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Just Said Yes June 2019

mil wants to join honeymoon

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Heather, on April 3, 2019 at 4:42 PM

Okay guys. I’ve about had it with my FMIL. My fiancé & I are getting married in 2 months. By that time I will be 6 months pregnant. I already don’t get along with her due to her controlling behaviors, constantly guilting me and my FH and she’s all around toxic. My FH let her know our wedding date last week and she was pissed we were getting married before the baby is due. A little backstory; we got engaged on Christmas Eve, did the thing, got pregnant and found out 3 weeks later. We already planned on getting married, but decided it was best to be married before the baby so we could have a honeymoon and only focus on our child once they arrive. I thought it was kind of ridiculous she was mad, considering it’s really none of her place to decide when we get married. Anyway, as the convo was starting to end, she asked my FH what we planned on doing for the honeymoon. He mentioned we’re looking to go to Florida and enjoy a week or so alone in the sun. She brought up how her birthday is June 18th, and that she was wanting to do a birthday bash this year and go on a vacation for her birthday. She asked to COMBINE our honeymoon and her birthday! I almost started laughing because I thought she was joking, but realized she was serious! She started mentioning all these places she wanted to go and how it would be nice for her and her husband to have some vacation time alone because they didn’t get to when they got married because they had my FH little sister. Uhhh.... too bad!!! Anyway, my FH ended the call after telling her he would think on it. He immediately told me that was absolutely not happening. They aren’t really close as it is, but I am shocked! What can my FH say to her? We need to tell her no and set boundaries. I just can’t believe she suggested having us take care of their young daughter, on OUR honeymoon!!

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Super May 2019
Mrs. C · on April 4, 2019 at 3:08 PM
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This is exactly what my FMIL has excused me of doing in the past couple of months because we have been avoiding her comments and negativity about the wedding so we just haven't made the time to see her. It really is quite annoying!
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Dedicated November 2019
Halea · on April 4, 2019 at 3:20 PM
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It really is and with us its not even that. We arent ignoring her. Like hell i work 50+ hours a week. And he works night shift. Them not seeing each other has nothing to do with me. I dont see my own family. I send put weekly texts to my family that says i love you and ask about their life. And he talks to her everyday. I dont get it. She has 8 kids and she is like that with all of them.
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Super May 2019
Mrs. C · on April 4, 2019 at 3:25 PM
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We aren't completely ignoring her either. We still call and text but yes we have been insanely busy only being a month away from the wedding. Sadly that's just how control freaks are. She STILL tries and calls my FH every night around the time he is supposed to get home and when he doesn't answer, she freaks out and calls me. FH has told me to stop answering her calls in the evening because its usually to find out where he is and he wants to sort of "wean" her off of that constant contact. I put my foot down before we got engaged saying I would not be ok with her calling every night once we were married to essentially "check up" on him and where he was and what he was doing. She hasn't taken that well and is mad at me over that and also because she thinks its my doing that we haven't tried to see them recently. -_-
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Dedicated November 2019
Halea · on April 4, 2019 at 3:28 PM
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Omg!!! I swear we are living the same life.
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Super April 2019
Future Mrs. Polar Bear · on April 4, 2019 at 3:31 PM
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OMG, NO WAY! Fudge That!
Like you said, FH just has to tell her, no your not going. And just to be clear I wouldn't tell her were you are staying in Florida, or any specific details just so she doesn't try to run and sneak in on your honeymoon from the back end.
What a horrible FMIL...i can't believe she even suggested that. It's ridiculous.
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Expert June 2019
maryann · on April 8, 2019 at 9:27 AM
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UUUggghhhh... I am shocked that is like so disrespectful. I mean you clearly just said yall wanted to do yall honeymoon so before your baby came and enjoy some alone time. That is just inconsiderate. I don't think it is rude for FH to just straight up tell her no without giving an explanation. I mean she is an adult she knows how that will be awkward... Simply you know what mom, You and dad getting away and getting some alone time sounds like a great idea and I absolutely think you two should do that, however, we are not combining your birthday bash with my honeymoon. My wife and I are going to spend this time together with each other and ONLY each other. He needs to make it known my wife is my number 1 now.... Good Luck that's a mess
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Dedicated July 2019
Michelle · on April 10, 2019 at 10:36 AM
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Jeeeez.... it would be one thing if you were having a destination wedding, and everyone was there, with you. But just no. She cannot come. Who even asks that??
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Dedicated March 2021
· on April 10, 2019 at 11:22 AM
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That’s just rude of your FMIL to just barge in on your honeymoon time to celebrate her birthday. She can do that another time, especially with your pregnancy and her toxicity doesn’t help.

