Mom cant go to my wedding. What do i chose?

Personally I would have the wedding I want and pay for it myself. I would pay for it myself if it meant my mother could be there.

If you choose to go, you will be choosing his family over your own. Do they know the situation and still try to put pressure on you to get married in Mexico? Because if so, it shows that they do not consider you or your needs and feelings, or just ignore them for their own convenience. What does your FH say to this, is he ok with his future wife's mother not attending your wedding? Does your mom know that his family are dead set on a Mexico wedding knowing that she wouldn't be able to attend?
Honestly, a big expensive wedding won't make you happy if the people you are closest to won't be there to celebrate with you. Also, having your in-laws pay for the wedding means that you won't have any control over it, they will just throw their own party and invite whoever they want. If it were me, I would just go with whatever I can afford but really concentrate on what's important to me (ie have my mother attend).

View Quoted Comment “ Honestly, a big expensive wedding won't make you happy if the people you are closest to won't be there to celebrate with you. Also, having your in-laws pay for the wedding means that you won't have any control over it, they will just throw their own party and invite whoever they want. If it were me, I would just go with whatever I can afford but really concentrate on what's important to me (ie have my mother attend).”



Totally agree with all of this! Tell your in-laws you appreciate the offer, but unfortunately you will have to decline since their plans do not include your mother. Plan and pay for your own wedding.

I can’t imagine choosing to get married without my mom present, especially if that choice included my spouse’s whole family being able to still attend. I think you have to decide if it’s more important to you to have your mom there or if the big wedding is more important.

What does FH say? Unless he’s fully set on Mexico, his parents should not be pushing this on you. Regardless if you keep it where you are or destination, it sounds like his parents are going to use money as a manipulation tool. I would decline their money and plan the wedding where and how you and FH want.

Have the wedding you and fiancé can afford on your own. This is not his parents’ wedding. Learn how to set and maintain boundaries with consequences because this will continue after the wedding.

I'd choose my mother.


Them calling you "ungrateful" for declining their offer to accommodate your MOTHER is borderline abusive. Set boundaries with these awful, shortsighted, controlling people now.
This is a no brainer to me

I would have my wedding where my mom could attend. When people offer to pay for something completely, it always comes with string. If I were you, I would plan the wedding you want and pay for it on your own.

View Quoted Comment Agreed.


Show them it is not part of Your Culture to choose a party over people. You and your partner can create different family priorities without these generational hangups. Best wishes getting on the same page asserting boundaries.

Could you do both? Have the actual ceremony where your mom can attend and then have the party in Mexico where your in-laws want?

View Quoted Comment I totally agree. It’s rude that they’re saying it’s rude for you not to accept their plans when that prevents your mom from being there. Plan/pay for the wedding you want in the U.S.

What does your FH say about this all? Does he want to go to Mexico or stay in the US? I would really find it hard to not have my mother at my wedding. Would his parents come to the wedding if it is in the US?

Um. No.


On so many levels, absolutely NOT.
The level of audacity that it takes for someone to demand that you have the wedding THEY want, where they want, which includes basically forgetting about your own mother entirely....and then on top of ALL of that, to call you ungrateful if you do not accept????

Nope. I'd tell them to keep their money. I would plan AND pay for the wedding my partner and I want. Even if that meant a very small elopement. I would not accept any money from your in laws and, honestly, given how your story comes across, I would keep them at arms length moving forward. They just showed you who they are with the blatant disregard of your immediate family. That would be way too much for me to just forget.
I wish I had better advice for you but I would STRONGLY recommend paying for your own wedding and declining any help your in-laws offer.