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Just Said Yes May 2023

Mom Issues

Rally, on February 6, 2022 at 12:18 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 7

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I'm getting remarried next year and my mom is not showing any interest in wanting to be involved with any planning ( She wasn't the first time around either). First time around we never went more dress shopping or anything like that together. This time I want to do those things. Her big concern is money. She's not well off and I told her we are covering everything. She feels even spending $30 on a dress is too much less a hundred. She told me she always had hand-me-down dresses and there's no dress to hand me down. She says " I don't know how you can sit there and spend that much money on stuff for one day when I can't even retire and make ends meet" Mind you I do help her financially when she needs it. She likes my fiance and has given her blessing, I just don't get why shes acting this way. She's in her late 60s but acts like she's 80.

Any thoughts or strategies to get her more involved?

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7 Comments

Latest activity by Jacks, on February 10, 2022 at 2:02 AM

Super August 2023
Lunajay · on February 6, 2022 at 12:31 AM
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Since she is showing no interest and she has a commented for every expense which she knows she's not expected to pay for, I'm not sure if there is a way to get her more involved. I would suggest maybe she could help with your seating chart or something that doesn't involves money.
My mother of much help and whenever money is mention she shuts down or makes it seem like my aunts are the ones that are there for me.
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Rockstar October 2023
Cece · on February 6, 2022 at 6:26 AM
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Unfortunately, it doesn’t sound as though your mom wants to be involved, and trying to force it likely isn’t going to produce the results you’re hoping for. She is clearly extremely uncomfortable/unsupportive of your choices involving money; so maybe you could try involving her only in the tasks that do not require spending money.
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Dedicated April 2023
Ashley · on February 6, 2022 at 7:16 AM
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In fact you're lucky because you can do what you want and she will leave hou alone. On WW you can find at least 10 billions horror stories about moms trying to take over the planning, giving unwanted opinions, trying to push the couple to do things they don't want etc... You don't realize how lucky you are, girl.
If she doesn't want to be involved, so be it, it should prevent you from getting help from, for example: friends, siblings or cousins (especially for dress shopping).
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Devoted June 2023
bevbabe · on February 6, 2022 at 4:12 PM
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Why force her if she doesn't want to be involved?
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Rockstar November 2054
Jacks · on February 6, 2022 at 10:45 PM
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Yep I don't get why she needs to be involved? If she's late 60's and worried about money, that's legitimate, because she can't just go get a job. I would just say something like "anything you have in your closet would be great for you to wear to the wedding".
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Just Said Yes May 2023
Rally · on February 7, 2022 at 8:24 AM
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Thanks everyone for the input I do appreciate it. I like the idea of having her help with some of the "free tasks". I want her to feel beautiful on the day as well, and I wanna treat her. She doesn't have any dress clothes - she works at a nursing home and wears scrubs. I did remind her that her attire doesn't have to be new and we could even just go to goodwill to shop if that made her feel more comfortable. She still seems just meh about having to dress up even the tiniest. I'm sure we will figure it out.
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Rockstar November 2054
Jacks · on February 10, 2022 at 2:02 AM
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I hope your day is amazing!
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