mil Wants to Throw Lingerie Party

Would it be possible to pivot this into a bridal tea or shower? Or brunch? Wine tasting outing? Spa day? Picnic? Literally anything else?

That sounds mortifying!! a wine tasting would be a good alternative if she wants to do something a little bit sassy...

That would be a big nope from me if FMIL wanted to throw me a lingerie party. I agree with PPs, see if she would be willing to turn it into something you are more comfortable with. Be frank, yet kind, and explain to her that having a lingerie party makes you uncomfortable.

Yeah....one of my friend circles has a tradition of throwing lingerie showers for whoever is getting married. It's a fun friend thing, but definitely not something I wanted my mom or MIL to be invited to. We make it a rule that the guest of honor decides who she is comfortable having there. We've never had one where moms, aunts, or grandmothers have been invited.

I think whether moms should be included in something like this, or a bachelorette party, is completely dependent on the kind of relationship you have with your mom or MIL and it's a personal choice. If you and your mom or MIL are like Rory and Lorelai Gilmore, I can see how having your mom or your FS' mom present at or planning a lingerie shower would be fun and feel completely comfortable. But, if your relationship is more like Lorelai and Emily Gilmore, it would be so awkward, uncomfortable, and cringe-worthy.

Sounds like you'd be more comfortable if your MIL wasn't involved in this lingerie shower. That's unfortunate that your MIL caught wind of it and is enthusiastic about planning the whole thing. My friends didn't share with my mom it my MIL what they were doing. I simply said they had planned some bachelorette thing, and that's why my BMs were coming to visit (even though my actual bachelorette took place at a later date). I think, if I were you, I'd thank your MIL for wanting to plan something for you, but just let her know you're not sure a lingerie shower is something you'd be comfortable with and let her know you're open to any other ideas she may have. Then, if she really wants to plan something, she can come up with the idea for another kind of shower or girls outing.

"FMIL, I'm just not comfortable with anyone hosting a lingerie shower for me. Would you mind hosting a kitchen/linen/recipe/whatever kind of shower instead?"