Mom Insists on a Catholic Priest

View Quoted Comment Yes please do! Can’t wait to see them!

View Quoted Comment Your DH is me in this situation! My FH and I have been attending a Protestant church. I like it so much more. But, yeah… I think it’s so wrong to sign a contract/make a promise that I 100% do not intend to keep.

Oh wow!! That makes me upset that she went behind your back to do that.. I would definitely have a heart to heart conversation with her if possible. I hope she understands where you are coming from though when you have that talk.
But girl!! I was born and raised Catholic and I on longer agree on certain practices or values within that religion.. I haven't practiced Catholicism in a LONG time. When one of my best friends brought me to her Christian church I felt like I was able to really connect to God on a different level. It honestly made me feel better because I didn't feel restricted? I really don't know how to explain, but I was just able to express myself more with God on a deeper level that made me HAPPY. But anyways! I'm getting off topic! I would definitely have that talk with your mom.

View Quoted Comment That’s exactly what happened to me, too! The only thing years of doctrine shoved down my throat do was push me away. Despite that, I still gave it a chance a few years ago and then, was completely disappointed and disgusted when the priest was openly bashing gay people in front of the entire congregation. I never went back again. So, my personal experience in a Catholic Church has either been meh or very uncomfortable. Then, I went to church with my SIL at a Baptist church. I was so surprised that there wasn’t any ritualistic, just saying things you memorized from school that hold no deeper meaning. All I did was literally sing and pray and it felt a much deeper connection and relationship with God than I ever did at a Catholic Church. I can’t explain the feeling either. It’s like being at peace with yourself rather than dragging my foot through the mud.

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That's exactly how I felt. I knew I wouldn't be keeping that promise and I couldn't do it knowing that. We attend a protestant church now and are happy with that. Sometimes we go to a Catholic service for Easter or Christmas (especially if we are with his family) but I don't mind going occasionally, I just couldn't attend one all the time . I'm glad you are enjoying the protestant church now

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The priest did what???!! I would've walked RIGHT OUT. But I am sooo glad that you are happy now with your new church now!!
But yes, definitely see if you can have a heart to heart with your mom about this. Religion may be a touchy subject, but I pray that her heart is open to have you and your FH have to say.

I would say that you have discussed it with God while in prayer, and you have already decided on who will be officiating your wedding.

Be prepared for some prying questions like, "How did you know? How are you sure?"

Other questions may be more personal and rude like, "Why are you incorporating your FH's side and not ours?"

If she is the manipulative type, "The Fifth commandment says you are to honor your mother and father, why aren't you honoring me with my decision?"

I would answer her candidly with something to the effect of, " (My FH) and I have spent time together discussing what a Godly marriage should be, especially what it means to be a wife. After spending time with (FH's) pastor, I felt there was more of an understanding with how (FH) and I want our marriage to be. "

For "bonus material" if she tries to be manipulative, you can resort to, "I want to emulate the behavior of what a wife should be in Ephesians 5:22". While this passage does describe the submission of a wife to her husband, Ephesians 5:23 reciprocates how husbands should be onto their wives. (Only a suggestion, you and your FH decide how it plays out in your lives).

If your mom is truly concerned about faith, maybe she will back off once you demonstrate you have understanding and knowledge of the scriptures.

If your mom STILL pushes the issue, be firm, and you can do it with your FH present- he should support you as you are supposed to protect and support your spouse. He can even say this for you:

"We thank you for your concern, but a decision has been made...(and we do not want/we will not discuss this further)".

Your mom may be mad, try to manipulate people behind your back (if she is the type), but you will have to lean on each other- it won't be the first time your relationship and future marriage faces a trial.

Stand your ground.

No one should impose their religion on your. You and your husband get to choose what your wedding looks like, not your parents.

Offering my support from afar!

Honestly, it's your and your FH's decision ultimately. I know parents + familial beliefs can be a point of tension, but it's also totally your discretion.

We're having a Catholic ceremony separately from the big wedding, but also because our desired date is within Lent (no celebrations), so we're just doing a smaller Catholic wedding a month before with only my family and anyone in our wedding party who wants to be there with us, but it's absolutely to make sure my mom is happy in that regard.

Not 100% similar, but we're also doing this to avoid some tension around my FH's parents not being Catholic + not agreeing with some things about Catholicism. I'm wondering if you could discuss with your parents about having a small, separate Catholic ceremony if you want to do any sort of compromising (like, honestly, "adding 10 min" to the ceremony just for a Catholic blessing isn't even worth it, IMO, and I still consider myself Catholic just not super practicing).

All will be as you and ur fiancé hope for because no matter what it will result in your final decision. I hope you continue to be kind to your mother and continue to be empathetic for her. She probably dreamed for you to have a catholic ceremony as she tried to instill her faith to you. Remind her all the positives that you still have faith and love for God and that’s what matters. If you show her how appreciative you are of her, maybe she will feel at ease and calm; then you can distract her with involving her another aspect of your wedding that could use her help. I believe the best and loving moms always want to be helpful. Many blessings for your family and new family!

As many people have said, the Catholic church is VERY strict with their rules. They likely won't marry or even "bless" your wedding if you and your husband are not practicing Catholics and do not vow to continue to practice.

I was raised Catholic (no longer practicing) and have many friends who have tried getting married in the Catholic church. They do not want you living together prior to marriage plus many other things. I would look up what it would entail and explain to your mom why it may not be possible. If it's not something that you're comfortable with, that's also another reason to tell her you don't want to do it. She is still your mother at the end of the day (I know, very cliché) but if you have a good relationship with her, I wouldn't want to ruin it for 10 minutes out of the day.

Another idea would be the possibility of having a priest bless you and the meal at the reception? I don't even know if they would do it but it could be a way to have the 10 minutes of a blessing while having a shorter ceremony.