Micro Wedding

A lot of restaurants have private spaces that can accommodate large groups so it’s totally doable. It can’t just be what your FH wants. You two need to sit down and compromise.

If you want to invite friends then you should. It is up to them whether they attend or not. Think about a couple of individuals who you really want there and invite them. As for the parties, why not? If you would enjoy the party and they want to throw one for you go for it. If you don't want one then politely decline. A bit of joy doesn't have to cost a lot. ☺️

What does the wedding YOU want look like? Do you and your FH have the same vision? From what I can tell it sounds like maybe you have different ideas of what you want your day to look like. If you haven't yet, I think sitting down and drawing up each of your dream days and then settling somewhere in the middle might be a good idea.
If your FH wants a wedding with immediate family only, and you have no immediate family, it sounds like that's a wedding plan that's not taking your situation into account.

How far is " drive to another state?" 2hours, 4,6,8... makes a difference. I am 2 hrs or less from 3 other states , and another country. I frequently have driven 6 to my inlaws, for any occasion, and to friend's in the area. That is about my limit for a marriage ceremony at a JP or courthouse followed by a restaurant dinner. Same as to a wedding and reception.

Yes our visions are different. I am the bread winner and I don't want to pay for the entire wedding myself. I am very picky and if I plan to do something I want to do it right. He is much more a DIY person and very laid back and casual. So he is open to a bigger wedding but more of a DIY and I am not open to that. I was leaning toward a 50-60 person wedding with a cocktail reception, DJ, and etc. He said that is to much. So we are down to immediate family only and court house wedding. I am fine with it. I am just struggling with how to explain to friends they all seem so excited and want to be there and I just have to keep telling them it is so small. Also can I let them throw bachelorette party or is that not appropriate if they are not invited to the wedding?

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The drive for my friends would be 6 hours. I live in NJ and the ceremony would take place in Virginia.

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Do you want to invite your friends, though? It seems incredibly unfair to me to restrict the wedding to immediate family only in your situation, which sounds like it would then be 100% FH's guests, plus you. If your friends are your family, you absolutely should have them there on your day, if that's what you want. I'm the breadwinner in my relationship too, and am paying for 90% of the wedding completely myself, so I get it!

If it turns out that you're fine having none of your own guests (unless I'm wrong, but that's what it sounds like) and your friends understand the situation, I don't see a problem with still having a bachelorette party if they're want to throw you one. I think etiquette is important, but not to the point of ruling out certain situations simply because etiquette says it's wrong. In the end you know your friends and how they'll react to a situation like this, and if they still want to throw you a party, then go for it!

I agree with your future husband to an extent. If you have NO immediate family then you should invite a certain number of friends that match the number of his immediate family attending.

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Yes, I am having friends there the problem is deciding which friends I will invite and which ones I am not inviting. Any advice on how to narrow the list down without offending anyone? Yes, I have no siblings and no parents. There won't be a party just a dinner. Does not sound exciting but it seems my friends still want to come to support the marriage. :-)

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Hmm yeah that's hard, I'm not sure if I have any concrete advice, except that you should definitely invite at least as many as your FH is inviting. Is your group of friends really big? Do you guys have a hard limit to the number of people you want to invite?

I do think, however, that inviting the number of people your budget can accommodate is more important than sticking to an arbitrary number of people based on a specific number you have in mind as being the "ideal" guest list number, if that number falls below what you can afford. If that makes sense... Like I'd much rather invite the extra five people (or however many) if it fits in the budget than stick to a specific number just because that was the number I had in mind, at the expense of excluding friends I'd really want to be there.

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Makes total sense! Thank you so much for your thoughts and advice.

View Quoted Comment Is Virginia where his family is? As for friends, which of them have you invited into your home, and you in theirs, in the last year or two? How many would you treat them and their mate to a $150 per couple dinner, drinks, etc ?Are there some who would drive there as a friend group, without hubby or SO, by their choice?
As for parties, friends going to the wedding should not make x with those not invited at a pre-wedding party. But, any group of friends can plan themselves a women's night or weekend, any time they want.

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Of course, good luck!

View Quoted Comment I completely agree. From your post it sounds as though you are planning your fiancé’s ideal wedding, and not taking your own wants into account. There are 2 people getting married and both should be represented in the celebration. It sounds like you need to have a conversation with your fiancé and tweak your wedding plans. Make a list of all those friends you really want present on your big day (it sounds as if you have some really great, supportive friends!), and then find a venue that will accommodate that amount of people. Your wedding is a once in a lifetime event. You don’t want to look back and regret not having those special to you present.

It’s so exciting your friends are super supportive and want to be with you. Let them throw you a bach party. You are still getting married and it’s something to celebrate. I lean more with your FH. We are compromising by: not having decorations, cheap grocery store cake, no wedding party, bbq dinner, etc. I would try to find a bigger space for dinner to accommodate your friends. If he gets his family, you get yours, blood or not.

You guys need to figure out a better compromise. If you don't have parents or siblings, then you don't have anyone to bring to this "immediate family" wedding. Where is your vision in any of this?


If your friends are driving 6 hours, they're prob staying overnight. I'd do a bachelorette with just them either before or after the wedding (on the same weekend so they don't have to travel twice) and find a restaurant with a private space that can accommodate everyone.

Def compromise or you'll regret your day. Covid changed our wedding plans and before they did we had planned a 92 person Saturday wedding at an all inclusive wedding and that's what my hubby wanted. I wanted a small 50 person or less wedding with just family and close friends in an outdoor garden ceremony then reception at a local community center or restaurant. We went through with his plan. Ended up losing our 1000 deposit due to covid. But did end up getting married at the outdoor garden ceremony I wanted and reception at our apartment and we had 7 people in attendance. If I could do it again I would have made my wants known to my husband. And def compromise because it's about what you both want and how you guys can make that work.