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Erika.
Devoted May 2018

Mom skipping the wedding

Erika., on April 30, 2018 at 2:02 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 59
Well, we’re 11 days from the wedding and I’m so excited!
But I’m also so stressed and overwhelmed.

Earlier this month I had my bachelorette party in Fredricksburg, TX. It was a weekend thing. And, well long story short, my mom is so angry with me because I did not invite her. She said I put my FH’s family ahead of her (all his sisters went).
I didn’t invite her for a couple reasons. But now I’m blocked on Facebook and even on her cell phone.
She was mad that weekend and is still mad. I haven’t spoken with her and now, according to my sister, she will not be attending my wedding.

What should I do? Should I reach out, apologize, and tell her to come? Or should I leave it be and let her regret it later?

59 Comments

Latest activity by Nicole, on May 4, 2018 at 3:55 PM
  • M
    Super October 2018
    Michelle ·
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    I have family like that and I let them do them and they can live with the regret. I always worry they will try to bring down the mood of the event anyways.

    However, if you think you will regret her not being there, then maybe apologize and ask her to come.
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  • Forestwed
    Master May 2018
    Forestwed ·
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    I don’t think you should apologize. Your sil’s went not your mil. There’s a difference in sisters and mothers. She’s blowing this out of proportion and acting childish.
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  • Becca
    Expert October 2018
    Becca ·
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    Oh man, I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this. She is definitely not acting very motherly to you, that’s really sad.

    If if it were me, I would be the bigger person and find a way to reach out to her and apologize for not including her in your bach party and ask her to come to your wedding. Hopefully a light will go off and she realizes how childish she’s acting. Good luck, I hope things work out for you.
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  • Kristina
    Master August 2018
    Kristina ·
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    Yikes...usually mothers aren't invited to bachelorette parties anyway????

    It's really up to you and how you want to proceed. Has she always been this way? Will she regret it? Do YOU want her there?

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  • Going to the chapel
    Master July 2017
    Going to the chapel ·
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    I find it a little odd when moms go to the bachelorette. It's supposed to be a party for the bride and her friends. Moms, aunts (unless age appropriate) and grandmas can really put a damper on what should be great fun for the bride. I think she's being extremely immature (maybe that explains why she wanted to go the bach) by blocking you and saying she isn't going to the wedding. I wouldn't reach out. This is her problem and she needs to get over it on her own and grow up.

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  • MrsV1027
    Master October 2018
    MrsV1027 ·
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    Wow that's pretty harsh! I can't believe your own mom blocked you. I can't imagine my mom going to a bachelorette party(if I was having one that is lol). Were you two close before this happened?

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  • AmandaJHGV
    Devoted October 2017
    AmandaJHGV ·
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    I... wow... your mom is way out of line here. I think it's up to you to decide how you want to move forward with this, and maybe you'll decide it's better to give her the apology (that she doesn't deserve but is clearly demanding) just so that you can keep the peace. But I'm telling you right now that you don't OWE her any kind of apology whatsoever. She's being ridiculous and petty.

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  • K
    Expert May 2018
    K ·
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    I feel like your mother is being pretty immature in this situation. It's pretty normal for mothers not to attend a bachelorette weekend for the girls. If she was that upset, she could have reached out to you instead of blocking her daughter's calls/FB.

    With 11 days left, I'd try and reach out to discuss. If she chose not to attend after that, it would be on her and you could at least know you tried to fix the situation.

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  • Erika.
    Devoted May 2018
    Erika. ·
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    So that weekend when pictures were being posted, she called me yelling and telling me how “f-Ed up” I am and that I don’t care about my family.
    I did apologize to her that weekend and told her I’m sorry, I didn’t realize how much it meant to her to go, and I also didn’t think she would be able to afford it. She then told my sister I - ME - should have paid for her to go.

    She called my SILs B words and cursed at one of them on the phone.

    As as my mother, I want her there. And will be sad if she’s not.

    But the drama and victimization worries me.
    ESPECIALLY with an open bar. 😬
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  • FME
    Master March 2018
    FME ·
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    She's way out of line. There's nothing you can apologize for. Let her throw her temper-tantrum and let her decide if she's going to be childish and be the one that has to live with this regret the rest of her life. That's 100% on her not on you.

