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Just Said Yes August 2021

moh Advice

Jesse, on April 13, 2021 at 9:59 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 8

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Hi! I am getting married in 4 months, and I chose to have my childhood best friend be my maid of honor over my college best friend. Currently I am closer with my college best friend and is always asking to help in any way with the wedding. Willing to pay or do whatever is necessary as a bridesmaid. My childhood best friend has not really offfered much assistance or shown interest. Anytime I try to involve her with wedding stuff she’s either too busy or doesn’t want to pay. For instance, she isn’t going to bachelorette. And now when I bring up paying for her own hair and makeup she said she would rather do her own makeup because she doesn’t want to pay for it. It’s frustrating that out of all the bridesmaids my maid of honor is the one giving me a hard time . I’m trying to be reasonable, and not have too high of expectations.. but I’m starting to regret my decision on who I picked as my maid of honor. How do I handle this? Do I ask to have her be a bridesmaid instead? I value our friendship and don’t want to ruin it.

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8 Comments

Latest activity by Sara, on April 14, 2021 at 11:21 AM

Rockstar July 2022
Lisa Online · on April 13, 2021 at 10:19 PM
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Asking someone to step down is typically a friendship ending move. Instead, you could "promote" your other friend to co-MOH? That way, you can honor both friendships! And for the makeup, if you are requiring your bridesmaids to have their makeup done for your wedding, you should cover the cost. If it's optional, they can pay for their own, but it's also acceptable for them to choose to do their own and not pay for makeup to be done. It's a bummer that she isn't able to go to your bachelorette party! However, it sounds like finances are a concern for her. Everyone's financial situations are different, so I wouldn't take it too personally that she can't attend. Also keep in mind that your bridesmaids and MOH aren't responsible for helping you plan your wedding. That is up to you and your fiance.
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Just Said Yes August 2021
Jesse · on April 13, 2021 at 10:30 PM
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Thank you so much!! Great advice.
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Dedicated August 2024
Ivory · on April 13, 2021 at 11:15 PM
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Personally, I wouldn't even want to pay for hair and makeup at my own wedding! Everyone's finances are different, and everyone has different comfort levels with where they spend their money. I know it must have been disappointing not to see her at your bach, though. Maybe you could meet up sometime and catch up if you're not feeling as connected with her as you'd like?
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Lisa · on April 13, 2021 at 11:43 PM
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Your regrets about your choice of MOH revolve around money, what is being done for you, and hair and makeup ... did you catch that?
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Super June 2021
Elizabeth · on April 14, 2021 at 6:36 AM
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She should have the choice not to pay for her hair and makeup. If you want the bridal party to get professional hair and makeup, you need to pay for it.

Why isn't she going to the bachelorette?
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Legend June 2019
Melle · on April 14, 2021 at 11:12 AM
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Honestly i don't know if those things are super terrible that she's bringing up. but i can understand your frustration because it probably seems like she's the only one bringing these kind of things up
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August 2021
Nancy · on April 14, 2021 at 11:12 AM
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Great idea!👍🏻
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Expert November 2021
Sara · on April 14, 2021 at 11:21 AM
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Definitely don't demote her, because that's a friendship ending move. Instead you could make the two co-MOHs if you wanted. Is there a reason why she can't attend your bachelorette? Maybe she is struggling financially? But as far as hair and makeup, I'm on her side with this one. Bridesmaids only pay for their own hair and makeup if it's 100% optional. If I were voluntold to pay for my own hair and makeup because the bride required professional hair and makeup, then I would be livid. So my advice would be: consider making your other friend the co-MOH, give her a pass on the bachelorette if her reason for not being able to go is financial, and don't make her pay for hair and makeup.
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