Mom! Stop!

No I'm the complete opposite, my mom has ZERO interest in my wedding

Set your boundaries and maintain them. Say no and keep repeating it. Get your dad to help you. People take control because no one stops them. She already had her wedding so she needs to allow you plan your own.

First, speak with all your vendors and make sure they know that only you or your FS are allowed to make decisions. As professionals, they will know how to handle her.

Second, "no" is a complete sentence. Use it frequently.

Every time she brings up the wedding, tell her you are no longer discussing it, and change the subject. She'll persist. Lather, rinse, repeat, until she hits a magic number, at which point, "It looks like you only want to talk about the wedding. I'm really tired of thinking about the wedding, so we'll talk another day. Love ya! Bye." (3 is a good number.)

Third, if she REALLY keeps going at it, make it very clear that her behavior directly affects if she gets invited or not. And that if she keeps up, you'll miss her, but she won't even know where it is!

Oh my, sorry you are going through this. I agree with the advice given from Rebecca in the previous comment 100%.

Right now my mother has zero interest in my wedding, but it isn't until October 2022. We discussed a few things but she was making nasty comments about my dress preferences and how I can't have a formal wedding because its a "barn" wedding. I wouldn't say she's controlling (yet) just negative. Its so draining, honestly I've stopped talking to her about wedding stuff and then she wonders why I don't confide in her I tell her she's being negative and just leave it at that.

So hard because I want to include her in things but I know if I take her dress shopping its going to go badly and end in a lot of tears and I'll have to go myself as my mom is very judgmental.

Good luck Breanna, I hope once you solve these stress issues with your mother that your wedding turns out how you planned and envisioned.

Is she paying for anything? This might make her think she gets to choose exactly what she’s paying for, it also might be hard to keep information from her.


As someone suggested talk to your vendors. Let them know no one else can make changes. Also if possible, do not give her the contact Information.
I wanted my mom and my FIL to do a reading at our wedding. FIL agreed no problem, but my mom threw a fit, she wasn’t doing it. I didn’t ask for a lot, but this was one thing I wanted and we had a Catholic wedding so we NEEDED readers. I was so mad and upset. I stopped talking to her. Not just about the wedding, period. For a a whole month. I just couldn’t fathom how selfish she was being. She spoke to me first, and was like of coarse I’m going to do the reading, duh. I’ll do anything my children want. (Uh no you didn’t say that 🙄) after that planning went a lot smoother. She stopped being so pushy. Until a week before when she thought my centerpieces needed a little “more” I told her I didn’t have time for that so if she wanted it she could do it any lay for it because I wasn’t wasting energy on it.
Good luck. Just remember she’s probably excited too and wants your day to be perfect!

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Completely agree with this!!

My mom tried to take over as soon as we started planning. She thought everyone I've met since birth got an invite, she wanted all my cousins to be flower girls and ring bearers, plated dinner with waiters, big ballgown dress, etc. I just sat her down and told her that yes, we're grateful that she's helping us pay for the venue (half), but we (FH and I), will be making all final decisions. I realized later on, that if I continued to talk about the wedding with her, she'd always have some snide remark or deman. I decided to distance her from wedding planning, and she's gotten a lot better. Can't complain about something you don't know about right? lol

Don't give her any wiggle room. You both need to stand firm and back one another up. If she gets to make one decision, she'll think she gets to make them all. Contact your vendors and let them know NO ONE besides you and your future spouse make decisions. Don't give your mother any contact info for those vendors either.

My mom also wanted to be escorted down the aisle, and we would've done that if she wasn't walking me herself. I think if anything, that could be something you let her have because it's nothing too major. But if you don't want her escorted, then don't, it's ya'lls choice!

My mom definitely annoyed me but it was my mother-in-law who had a lot more opinions when it came to the wedding and it would get really annoying sometimes for sure will you just have to constantly stand your ground

My mom is being as involved as I want her to be. I am also a very independent person and I set boundaries a long time ago. So my parents don't overstep, they want what I want. My dad is annoyed that I changed the venue and he has to drive 3.5 hours instead of 2.5 hours. But other than that on my side nothing. On my fiance's side, there are more people who want to be involved. Which is very sweet, but for someone who is so independent, it's overwhelming. So I assign tasks I am okay not having full control over. Find something for your mom to do that you are okay with her making her own. Let her be involved but you need to put your foot down. It's not her wedding, it's yours and your fiance's.

edit: Also communicate with the vendors she is NOT authorized to make any changes without YOUR approval.

Rebecca is 100% correct, and probably has some of the best advice here!

'No' is a complete sentence is a mantra that I try and keep always, because it really will save your butt!

Communicating to your vendors not to let changes be made is big, I know some vendors can require a password for the changes to be finalized, so if it gets out of hand that's something you can ask for. Wedding professionals have seen all kinds of crazy.

However, if your mom is contributing to the wedding, or is paying for the entire thing, I would say she is entitled to a certain amount of opinion, but just an opinion. If it is not what you want, it's not what you want. You have to make that clear and keep an open line of communication.

Be firm and tell her while you appreciate the ideas they don't fit with your vision and in the future if you want her opinion you'll ask for it.

I agree with what everyone else said, speak to your Vendors, I guarantee you your mother is not the first to intrude on a child's wedding, they should know how to handle this! (Especially your DJ if she is adamant about making a speech, inform your DJ of who is allowed to take the Mic, they can cut the mic if anyone unauthorized grabs it and tries to speak)

Find a specific task for your mom that will preoccupy her time and make her feel involved, are you making your own center pieces or favors she can take the lead on?

Also speak to her, but be empathetic with her, if your her Only Daughter or youngest she may be just as excited as you are and this may be her only chance to participate in planning a wedding. I'm the youngest of 2 and the only daughter (and my brother will probably never get married) so I'm the only wedding my moms really going to get to assist with, she's been looking forward to this day just as much as I have.

The only disagreement we had is me wearing a veil ( i don't want one, she refuses to let me walk down the aisle without one) I gave in, I'll wear one at the ceremony but not reception, she worked/owned a bridal store for 30 years, there's no winning this argument so I picked my battles.

I’m glad I’m getting wedding planning out of my system before my girls get married LOL
I plan to give them money to help, ask if I can invite a couple friends (who they would probably invite anyway since they are close) and then keep my yap shut. Or be a workhorse. Whatever they need.