Post content has been hidden

To unblock this content, please click here

Beginner August 2024

moh dilemma.

Mandie, on May 27, 2024 at 7:57 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 4

Saved

Flag
Hide content

Hi, I am a 28 year old woman getting married this August. I have 3 half sisters, one is 30 (same mom different dad), another with the same mom and different dad who is 16. And a third who is four months younger than me and has different mom same dad.
Now even though I lived with the other 2. this sister who lived with her own mother and I are still very close! we spend a lot of time together growing up. And take girls trips as adults. And she is the more responsible sister. So months ago I was debating who to make MOH. Side note she made me MOH in her wedding that unfortunately never happened. But I was still chosen. Although she doesn’t have other sisters to choose from. That said I would have chosen her if I didn’t want to hurt my other sisters feelings. So ultimately I choose my aunt to be matron of honor because she knew I was having a hard time and she offered herself up and I accepted… But my sister who I would have choose has been so helpful and I really want to let her know her effort and care hadn’t gone unnoticed. Can you all help me come up with idk maybe a private way to let her know I would have chosen her. Or should I make her MOH last minute along with the matron of honor. She really deserves it and I wish I picked her from the beginning. They are all so special to me and my older sister has 5 kids so that plays a role in her inactive role in my wedding. I do think it might still hurt my older sisters feelings a little. But this other sister deserves some kind of recognition.

Flag
Hide content

4 Comments

Latest activity by Michelle, on May 27, 2024 at 7:00 PM

Rockstar November 2054
Jacks · on May 27, 2024 at 10:39 AM
Flag

Hide content
I think sincere appreciation and some flowers would be nice. Literally telling her you would have chosen her because she’s doing more for you sounds insulting to your aunt. Being MOH isn’t about who can do more for you at all. There was a reason you chose your aunt. Don’t let the wedding expectations ruin that for you.
- Reply
Savvy November 2024
Yreka · on May 27, 2024 at 3:34 PM
Flag

Hide content
I agree - just outright telling her how much she means to you, and how much you appreciate what she's doing. Maybe with a handwritten card. I'm so glad you have such a close relationship.
Are you worried she will believe you don't value her enough since you didn't make her MOH? If she has planned a wedding, she probably knows it's not that straightforward. There are probably people who she loves dearly who she didn't ask to be in her wedding party. Plus, she knows something about the relationship she has to you. She probably isn't thinking you don't love her enough - I can be rather anxious, and I have learned that if I try to reassure someone that something ISN'T true, often I'm introducing an idea they never thought!
Wedding stress is real - I think that's what's talking to you right now. But your relationship with your sister goes long before and after your wedding. She isn't using your MOH choice alone to figure out whether you care about her. I hope telling her how much she means to you will put your mind at ease.
- Reply
VIP May 2022
Jasmine S. · on May 27, 2024 at 4:37 PM
Flag

Hide content
Lots of weddings have both a maid and matron of honor. You could talk to her about if she wants that role?
- Reply

Rockstar December 2022
Michelle · on May 27, 2024 at 7:00 PM
Flag

Hide content
There is no polite way to say “you didn’t make the cut”. It’s going to be hurtful no matter what. The maid of honor should be your closest most supportive person, not someone asked out of obligation due to how they are related to you. Some people are blessed with super close supportive relationships with siblings and other relatives and others are not and there is no one size fits all when it comes to this because everyone’s relationships are different. Also some people are supportive of you and the relationship you have with your partner but they don’t want to be a bridesmaid because of the finances or emotional strain involved. There is a stigma that declining the role of bridesmaid (or groomsman but much more prevalent with bridesmaids) somehow supposedly means that someone doesn’t support you but that is absolutely not true and the mindset needs to stop because that is what is harmful.

Any role is not reciprocal for the same reasons. You may be closer to a best friend than a sibling while someone else you are a bridesmaid for is closer to some other friend or relative than you. That’s not a flaw on their part, nor a reason for anyone to get upset that they were not chosen.
- Reply