I wouldn’t take her with you on the honeymoon..birthdays are every year. Honeymoons aren’t.
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Expert April 2020
Heather · on April 10, 2019 at 4:50 PM
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I don't think my FH parent's were serious when saying this...but they mentioned wanting to join us for our honeymoon. I told my FH that was not happening, which he had already told them no anyway. It's not polite to invite yourself to someone else's honeymoon, especially when that is supposed to be the couple's alone time to relax and enjoy each other after getting married. I would just tell her no, not for the honeymoon and that maybe in the future everyone can take a trip together.
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Dedicated September 2019
tempestt · on April 10, 2019 at 4:58 PM
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No no and hell no! Why did she even think this was okay to ask?
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Expert October 2019
Krystin · on April 10, 2019 at 5:34 PM
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I wouldn't be providing anymore detail on your honeymoon with this woman. Just because you tell her no doesn't mean she won't show up anyway. People can be crazy sometimes!
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Savvy June 2020
Olivia · on April 10, 2019 at 8:37 PM
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Tell her that it is completely out of the question and that it is your honeymoon and you are going to be enjoying the time between only you and your FH
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Super September 2019
Alyssa · on April 11, 2019 at 8:30 AM
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Oh wow! No, absolutely not. I mean I have a really good relationship with my FMIL and STILL would not ever want this. I think your FH needs to just be nice but straight forward. It is not a time to celebrate her, your honeymoon is your your FH and you to relax after planning the wedding and in your case, relax before the baby comes!
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Expert July 2019
Katherine · on April 11, 2019 at 11:59 AM
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Yeah, I was thinking this too. It would have been best if he was able to shut it down in the moment, but he can still go back and let her know that the honeymoon is going to be its own event, and y'all will be going alone
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Expert July 2019
Natalie · on April 11, 2019 at 12:08 PM
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Is it possible to suggest you guys have a week of honeymoon time and after that week you guys can have your family vacation and stay for an extra few days? It’s a win win (kinda) you still get your week of alone time, you get to extend your stay, and I feel like with people like that they will use things against you so you are at least attempting to work things out and if they don’t like it then at least they can’t use it against you in the future and they can vacay somewhere else! Stay strong
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Master June 2020
Anna · on April 11, 2019 at 12:27 PM
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Ok , I'm the devils advocate, in the sense that it's a little sad that she thinks that she has a closer relationship to the both of you than she obviously does.

Maybe what you think of as a guilt trip is just the fact that she loves you both and wants to spend time with you?

Just politely say that you want to spend your honeymoon alone to bond as a couple , since your family will be expanding soon and you don't know when you'll get any more alone time.

Tell her you hope to take a family vacation together at some point someday when things settle down.

I lost my Mama a year and a half ago. I'd give anything to spend time with her, even on my honeymoon. I have heard of destination weddings where the whole family is included wedding/ through the honeymoon. It just depends on your family dynamics.

Keep in mind, tomorrow isn't promised to anyone. Don't say things in anger that you will regret. She will be a big part of your life. And your baby's life.

Hopefully you can look beyond her faults and learn to love her. After all it's because of her that your fiancee is here to love you and marry you.

She can't be all bad....she raised him to be a good loving man and Father. There are always underlying reasons people behave as they do...its not always surface level.

Good luck!
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Just Said Yes May 2019
Michael · on April 11, 2019 at 12:51 PM
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I suggest that your fiancée tell her, "Sure, I think we can make space for you in our bed". Somehow she is ignoring the fact that what she is doing is absolutely unacceptable in any culture. So take it one step farther. Just don't share any actual details of your destination plans, because she's going to find some way to worm her way along.
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Master December 2019
Courtney · on April 11, 2019 at 3:20 PM
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Oh Hellllllll no! I would tell her, "Yeah we'll see you in Florida", and stop off in the Outer Banks along the way.
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Devoted June 2020
Ashlee · on April 27, 2019 at 12:26 PM
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Totally agree with Sarah. Get those boundaries in place pronto. Good luck!
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Devoted December 2020
Evelyn · on April 27, 2019 at 4:46 PM
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Wow! That's pretty rude!
My future in laws are coming on our honeymoon with us. We are all going on a cruise together. We didn't mind at all and actually were really happy. We've lived alone for 4 years and don't get to see them much. We figured we'll have plenty of solo trips on our own. Plus I get along wonderfully with my in laws, they are basically my parents.
But clearly, this is a different situation! Gentle but firm!
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