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Maylin
Just Said Yes June 2023

moh and people pleasing help

Maylin, on April 14, 2022 at 8:45 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 8
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Needing Maid of honor and general advice.
My best friend and maid of honor and I have been best friends since kindergarten (roughly like 16-17 years) she’s always been very loud and opinionated (which I adore sometimes) but she’s also a very lavish person. When talks about her future wedding someday she wants everything to the nines (dresses, venues, etc) which no shame in that but that’s her style not mine. My fiancé and I were planning a bigger wedding, nice wedding with all the bells and whistles (fancy venue, Dj) 100+ people etc. we recently decided that we want to do a smaller more intimate wedding with our close family and friends, save some money and also be able to put more toward our honeymoon and a big get together afterward with our more extended families and friends. This is where the issue comes in. I was married in a backyard ceremony about 3 years ago. Very basic and simple, no decorations or anything really. And my parents offered up their property (22 acres) for us to use for wedding and my dads big workshop for our reception. My fiancé and I both love this idea but I hinted at it to my MOH and all she wants to do is show me smaller, cheaper venues. And “you don’t want deja vu from your first marriage do you?”, “backyard weddings are tacky” Etc etc, to the point where it’s making me question mt judgement and opinions on things. There’s been a lot of judgement from both sides regarding how we’re going about our wedding day and it’s to the point where I just want to cancel everything and elope. However I still want to share this day with my close friends and family. This whole wedding planning experience is hard for me as my entire life I’ve always been a “people pleaser” How can I talk to her about how I love the idea and all that’s stuff in a way that’s respectful and will get her to understand that it’s my wedding and I can do what I want?How did you other brides get over the “people pleasing” in order to have your dream day?

8 Comments

Latest activity by Michelle, on April 18, 2022 at 8:12 PM
  • Ayanna
    Devoted November 2023
    Ayanna ·
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    Hey Maylin! I think you might want to take some time and quiet the outside noise and figure out what it is YOU want. After that I would have a talk with moh, let her know that you appreciate her opinion and that she wants the best for you. But, this is what you want and she should respect that.


    I hope this helps!
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  • L
    Devoted April 2023
    Lucy ·
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    You could say something along the lines of:
    "It means so much to me that you're so interested in my wedding planning. That said, I hope you'll be able to respect that my partner and I want our wedding to reflect our tastes. We are doing what works best for us." " I respect that we all have different opinions about weddings,I hope you understand that this was a decision my partner and I took very seriously, that we made after putting a lot of thought about".
    That being said, even if you're a people pleaser, don't sacrifice your vision and wants to please others (i ncluding the MOH, the moms) because you and your groom will be the ones who will have regrets later on, your MOH won't if YOUR wedding doesn't match her own vision, she won't even care about that on the day of.A wedding is one rare occasion when being selfish and only doing what you and your future husband want,saying NO to any ideas you don't want to do, is totally acceptable.
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  • K
    Dedicated May 2019
    Kylie ·
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    Honestly, the simple answer is to stop talking to her about your vow renewal. If she asks, answer her matter of factly, and the moment she tries expresses a distasteful opinion, you quickly and cheerfully affirm that you’re not looking for opinions, decisions have been made and then change the subject.
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  • Paige
    VIP October 2022
    Paige ·
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    Definitely stick to your guns with what you want. One person's dream day may be another person's nightmare, but as long as the people getting married are happy about it, that's all that matters. If someone else doesn't like it, they can plan their own wedding how they want.

    I'd recommend just not sharing the details of your day so your friend can't interject with her opinions. If she asks, just say that you're planning to surprise everyone and are very excited to see everything come together.

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  • Mrs.evans
    VIP October 2022
    Mrs.evans ·
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    Exactly what you just said. Just like that it is your wedding and if your father is giving you a 20acres to do what you will I see a nice big tent and the up lighting will be great play with some ideas on how you want and Your bestfriend just needs to fall in line and support you period.
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  • Elle
    Just Said Yes March 2023
    Elle ·
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    I think that you should tell her just that "people pleasing is hard for me, and I need your support. This is what I want to do, can you help me make this plan awesome?!"

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  • Steph
    Dedicated May 2022
    Steph ·
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    This is an easy one for me… it’s as simple as not talking about your plans or asking opinions from anyone! This eliminates so much stress and drama throughout the process. Your wedding isn’t about pleasing others, it’s about what will make YOU happy. So before you explode on her… just tell her that you appreciate her input but when it’s time for her to do her own wedding she can certainly go whatever route she likes but you are going to do what you like for your own day. Tell her you need off her to be more supportive and less opinionated. If she isn’t up for the task, then she doesn’t need to be involved. Period.
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  • Michelle
    Rockstar December 2022
    Michelle ·
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    Don’t share your plans. Especially with anyone who is judgmental. A true friend will not judge you as this woman is doing. It’s ok to have different tastes but if she isn’t supporting your choices for being true to who and fiancé are, then reevaluate the friendship.
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