Mini Ceremony/eloping - Have a reception, or no?

As long as those attending your ceremony are given a reception, you are fine doing just that. There is no reason you need to have a reception later. If neither of you want a reception, just send announcements and leave it at that. Those who want you to have a big party are not the ones paying for it.

You cannot have a bridal shower for guests who are not invited to the ceremony . You can still register because people will buy you gifts regardless because they are happy for you and they will ask where you are registered which is fine. If you don't register, you will get gifts you do not want and cannot return. Never assume that guests will give cash only.

It is definitely frowned upon to host a gift giving party with people that aren't invited to your wedding. If you want to spend time with your extended family and friends, I would recommend having a non-gift giving party such as a luncheon. By choosing to have a mini ceremony, you are pretty much foregoing getting gifts from people not invited to the wedding.

I agree with previous posters that it wouldn't be right to invite people to a bridal shower (a party designed to solicit gifts) if you are not also including them in your actual wedding celebration (either at the ceremony or at a later celebration of marriage party).

Some people who are not invited to your (perfectly acceptable!) small wedding will give you gifts because they are excited for you and want to give you gifts. Many people will not (and not necessarily because they are sad to not be invited, but they just might not think of it). You will get some gifts.

But I would never host a party in order to try to get more gifts. One should never gamble on the expense of throwing the party being made up with gifts received. I feel like that would just be setting yourself up for disappointment. And I know it's difficult, but try not to compare yourself to other people. You don't know if the dollar amount of gifts your future BIL and SIL received offset the cost of all those parties.

What you are planning is very smart, both financially and because of the pandemic. I would try to reframe it in your mind to see how much money you are saving by not hosting your large families. That is the money you have to start your married life together.

I completely agree with Maggie. It's not right to have a bridal shower if these people are not invited to your actual wedding.

I will also say that my best friend did something very similar to you (had a micro-wedding with 17 guests in a park followed by dinner at a nice restaurant) and we had a blast! They saved SO much money too. They invited parents, siblings, and only a few friends. But because of this, she knew she wouldn't be able to have a bridal shower. She had a small registry that she only shared with a few extended family members if they asked for it, such as grandparents, aunts, and uncles.

Some people who are not invited may want to give you gifts, but I certainly wouldn't expect any. That's just one of the trade-offs of having a micro-wedding.

What I would do in your case is: have a small registry, and only share it with people who specifically ask for it. There will probably be a few relatives who will ask for it. But I would definitely NOT have a shower!

Yes, this is a good point about sharing registries with people who ask. It's aways fine to make a registry and keep it private. Then, if anyone asks where you are registered feel free to share it (or say what you are saving up for). The key is to wait until you are asked rather than sending the info to everyone (or posting on social media).

I had a micro wedding too (20 people). Instead of a big reception, my husband and I are hosting "watch parties" in our hometowns to share the wedding video with our friends and family who could not attend the small ceremony. They will be low key parties with good food (BBQ or a seafood boil), drinks, games and maybe a little dancing -- but nothing formal or even wedding-like. My husband, like your fiance, isn't one for too much attention, so these watch parties are right up his alley -- fun, but no pressure and nothing too over the top.

This is a great alternative post-wedding as long as social distancing is adhered to.

Agreed! We just got married a month ago, so we haven't gotten the videos yet. We're definitely mindful of COVID (thus the 20 person wedding in Florida even though there aren't any heavy restrictions there), and are monitoring things to determine the best time to schedule the watch parties. I'm thinking sometime this summer, but we'll see.