a girl and thinking about your wedding day most envision their best girlfriends being along side for the ride and there to bounce ideas to off of. There is nothing wrong with that. I’m sure you are not asking them to put their lives on hold for your wedding. If your MOH is not being supportive in the way you’d like talk to her and express that you need her there. Yes I am planning my wedding and my honorary MOH (haven’t officially asked yet) is my go to person and will be helping me with favors and all.

View Quoted Comment Again I’m not asking much and that’s your opinion. I just want things to be right and I know they would want the same thing at their special time.

View Quoted Comment See, I’m glad someone understand what I am trying to say.

View Quoted Comment I’m so glad people understand what I am saying. I don’t want anyone to stop their lives I just want everyone on the same page

View Quoted Comment Nope, no wedding party meetings here. There’s absolutely no need for them. If any of the weddings I was in requested one I would have laughed and said no thanks, call me later with the details.

View Quoted Comment You are reading into this way too deep smh

First, I am so sorry that you are having this problem. I'm not usually an advice giver, but in this case I will only say that if you have tried to talk it out face to face and this person will still not cease hurting you, then it would be in your best interest to ask them politely to attend as a guest. I came to this thread to find advice myself even though I pretty much have my decision made, but here is my backstory that I'll share in the hopes that it might help you. In the meantime stay strong and if you are a believer, know that God has a plan.

I have had this very issue with my sister in law, who is my matron of honor. She has ruined each of my wedding events and each of my visits home to plan, caused enormous drama, pitting family members against each other, and saying horrible things to me and about me. She has called me names over the phone and via email, made me repeatedly apologize to her for not making her feel more included even though I asked her to help me with favors, wedding dress selection, bridesmaid dress selection, hair and makeup and florist, etc. She refused to do what I wanted for my bachelorette party, a spa day, and asked my mother and sister to do something else for the party instead. Needless to say, I never had a bachelorette party at all. The last straw was that she didn't show up to my bridal shower and then told me I was a cruel and manipulative person after I told her that it hurt my feelings.

This drama has been going on for months and months and has effected my physical and mental health as well as my fiance's. At some point, you have to say enough is enough.

My wedding is in three weeks and I plan to tell her that she is now welcome to attend as a guest, but not as my matron of honor. And frankly, I think that's generous. I'm sorry this was so long, but I hope that you know that your day is about you and you deserve to be happy.

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After reading what you are dealing with I have it easy. I really think she is wishing she would have done some of the things I'm doing for my wedding at hers and she's jealous.

Maybe so. And I can imagine that it's not making you feel very good. Just know that it's your day and it's supposed to be the best day of your life and your future husband's life. Whatever you decide, it's your decision and your life. No one else's.

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I totally agree. I hope your wedding day is amazing!

Thank you, and yours too!