Mil over bearing

Before accepting an offer like this, you need to discuss expectations. There are some people for whom strings will always be attached and with FMIL this may be just the start of things to come. You have to make up your mind as to whether it’s going to be worth accepting the money at all.


All that said, contrary to what reality TV and Instagram want us to believe dress shopping does not have to be a group effort. You can try telling her that you don’t want an entourage or for anyone else to see the dress ahead of time, or that you’re uncomfortable with a lot of opinions and would prefer shopping on your own. A compromise could be inviting her to a fitting after you’ve already chosen your dress or asking her to leave the sister at home.

First of all, I would definitely hesitate to accept any money from FMIL. As a previous poster mentioned, it sounds like it is going to come with strings.
As far as dress shopping, I don’t feel your need to explain yourself to her. I would simply schedule a time to go dress shopping with your mom. And when you choose your dress, I would just make it sound like it was an impromptu thing (“I was shopping with mom and we passed a bridal shop and decided to go in just for fun… and ended up falling in love with a dress!”)

^^^ That would have also been my advice had she not already made her expectations clearly known. My only concern with this approach is if she were to end up more offended after the fact than if you were up front. But I can also see it going the other way. Ultimately, you know her best.

Again, if having a say in the wedding plans means something to you I would think twice before accepting. With money comes control.

Don’t accept money because it comes with strings attached. If she wants a specific something and you don’t, then she will say “I’m paying so I decide” and she is right. You have to decide what you are willing to do: you get full say of all decisions but you have less money to work with so you have to get creative, or accept her money and she decides on including things you don’t like.


Set and maintain boundaries now with consequences because it will only get worse down the road if you don’t. Put your foot down on the dress shopping if it’s not what you want. Also, many shops are still doing the Covid limitations of only a small number of people allowed to accompany whoever is trying on the dresses.