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Savvy July 2021

moh drama

Margouettha, on June 30, 2021 at 1:14 PM Posted in Community Conversations 0 14

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Hey guys. Just want to vent a little bit. Just looking for advice on how you would go about this situation. My wedding is July 24th. My MOH is my childhood best friend of over 20+ years. But we’ve lived apart from eachother for most of our friendship. She lives in FL and I live in NY. My fiancé and I wanted to have a joint bachelor and bachelorette party in Vegas with our bridal party. Since it was taking place in Vegas I insisted it be a 21+ event. I have a few bridesmaids and groomsmen that are 18/19 years old. My MOH’s SISTER is also a 19 year old bridesmaid. My MOH insisted that I made an exception for her sister because she did not want to fly alone. She didn’t really ask or anything she just said that is what will be done. My MOH also mentioned that she will be making all the plans and buying bathing suits, shirts etc for the bridal party and for me not to worry about that stuff even though I insisted that I wanted to do it. When we got to Vegas she did not have any plans, any shirts, any bathing suits anything.
Friday night was the night we chose to be “the bachelorette” night. This means the guys separate with my fiancé and the girls with me. The plan was to go to a strip club and then clubbing after. My MOH chose the location making sure that it was 18+ for her sister. Everyone sent me their money for the table and I charged it on my card. Of course when we get there the bouncer says that it is a 21+ event. Instead of telling us we should all go in and she’ll get her sister home she told the bouncer that we all want our money back. It was when I couldn’t take it anymore I told her we are going inside you can figure that out. I feel like she made this whole trip about herself and her sister and totally forgot the main purpose of this trip. To put the cherry on top while I was in the club, she texted me demanding me for her and her sister’s portion of the tickets back. I ended up sending it back to her but I feel like that is just cruel. I wanted to remove her as MOH but I feel like at this point the wedding is so close…is it even worth it? Is this also worth losing a friendship for 20+ years over? How would you go about this?

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14 Comments

Latest activity by Samantha, on June 30, 2021 at 6:06 PM

VIP January 2019
Maggie · on June 30, 2021 at 1:41 PM
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That sounds like an unfortunately planned event that purposely left out multiple members of your wedding party. But it's in the past and nothing can be done about that now. Looking ahead to your wedding and beyond, I would think really hard about whether you want to throw away 20+ years of friendship over a Vegas vacation. Only you can answer that, of course.
If you decide you are done with the friendship, then go ahead and kick her and her sister out of your wedding. If you decide the friendship is worth saving, then apologize for your part in planning a vacation that excluded important people and tell her that you want to work together to repair your relationship. A sincere apology and good communication will work wonders here.
Good luck with your decision!
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Savvy July 2021
Margouettha · on June 30, 2021 at 1:42 PM
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Thank you darling.!
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Dedicated November 2021
Sav · on June 30, 2021 at 1:45 PM
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I can understand the situation from both sides honestly. In many ways it does seem like she dropped the ball on the planning portion. Which for obvious reasons is so disappointing. With a friendship that long, I’d suggest just taking some time. Weddings are stressful for everyone involved. And sometimes people coupe with it differently. I would take a little longer to cook off and try and keep things pleasant between yoy.

On the flip side, if I were in a bridal party and was underage, I’d be pretty hurt that I was being left out of critical events such as a bachelorette party. So I guess I can understand why she sort of stuck up for bringing her sister along….
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Savvy July 2021
Margouettha · on June 30, 2021 at 1:54 PM
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Everyone was involved in the bridal shower and participated in that. The bachelor and bachelorette party was always planned to be in Vegas and my little cousin and FH’s niece was very understanding about the fact that they couldn’t come. The younger ones will also be involved in our group dance for the wedding. It’s just since my FH and I both knew we wanted to have it in Vegas it would make things easier to be 21+. But I do understand what you mean when I think of both perspectives.
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Expert December 2021
Samantha · on June 30, 2021 at 2:39 PM
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I can understand both sides but I don't feel she handled things appropriately. It was a joint party for the bride and groom, not some friendly get together. I'd speak to her face to face (or Zoom) and have a come to Jesus meeting so both of you can air out your grievances and move on. A 20+ year friendship shouldn't be crumbled to buts just because an underage sister couldn't party.
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Savvy July 2021
Margouettha · on June 30, 2021 at 2:50 PM
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Thank youuuuu! Glad you understand. It’s the fact that she was asking for our money back instead of letting everyone else (who is clearly over 21) go inside for the event. Her sister was the only person underage there and she wanted to just say forget the whole night because 1 person couldn’t get in.
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Expert December 2021
Samantha · on June 30, 2021 at 2:52 PM
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That sounds a bit immature and rude to ask for money back and blow off the night for her sister. She knew well in advance about the event and that there would be drinking involved, and should have known her sister might not have been able to participate. I got the impression that her sister being there was more important to her than her being there and having a good time with you and the rest of the bridal part, especially since she went out of her way to find somewhere 18+ when everyone else was 21+.
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Expert August 2021
Katie · on June 30, 2021 at 3:03 PM
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I agree I'd be upset that you asked me to be in your wedding knowing I was under age and then exclude me from the Bachelorette party because I was under age. It is pretty hurtful when you are the one being excluded. And I agree that maybe the MOH felt the same and stood by her sister. With that being said removing her from your bridal party is more than likely going to end that friendship. You just have to decide if the inconvenience she put you through is enough to end a long friendship with her.
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Devoted October 2021
Gabby · on June 30, 2021 at 3:16 PM
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When a bridal party has underage people it's nice to do some things that can include them as well (idk if you all had any under 21 activities planned) but I don't think it's fair that there can be no drinking and clubs at all. This definitely should have been planned better.
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Expert September 2022
Courtney · on June 30, 2021 at 3:52 PM
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I think the MOH was selfish in insisting her sister, who was in no way involved in the wedding party/planning (as far as I can to tell), had to come with you guys to Vegas. Then on top of that to completely drop the ball in planning is very frustrating.
I also agree with PPs that the exclusion of the rest of the wedding party was rude, and if you always knew the party would be in Vegas, you probably shouldn't have asked underage people to be in your wedding party.
Overall, yea, take a step back and breathe when it comes to your friendship. Sure things didn't go the way you planned, and MOH was being selfish in her choices, but is that something that's new or something you hoped she'd put aside for the wedding? I think a deep reflection on your friendship is called for, but this isn't necessarily something worth ending the friendship over.
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Savvy July 2021
Margouettha · on June 30, 2021 at 5:55 PM
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This is exactly how I’m feeling 🥺
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Expert December 2021
Samantha · on June 30, 2021 at 5:56 PM
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Just talk to her and let her know how much she means to you and how you don't want this ruining your friendship. Acknowledged things and move past them. If she's truly your friend then she will.
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Savvy July 2021
Margouettha · on June 30, 2021 at 5:57 PM
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Thanks for this I will definitely take this into consideration!
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Expert December 2021
Samantha · on June 30, 2021 at 6:06 PM
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Good luck!
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