Long story short, my FMIL has been creating massive problems in my wedding planning. I have included her in everything from wedding dress shopping, my bridal shower, my bachelorette party (which she failed to attend even though it was extended to her from the beginning), and makeup & hair (which she also declined) and everything in between. I had told her from the beginning of my engagement what I expected - which was for everyone to feel included. However, she does not like my family (and I'm starting to think me too) and has made it known, which has made my life a lot harder.
She has been fighting with my FH since May due to this, and since then it feels like I'm walking on eggshells with my in-laws. They had agreed to pay for the rehearsal dinner after our engagement, which we were very grateful for. My FH & I discussed who was planning the rehearsal - I asked if his parents would be involved and he said no. Suddenly a few weeks before my deadlines, his parents made a huge stink about how she should be involved in the décor, and wants to decorate alone. They also explained that they wanted to plan everything. (PSA: I've been the one in contact with the venue planning the rehearsal / deadlines / etc , so I'm not sure why suddenly they think they are planning when they didn't. They never expressed this before).
I expressed to them that not only this was so sudden, but that my FH & I already picked the décor and that both my side and my FH's side will decorate or else we will do it ourselves. The best part was his father said we were not being fair to them. I explained regardless of whose paying, this is our event, and ultimately we make the final decisions, not them. I said this own line to my parents, who are helping with the wedding payments. His mother did not like our answers and proclaimed she would not attend the wedding. Then her excuse for not attending was that she was afraid of what she'll do/say at the wedding. Had his family come to us without threats, I would have been more than welcome for them to do their thing at the rehearsal.
Now I understand tradition-wise, the groom's parents host the rehearsal dinner. However, in my eyes, if they wanted to plan it from start to finish, they should have told us upfront, not 3 weeks before our event.
I am so hurt that not only his mother would pull this line, but that it has ultimately put a heartbreak on my FH. Those are words that really cannot be forgotten. I don't understand why they would think this behavior is anywhere near normal. To me, it's erratic, and ultimately dangerous to my FH and I's mental health.
I'm at my wits end because I've been very nice and very cordial during our entire engagement. But I've had enough and cannot stomach this behavior from his family.