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  • HowCo Industries
    VIP September 2018
    HowCo Industries ·
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    Yes! Reach out to her! She is hurt. You should apologize. Talk about why you didn't invite her (unless it's likely to spark more drama) smd be clear about how much you love her and how important she is.
    This isn't a birthday party where you'll have another. This is your wedding and you'll regret it if she's not there for some bull hockey reason.
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  • Erika.
    Devoted May 2018
    Erika. ·
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    We used to talk a couple times a week before. I haven’t talked to her since April 10.
    She called me to yell at me and call me a b**** and then hung up on me.
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  • Mandi
    VIP May 2016
    Mandi ·
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    I agree with Amanda. You don't owe her an apology but maybe a "I'm sorry I hurt your feelings and made you feel like you were being left out, that was not my intention." Hopefully she will get from that what she feels she needs and move on. And if she doesn't come (whether you choose to apologize or not) that is on her and will make her look bad, not you!

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  • A
    Super February 2019
    Amy ·
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    To be honest, I wouldn't have the patience for the verbal abuse and unacceptable behavior she's hurled at you. Maybe it's an UO but I'd let her stew and be petty instead of begging her to forgive me after the behavior over a bachelorette. Sorry if this is blunt and a bit hurtful to hear but her response was really really Not Okay, especially in light of your initial response.
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  • C
    Devoted November 2023
    Crystal ·
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    Now my mom wasn't as my last one 14-15 years ago. She didn't expect to be, it wasn't her thing. If my oldest (18) got married she'd invite me but we have a different relationship. Depending on the activity is whether I'd go or not. My sisters were underaged at mine and didn't go and I didn't invite my former mil either.
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  • Pirate & 60s Bride
    Legend March 2017
    Pirate & 60s Bride ·
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    Personally, I think it's awkward to have a mom or MIL at a bachelorette party.

    Because you did reach out and apologize she is WAY out of line in her hurtful response to you and your SILs--that behavior is not acceptable. I understand you're sad but I'm a little worried about how your mom might react at your wedding and ruin your very special day.

    If you really want her there, what about sending her a card? Maybe write how much you love her and how much it would mean to you if she comes to your wedding. Then it's up to her. You're not allowed to bend over backwards or make-up for anything (she may be fishing for drama, or for you to "owe" her which you do not). She should apologize too for her outburst and put the bachelorette party behind her to celebrate your wedding with you & your guests. If she insists on not coming, let her know you're hurt but acknowledge her decision, then let it go.

    Big hugs to you because this is a painful situation, for sure. Smiley sad

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  • Miaaa
    Super January 2018
    Miaaa ·
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    Honestly it's so odd that she was hurt about not going to your bach party- that's not a mom event. Its not like you kept her away from the shower. Honestly, I wouldn't apologize. She was very verbally abusive to you and her calling you a B*** because she wasn't invited AND she expected you to pay for it AND she cursed out your SIL for being there when she wasn't. She sounds like a whole lot of drama and crazy, and I'd be worried what she'd do for your wedding day.

    At most, I'd send her a message via your sister telling her you love her and hope you'll see her at the wedding since it's a once in a lifetime event. I wouldn't apologize- that would encourage her behavior that she can throw a giant tantrum and get her way.

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  • Mrs Abbey
    VIP July 2017
    Mrs Abbey ·
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    I had my mom at everything for my wedding and wouldn't have had it any other way. IN saying that remember you only get 1 mom in your life. If she truly means to you what my mom means to me I would be devastated for her not to be there. I think you do everything you can to patch things up and tell her you didn't mean to hurt her in any way. I think you can work this out with some effort.

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  • MrsV1027
    Master October 2018
    MrsV1027 ·
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    Wow. I wouldn't tolerate that. If she's acting like that now I can't imagine how she'd act at the wedding and what she'd say to the people who went to the party that she didn't go to.

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  • Forestwed
    Master May 2018
    Forestwed ·
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    You need to put an end to her behavior now. She’s way out of line especially talking to your in laws like that. You’re an adult and she needs to act like an adult
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