Moh/ Best Friend just quit

I understand how hurtful that can be and I am sorry. I was listening to my YouTube wedding planner. She was talking about how most of the time of expectations are higher then everyone else's because we have an expectation of how we want our wedding day to be and sometimes we hold other people to those expectations especially those in our wedding party.

She shouldn't have committed to being your MOH if she had so much going on in her life and since you knew of the life changing events she is having I think you may looked past the thought of her being too busy. I am not knocking you for wanting your best friend to be apart of your day (Everyone should want their bestie be apart of their day), I just think there was a lot put on the situation. I am sorry and hope you can find someone to replace her as MOH.

She’s moving three days after the wedding? So why can’t she make it the day of your wedding? I think she was happy to be by your side but realized all the work and she just may not have time to do it and doesn’t want to hurt your feelings.

That’s not cool. Your wedding is a month away and she should honor her commitment to you. Moving 3 days after your wedding is stressful, but it’s not the day of your wedding.
Let her know that you understand that she has major changes going on, but she made a commitment to you and you are disappointed that she is not honoring it.

That's really rough. It's unfortunate, but not everyone values being a part of someone else's wedding as strongly as we'd hope. If I was you, I would probably end up seeing it as a wrinkle in the friendship and would likely start expecting less of that friend going forwards in life. 😕

Dude that's not cool.

i get that there's a lot of things people have going on in their lives and obviously she has stuff going on but in her case that sounds kind of messed up! sorry that happened to you.

I am so sorry to hear that. I thought I was the only one going through that with my Matron of honor. I have been completely hurt and blindsided by her.
Might be a stupid question but will you still continue your friendship after this? I am sure you have been accommodating through all she has been doing. It is sad when others can not do the same for the people who have been there for them through things in their lives.

View Quoted Comment I honestly don't know, I have always had the worst realtionships with best friends. It's very depressing I always put so much effort into the friendship then I feel they do. I know she doesn't value marriage as much as I do but I still had someone else doing all the maid of honor duties all she had to do was show up and she then asked if she could just walk down the isle then leave. I think its all because she doesn't trust her man with the babies but they would have been fine. Then after she told me shouldn't come or be in at all she goes everything happens for a reason. That is what has probably hurt my feelings the most.

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I am so sorry you are going through this. That is no way to treat anyone you respect let alone a friend! I cannot believe she even tried to justify her behavior. Hugs to you.

First of all, I'm really sorry you're having to deal with this so close to your wedding. Secondly, it does seem like your BF is flip flopping on her ability to attend or not. Which to me says she really wants to be there, but is feeling very overwhelmed. With a new baby and a house closing, I'd probably be at the end of my rope too. My recommendation would be to not write her off juuuuust yet (unless you're just done with it all, then by all means, go for it). I'd maybe sit down with her and discuss. Preferably in person, but over the phone or video call otherwise. I would very much recommend against texting, as texting leaves a lot of intonations and visual cues out.

Just level with her, that you'd love for her to be there, but you're getting mixed messages. Maybe she's worried about everything that will be required of her. Perhaps talking through it all will help her understand what she needs to do, and what she is blowing out of proportion. Talking it out, perhaps you can better gauge her ability to be there. If she can't fill the role of MOH, perhaps she'd be happy to be a bridesmaid, and will only be there for the wedding, but maybe has to skip the rehearsal dinner/other stuff. As she seems to be feeling overwhelmed, I'm sure she'd be relieved to have less responsibility.

Then, you could promote one of your other bridesmaids to MOH. I feel like a lot of people tend to jump to cutting ties, but if this is your best friend, that seems very hasty. We all have crazy lives, but she sounds very stressed right now, and is probably making decisions based on that, and not what she really wants. I think you should just have a conversation, be honest, but kind. And if she needs to step down as MOH, so be it.

View Quoted Comment In all honesty you are not alone there! It sucks that she accepted the position most likely knowing what comes with the title. To go through all of that to leave you high and dry in the end shows her true colors. As much as it sucks to hear they are not a good person and you deserve better you do! I completely understand the hurt feelings.
What else do you need done for your wedding? You value marriage so minus this situation are you excited?

Hi Nicole-first of all I am deeply sorry and I hope that I can provide some comfort and perhaps some insight. First of all, I am 45, I have one child that is in college and another that is in her late teens. We just had our 25 year vow renewal-so I have a few years in the adulting/parenting/marriage and friendship game. I remember the stress of pregnancy, childbearing and buying a house, and I too had all those things happening very close to one another. It sounds like your friend is in a stage of life where the timing for your wedding is not emotionally doable. I know this hurts, but if I dig back to how I felt during those times of my life, I can't imagine being able to manage being a maid of honor, or even a bridesmaid. And having twins-all I can say is YIKES! And no, I wouldn't have left my husband alone with two babies either, even though he is a great dad. I also saw that you said that you put a lot of effort into your friendships and have had some difficulties with best friends in the past. My first piece of advice is to drop the title "best friend". If someone is good enough to be considered a friend, there is no need to put them in a hierarchy. All friends offer something different and valuable at different times of our lives. The "best friend" title is placing a lot of expectation on both you and the friend, and can create a lot of tension when those expectations are not met. It can also devalue other friendships. The average "shelf life" of a friendship in adulthood is 5-7 years. This is due to the fact that most friends are based on common interests, locations, work and stages of life. If you have differences in any or multiple areas, the friendship is less likely to last. And that is OK. Hopefully you will make it to be my age and have 1-2 good friends that have been with you throughout those stages. I say give your friend some grace, take the wedding off her plate. If after all of this, and your wedding the friendship is still mutually beneficial, then it will continue. If not, open your life up to new friendships. And as far as your wedding goes, you don't need to have a maid of honor or matron of honor. You can have your bridesmaids share all those responsibilities. A lot of these "rules" for weddings were decided by other people without our input. There is no need to follow them. I wish you well.

I'm sorry you're feeling that way, and I understand how it sucks. Your MOH has had twins, and that just changes so much in life. I wouldn't assume that you're not important, it's just that the babies will be taking up all of her time. That with moving, and I see how this would be impossible for her. I would wish her the best and plan the wedding without her. I wouldn't replace her though, because that will make the replacement feel, well, second choice.

Oh that is rough. So sorry you’re dealing with that. Are you both on the same page for expectations? All she has to do is buy a dress, show up and have fun. That should not cut into the other things going on.

I’m kind of surprised so many people are writing her off… Twins are NOT easy. Like ever. Leaving a new dad alone for probably a whole day with them being six months old makes my teeth itch. As a new mom, I don’t think it isn’t natural to be worried about their well-being. Adding the house on top of that and moving makes me feel exhausted for her lol. That’s a ton of packing (is she getting help with that?), prepping with the companies, and eight hours away! How are they getting the babies there? An eight hour car ride with twin six month olds make my teeth itch too.
AND THEN YOU HAVE TO UNPACK! And also pray the kids sleep schedule, if there is one, isn’t royally messed up.
I think you’re having a one time stressful event and she’s having several. She may be struggling to try and make you happy but also deal with the stresses of moving her entire life 8 hours away. It’s easy to say you can be there and help out before having kids. You don’t realize how much they change things for you til you have them. Try and meet her in the middle somehow if possible.
Hope you guys can come to a conclusion 👍🏾