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Just Said Yes September 2022

Microwedding in a different state.. With the intentions of trying to save money for a house.

Ashley, on September 26, 2021 at 7:21 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 9

Sorry this in long-winded.. My fiancé and I have always wanted to elope in the middle of the mountains just him, I, and our two pups. We decided to go somewhere in driving distance (we are from Florida and we are driving to Nashville) and invite very immediate family (Moms, Dads, and siblings) but some people are obviously upset. Some people are already asking about how they will send gifts. We are just trying to focus on purchasing a house and not spend $25k+ on a wedding for others.

So, we decided that we would live stream our brief ceremony and cocktail hour. Nobody needs to watch us eat our dinner in real time. Haha.

My question is, I was going to send out an invitation for the 'virtual' wedding. This website we are going to use to live stream it also comes with a gift registry. I am fine with this because some people who won't be attending have already asked how they can send gifts. BUT should I add something to the invitation that says 'your virtual presence is enough for us, please don't feel obligated to send presents'?

Not sure if the whole thing is tacky but I am trying to figure out a way to involve everyone without breaking the bank and going completely outside of what we want as a couple. But I also don't want to pressure anyone into gifts since they can't physically be there..


Any constructive criticism is greatly appreciated. Smiley heart

9 Comments

Latest activity by Ashley, on September 27, 2021 at 3:47 PM
  • Yasmine
    Master October 2020
    Yasmine ·
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    I think that saying is more than enough!! Some people will probably still send you presents, but that'll be because they want to!
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  • N
    NewEnglandSettler ·
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    You'll never please everyone, I think the inclusion of ".... please don't feel obligated...." is perfect. Congratulations on your upcoming marriage and house purchasing goal!

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  • A
    Just Said Yes September 2022
    Ashley ·
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    Thank you both so much for your input, this makes me feel a lot more at ease!

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  • Jacks
    Rockstar November 2054
    Jacks ·
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    That idea is not ideal. Don't second rate your guests while simultaneously asking for gifts. Honestly, the whole thing says that your "virtual guests" didn't rate a real invitation.

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  • A
    Just Said Yes September 2022
    Ashley ·
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    It's not second-rating them. I am trying to include them in our wedding as much as we can financially afford. I think this way is far more inclusive than the alternative of leaving them out of the wedding completely.

    I also am not ASKING for gifts. The website I am paying for to live stream our wedding has a registry on there. I was asking if I should put something on the invitation that says that it is OPTIONAL.

    But thank you for your input.

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  • M
    VIP January 2019
    Maggie ·
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    Having a small wedding is always perfectly fine. Even if some are disappointed not to be invited, it's STILL fine to have a small wedding that suits your budget and preferences. People who aren't invited to any wedding are perfectly welcome to send a gift; this has always been acceptable. No one needs an invitation, a shower, a formal registry.

    All of that said, I think virtual weddings were a good idea for weddings that had to be downsized last minute during the height of the pandemic. The guests watching virtually in those situations were truly wanted guests who had received invitations but the pandemic had other ideas.

    But I don't think it really works to plan a small wedding (again, totally fine to have a small wedding!) and THEN invite people to watch virtually when it's clear you didn't ever want them to attend in person. And to add the registry info on top of that virtual "invitation"? That just makes it worse. I understand you feel you aren't asking for gifts, but including a registry link on an invitation is not in sync with the message you think you are sending. Either scrap the virtual component altogether or find another way that doesn't require you to send out your registry.

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  • A
    Just Said Yes September 2022
    Ashley ·
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    Hi Maggie, that is the thing. I DO want all of the people I would be sending the virtual link to at my wedding I just cannot afford it. But it seems as though it may come off as inappropriate to some, but not all. So I will be rethinking the virtual component of the wedding.

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  • Cece
    Rockstar October 2023
    Cece ·
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    Some of our friends did this way before Covid was even a thing (I want to say around 2015). They eloped to Vegas with only their parents, siblings, and wedding party. Their wedding venue offered live streaming of the event, so they sent virtual invitations to their friends and family online with the link and time of livestream. Everyone loved it and they had a rather large virtual turnout of guests! I remember being out at a bar with a group of friends the night of their wedding, and we all ran outside and watched on an iPad LOL A registry was not attached to the virtual viewing though. Most of these livestream formats are very customizable- have you asked the company if they could remove the registry? If not, maybe you could look into another life streaming service – there are tons of them out there now, and most of them do not have a mandatory registry attached.
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  • A
    Just Said Yes September 2022
    Ashley ·
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    Yay! I love that this IS a thing. I really do want to involve all of the people that can't be there, I will most definitely look into a streaming service that does NOT have the gift registry attached to it. It seems like that will be the better investment and not put people in an uncomfortable position! Thanks for your input, I feel a lot better about sending these invitations out now! Smiley kiss

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