Mom is sick and won’t make it to my wedding. How do i cope with this?

I am so sorry you are going through this. My only advice is to reach out to the hospice. They can likely set you up with grief counseling to help you get through this time.

I’m so sorry to hear this news. That is absolutely devastating, and my heart goes out to you.
If you really want your mother to see you get married, you could reach out to hospice and see if they would let you legally be married there in front of her. You could then continue on with your celebration you had planned with the rest of your family and friends in December.

I’m so sorry. Please enjoy the time that you have left with her, and please get some grief counseling afterwards. ❤️ You say rescheduling isn’t what she’d want. Why not ask her what she DOES want? If she’d like a certain song or reading or something you can do on the day as “I’ll be watching you then.”

I'm so sorry that you are dealing with this. Is it cholangiocarcinoma? My partner of 8 years passed away at age 35 from that type of bile duct cancer in 2021.

First of all: loss is hard. Helping your loved one deal with cancer and the end of their life is incredibly hard. If it's clear that there are only days left, make sure you spend all the time with your Mom that you can. Allow yourself to relive memories and take in the present that you still have with her here. There will be time for all the other things in life, so take the time now to hit a little bit of a pause button and focus on your Mom. Even if it's just being by her bedside, you'll be very glad you did.

I don't know what state she is in right now, if she feels strong and alert enough for a lot of conversation. But I think it's a good idea to focus on surrounding her with love and strength right now. If she is alert and talking an wants to offer things up about the wedding, then that's great. Maybe try to key in to aspects of the ceremony she is excited about. But you are going to have plenty of emotions swirling around, you'll figure out the ways you want to honor your Mom at your wedding when that time comes. Just bring your attention to her now.

As far as coping: surround yourself with people who love you that you can lean on. If you have other family members around, make sure you can all lean on each other. Grief comes in waves, and it's often hard to manage. But you will. Sometimes it feels hard to ask for help, but please ask for it if you need it. Do you have someone who can pick up food or run to the store for that silly errand while you spend precious time with your Mom? Hopefully those that are close to you will offer help, but I promise there is no shame in asking for it.

I joined an online support group via CancerCare when my partner was in the final stages of his life. It was specifically targeted for young people whose significant others were dealing with terminal cancers. They have many targeted groups like this that might be of use to you, now or later. Therapy was also immensely helpful, even if some sessions I didn't really know how to best engage with the grief I was feeling. Just having a space with someone outside of my life, where I could bring up anything, cry, get mad, ask the impossible questions I was feeling; it was always beneficial. If you don't already see a therapist, I strongly recommend it as a tool for working through the grief you will feel or are already feeling.

Be gentle with yourself.

View Quoted Comment Thank you so so much for all of the advice, Sam. I am so sorry to hear about your partner. I’m not sure what type my mom has, but all I know is cancer is such an ugly disease. My family and I are definitely leaning on each other and spending every day and night together. It’s crazy to go through such a devastating time, while getting emails saying “your wedding is 10 weeks away!” Such a whirlwind of emotions. I have recently started seeing a therapist, and that has been helpful. Thanks again for all of the suggestions, because this grief is going to be difficult to navigate.

View Quoted Comment Thank you, Caryn. I will definitely reach out to them. They have been very helpful.

View Quoted Comment Thanks so much, Andrea. I have definitely been thinking of ways to incorporate her into our wedding. My fiancés mom also passed away 8 years ago, so we will have to brainstorm ways to include both of them in our day.

View Quoted Comment Thank you so much Cece. We have talked about doing an intimate ceremony, and are probably going to decide against it. But it is definitely a great thought. She wants us to just go on with the wedding in December as planned, so we will do just that ❤️