Hi everyone, I know this question has been asked to death, however this situation is a bit more delicate since my own sister is the bride, and I'm the MOH.
Summary:
-My sister and I have a great relationship. She is 1.5 years older than me, no kids. She's having her wedding 2 months after my baby is born (I'll be a first time mom). She asked if I think I'll be compromised of my duties, and I told her I can do any advance planning and day of help, but realistically will be out of commission between baby's birth and wedding day (2 month window). She had hired a wedding planner a while back and was fine with this.
-It didn't occur to me that my newborn won't be able to come, since the topic of my newborn not being allowed at the wedding didn't arise until I was 4 months pregnant. At that time, my sister asked what arrangements I'll have for the baby. When I suggested my husband wear the baby and walk away if there's crying, she said her wedding is a no kids wedding and she'd rather he enjoy himself as well.
-She suggested I get a sitter to be at the venue and she'd be ok with the sitter managing the baby in the dressing area, and then my husband/I can check on him as needed.
-Any close family (all family pretty much) will be at this wedding. My husband's entire family lives abroad, an 8 hour flight away so help from them isn't an option.
My concerns:
-I understand completely if my sister doesn't want any kids present, and if my baby were 1 year+ (or even 6 months+) I'd be fine with having a close friend watch him or hire a babysitter and have that night off to drink and dance. However, this is not the case.
-Given my newborn will be so young at just 2 months old, I'll feel extremely uneasy having a stranger babysitter watching him (even if it's a separated dressing room at the venue) especially given COVID and that the baby will still be building up his immune system. Since the venue is 2 hours from our apartment, we'd need to find a local babysitter and it'll be out of the question having the sitter meet the baby prior to the day. We'll also need to hire someone experienced with newborns specifically since they're fragile, so we'll need to pay more than a normal babysitter. We're not strapped for cash but weren't planning to spend ~$500 on a babysitter (rapid COVID PCR test, background check, 40/hr) on top of all the other baby related costs, in order to be able to attend the wedding.
-I've been told that at 2-3 months, babies start recognizing faces and will be mistrusting of strangers, I'm not sure how much this varies but the last thing I want is to traumatize my baby/start off with abandonment issues with a stranger watching him, after my first (and probably only) pregnancy.
-I planned to nurse until 3-4 months and then pump/use formula. The newborn needs to feed every 2 hours at that age, so I'll either need to step out frequently to breastfeed or I'll need to pump in advance (which will be difficult since my understanding is that I cannot pump more than enough to cover barely one feeding). Even if I pump, I'm not sure if my newborn will be able to bottle feed at that time.
-My husband is completely against the idea of a sitter at the venue as well, for all the above reasons. He does not feel he will be able to enjoy himself if he's worried about our newborn the entire time. My husband really likes my sister and her fiancé, but they are not friends except through my relationship with my sister, so he doesn't think it'll be a big loss if he needs to step away once in a while. My mom will be at the wedding and offered to help (without me asking, she insisted and it only further frustrated my sister), but I told her privately to please focus on my sister's day and that my husband and I will 100% manage the newborn.
My options:
-Get a sitter for the baby at the venue and hope it goes well (my husband is extremely against this and I cannot being to tell you how uncomfortable I am with this)
-Try to explain to my sister what newborn care is like (feeding frequency, pumping, abandonment issues), that she's asking a lot of me to get a stranger watch my newborn, and hope she lets my husband handle the baby for the day. She keeps sending articles and suggestions on "kids at weddings" but I think she's not aware that a newborn is not a kid/toddler (or even an older infant for that matter).
I feel frustrated with the timing of when my baby is coming, but really think we can manage around the wedding (my husband is great for this, he was pretty much born ready to be a dad). I really do not feel comfortable with a sitter at the venue, but also don't want to upset my sister/make her feel like I don't care about her, because I really do. Unfortunately, I could not plan my reproductive life around this wedding and have my newborn's health to think of.
Suggestions/advice are welcome. I'd like to especially hear from brides who had a sister or extremely close friend with a super fresh out of the oven newborn at their wedding and how they handled it.