Mom is trying to take over wedding planning

'Well, mom, that's not the direction we've decided to go." "We've made up our minds and are not entertaining other opinions on the subject, thanks."

Simple—just stop sharing things with her. If she asks about wedding details, just change the subject in a breezy way. Why does she even know what color your bridesmaids proposal boxes are??

I agree with both of the above comments. I would stop sharing wedding info with her unless it directly involves her. If she asks about something that you know she'll have a strong opinion on, a vague reply along the lines of, "Hmm, we haven't decided yet" or "We're keeping that part a surprise" or "Thanks for the suggestion! We'll consider it", and then change the subject. If she makes a comment about a choice you made or tries to change your mind or convince you to change your plans, a more forceful, "We are sticking to what we decided, and are not changing our minds." Then change the subject. If there's anything that you don't have a strong opinion on (centerpieces, flowers, etc), you could let her have all the say on that topic (and let her do all the work on that), which will help her to feel included and like her opinion is being heard. But if there aren't any tasks that you're willing to let her handle, then just avoid talking about too many wedding details with her.

View Quoted Comment I showed her a picture of the boxes after I put them together. I’m not sure if you’re trying to be hostile or what, but I don’t see how it’s weird that I would show her what the boxes look like. I was excited after I put them together and wanted to show someone. My mom and I have a closer relationship, so cutting her out of this completely isn’t exactly an option.

It’s time to put on your big girl panties and set boundaries. If cutting her out isn’t possible at least tell her how her comments make you feel. If she doesn’t respect or support you, stop sharing all the details. You can busy her with things you don’t care about.. like favors.

View Quoted Comment I honestly think your defensive response tells it all. I didn’t say it was weird your mom knew what color your proposal boxes were, you brought that up. You were the one who said your mom giving her opinion was making “it” not fun anymore—I don’t know if your antecedent for it was sharing or wedding planning, but either way, yikes.
If you’re an adult woman who’s mature enough to get married, you’re mature enough to either stop sharing details entirely OR remain breezy and positive and firm when you share details, and be prepared to purposefully change the subject.
My mom, who admittedly has many faults, whenever I shared a wedding detail with her, would enthusiastically gush alongside me, happy I made a decision that made me happy. She knew I wasn’t sharing to invite an opinion in or seek validation, she knew I just wanted to share and was honored I thought of her during the planning process.

Your mom had already had her wedding and this is your chance to plan your ms how you and fiancé want. It’s not Mom’s decision. Stop sharing information and let her know how you feel. Set and maintain boundaries because this behavior will continue after the wedding as well: where you and fiancé decide to live and work, where you spend vacations, how often you visit, how your children are raised and the list goes on.

You have to just say what you think and assert yourself. Say, mom "I really like my color and I'm ok with you not liking it". Wedding planning is a new beast and you two haven't had this kind of practice as adults with this level of pressure. There's no reason to shut your mom out of planning, of you establish boundaries. Keep telling her your opinions. And when she shares her opinions, that's all they are - her opinions, which you have asked for.
My adult daughter is quiet too. I had a tendency to be too influencial with my opinions when she was coming of age. It has taken practice for me to stop asserting my opinions, but it has also taken practice for her to just flat out tell me, "no mom, I like it this way". I think if you give her the chance to get it right, this can be a fun time for both of you.

View Quoted Comment I agree. Just stop sharing.

Or give the money back and pay your dress,hair & MU yourself. That way saying "no" will be easier.

Sound like you definitely need to set boundaries.

Some advice I was given was to give her full control over something you don’t care about. For me it was table linens. I couldn’t decide and let her pick. I then changed my color palate so her decisions were trashed anyway but she still got to pick. Then super close to the wedding she was nit picking some of my centerpieces saying they were too short. I told I don’t have the money or mental capacity to deal with centerpieces if she wanted to adjust them go for it but she needed to pay. So she did she was happy and out of my hair and it wasn’t a big change from what I had anyway (she added like a thick disk thing to raise up the candles).
You can also always say that’s for the advise I’ll consider it. And then immediately forget it, lol.
Or thanks mom we’ve already made a decision about that.

Everyone has given good advice. Stop sharing with her. You seem reluctant to do that, but we can't help you make your mom a different person, so not sure otherwise how to advise. Boundaries are important, so simply saying "thanks, but we have that handled" is another possible response.

Instead of not sharing, another thing you could do is have a really candid conversation with her about how her constant influx of opinions is making you feel.

"Mom, I really love and appreciate that you are so excited about me planning this wedding, but it makes me feel stressed out when you criticize my opinions. This is my wedding, and while I want your help, I would appreciate it if moving forward you didn't offer your preferences unless I ask for them. I want to continue to be able to share the planning process with you, but I also need to be confident and happy with the decision SO and I make."

If she cannot respect these initial boundaries you may have to make the decision to stop sharing things with her until already decided. However, I think it's always good practice to give someone the benefit of the doubt and explain how their actions are hurting you to allow them to try and fix it.

Welcome to Wedding planning 101. Stand your ground and assert yourself and just be clear about articulating your vision. I think in good faith mom‘s get so excited about their daughters getting married and probably are revisiting their own wedding through planning yours if that makes sense. So give her a bit of grace continue to stand your ground. For context I’m going through the same thing but I’m on the tail end of planning and I’m exhausted and I’m just saying OK to everything she’s suggest because I’m tired of fighting her and honestly the things that she suggesting a so. minutia I really don’t care about it. They are only paying for alcohol and lending us their home the balance of the wedding is on us and it is ridiculous how much it is costing. However in the beginning she had definitive opinions about my dress that I ended up buying because she liked it and then ended up buying another that I liked better and I haven’t even told her about it I’m just gonna show up with it at the wedding. Anyway good luck in all this

Haha tell her to beat it! No don’t say that, but def stick to your guns. It’s your wedding not hers, even if she is paying for some things. Just say, no I think we’re going to choose this but thanks!

View Quoted Comment I don’t think she was trying to be hostile, just wondering why you’re sharing such a small detail with someone who is giving you so much grief already about your choices. I agree, stop sharing because she’s going to disagree with all of it. She’s planning her wedding, not yours.