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Savvy October 2019

Middle name conundrum

Emily , on August 14, 2019 at 10:14 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 18

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Hello everyone,

I am in a bit of a pickle as I don’t know what my name is going to be. I have been told to be a “good southern woman” that I must have my last name be my new middle name but since it is 8 letters long with a hard T and my new last name is going to be 4 letters. (Not a lot of balance, I just want my name to flow and sound pretty)

I have always loved my middle name, it is so pretty and celebrates my grandparents on my mom’s side who have passed away. I was very close to both of them.

I had mentioned it to my mom just as an idea and she was genuinely upset that I would drop my last name. She is the more calm of my two parents as well and I don’t want to insult my dad by not taking the name. There is already inner family drama (stupid reasons might I add) on my dad’s side and I don’t want to upset anymore.

Please any advice helps.

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18 Comments

Latest activity by Anna, on August 15, 2019 at 1:56 PM

Super September 2020
Amber · on August 14, 2019 at 10:34 PM
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In all honesty what do you want to do?

What will make YOU happy at the end of the day? Not what will make your FH happy or your parents but YOU??

These days traditions tend to break and ppl make new ones.. At end of the end its your name n last name you'll have to write it hear it n say it and gotta live with it...
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Savvy October 2019
Emily · on August 14, 2019 at 10:38 PM
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Super true, honestly I want to take his last name and keep my original middle name. I love that I am Emily Hunter. It sounds so nice.

Thanks friend!
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Champion August 2017
Mrsbdg · on August 14, 2019 at 10:45 PM
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You can have two middle names, I have two and it was really easy to do on my paperwork.
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VIP February 2020
Lauren · on August 14, 2019 at 11:13 PM
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You definitely need to go with what is going to make you happy! I’m from the south so I totally get the traditional “drop your middle name and keep your maiden name thing”. I am going to keep my middle name and drop my name name. I love my family and my last name but I’m more attached to my middle name. Both of my sister-in-laws (who have been in my fam for 4 & 8 years) did the same thing so they’ve seen this as the norm nowadays and know it won’t make me any less close with my family. It may be important to explain to your parents that even if you don’t share their last name, you wouldn’t be any less family. Could it be about them being upset about potentially losing their daughter?
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Savvy October 2019
Emily · on August 14, 2019 at 11:29 PM
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Thanks for your input Lauren! Just to clarify, name name is last name righto? Possibly, when I brought it up with my mom her main reasoning was hurting my dad’s feelings and it would cause drama during the big day. So I am not sure if that is the undercover meaning or not. I think it is also hard, I am the first one to get married and the only child too.
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Savvy October 2019
Emily · on August 14, 2019 at 11:30 PM
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Maybe but I don’t want my name to be a mouthful either. For your monogram do you use both or interchange them?
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Master October 2020
Mandi · on August 14, 2019 at 11:38 PM
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My middle name is a family name. I wouldn't get rid of it. So I chose to hyphenate legally and just go by his last name socially.
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Champion August 2017
Mrsbdg · on August 14, 2019 at 11:47 PM
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I have six names and idk what I'd use a monogram for
Played around with it...It looks like garbage
Crappy monogram is ugly
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Expert August 2019
Madelyn · on August 14, 2019 at 11:51 PM
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I dropped my maiden name and kept my middle name. My maiden name starts with a W and so does his last name so I just didn’t like the way that sounded together otherwise I would’ve kept my maiden name and dropped my middle name.
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Master December 2019
Cher Horowitz · on August 14, 2019 at 11:59 PM
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I'm from the South too! Honestly, it boils down to what you want. This is your name, so you have every right to do as you wish with it. I really hope you make this choice for yourself
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Expert January 2020
Abby · on August 15, 2019 at 12:02 AM
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This 100%
Its not her name or anyone else’s but yours. You have to carry the name. So do what flows and makes you happy! Everyone else will get over it.
Good luck😊
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Dedicated August 2019
Kelsey · on August 15, 2019 at 12:23 AM
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I grew up in GA and I decided to drop my maiden name completely and keep my middle name as-is, and take my fiancé’s last name. My mom made her maiden name her middle name but said she always regretted it. Plus my middle name and my fiancé’s middle name is really similar and I thought that was cool haha
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VIP February 2020
Lauren · on August 15, 2019 at 12:25 AM
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I meant I’m keeping my middle name and dropping my maiden name (I’m obviously a little tired 😊)! I could understand it being hard on your parents if you’re the first to get married (& an only child). Maybe if you just explain why you want to keep your middle name, it’ll make your parents eventually come around to the idea. My parents are very traditional with most things, and I am for the most part, but if I do something they’re not crazy about, I just have to explain my reasoning behind it and sometimes they come around!
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Champion October 2009
2d Bride · on August 15, 2019 at 1:13 AM
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Are your parents actually going to be checking your passport, driver's license, or Social Security card to figure out what your legal middle name is? Regardless of what your legal name is, there is nothing to stop them from using your maiden name as your middle name, unless you tell them not to.
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Just Said Yes October 2020
Heisha · on August 15, 2019 at 1:29 AM
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This is news to me, I had no idea you can drop your middle name and keep your maiden name and your husbands last name. I’m Puerto Rican we do things differently. The wife always keeps her maiden name, the kids get both last names. Husbands last name first then wife’s. That’s why I’m Heisha Iliel Cortes-Diaz. So when I get married I think I’m going to break the tradition as well but just drop my moms last name and keep it hyphenated: Heisha Iliel Cortes-Nevarez. It’s pretty long idk I can get that all on my license but I’m going to try.
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VIP October 2020
Samantha · on August 15, 2019 at 9:53 AM
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Would it help if you explained to them why you want to keep your middle name? That the connection to your grandparents is important to you?
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VIP October 2020
Kelly · on August 15, 2019 at 11:09 AM
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I say do what you want. It's your name, you are going to be living with it. Do you use your middle name for anything? If not nobody will really know. If you do tell them you liked it this way.
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Devoted September 2020
Anna · on August 15, 2019 at 1:56 PM
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Sometimes you have to be the “black sheep” of the bunch and not do as everyone else does. You’re not doing anything morally or ethically wrong. If you’re not attached to your maiden name than just drop it. It’s your decision to make, not anyone else’s. I am not taking my fiance’s Name and I got all sorts of opinions about how I’m going against tradition blah blah blah but I’m still going to do what I want anyway.
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