Me My Husband and Our Combined Family

Combining families is extremely stressful, and I think it's very rarely smooth sailing. So I would think about it as a process, and wouldn't think about separation yet.

Have you thought about house rules that should apply to all the kids? In other words, think about it as all kids have to do X and Y, and are not allowed to do Z? That may help move the conversation from *your kids - my kids* to what's important for your family to function properly. Also, do you have access to any form of counseling?

Yes blending families are hard. I would sit down with him alone and talk about how you both feel parenting should be done. Come to an agreement and make house rules like Mrs. S. said that all the kids must follow

We have had a couple sessions with my pastor and first lady as far as counseling but we never finished and we have set rules but my hubby goes against me he says yes when I say no

Do the same rules apply to all the kids?

Yes

I'd strongly suggest seeking some counseling from a trained and licensed professional (a therapist, LCSW, psychologist, etc.).

Then you should definitely do counseling, and I agree with Leanna, it should be a licensed professional.

In meantime, do you think he understands how important it is for kids that everyone in the house is on the same page?

Well he may be dealing with some guilt issues because he is not in the home with them. He may feel like he has to overcompensate by letting them do what they want. He is what is referred to as "The Icecream Dad." I am not sure what happened with their mother, but that sounds like an issue he has to come to grips with before he can even see how it affects you and your family as a whole.

Was this an issue before the marriage?

Yes I agree chauncia j I think he does things & do not realize how it affects us, yes this is an ongoing issue

Well then it comes down to if he is not ready to address it in his life, IMO you may have to think about separation because what are you showing your children about self-worth? and how important they? and whether their voice matters? Especailly if you have daughters. At the end of the day its your decision.

And that's the issue because he doesn't see how he treats the kids differently but do and I want my kids to feel comfortable and I don't think they are they get yelled at but his kids don't

I have twin boys and we share a daughter and he has 1 of each his daughter just recently stopped coming because she doesn't want too she is 8 my boys are 9 his son is 6 he still comes and we share a 3 yr old daughter

How is he with the daughter you both share?

He gets on her too doesn't let her get away with much he says I spoil her

Definitely try counseling and see it that helps. But, Ultimately if your children are uncomfortable and resentful to him and his kids, it will cause a huge problem later on down the line.

We need counseling but I don't know if he is willing to try anymore

If not...there's your answer.

A couple of sessions of pastor that you never finished doesn't count as a whole lot of trying. Neither does 6 months of being married. So yeah, if he doesn't want to give a shot to counseling, you've got your answer. But I really hope you give it a try!

Thats an issue that should have definitely been addressed prior to marriage. Hindsight is always 20/20. Do you want to continue with the marriage?

The issue was addressed just not effectually resolved, apart of me wants to stay and work things out but then again I can't be the only one trying and who wants the marriage to work. I don't want to be married to someone who doesn't want to be married to me