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Devoted June 2018

Mom with me at hotel the night before?

Future Mrs.Scott, on June 2, 2018 at 8:45 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 9

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I have a week left and as I get closer I think about how my mom has barely been involved. In the beginning she was excited and helping us look for venues and said she was willing to help pay. After the first check she gave us she made a remark about her feeling like everyone is always asking her money. Another convo we had was that I should be mindful she won’t have a lot of money because she had to pay for a divorce lawyer (I’m not going to go with the I’m jealous answer because she’s living with her bf she had during the end of her marriage) and that she also promised my teenage sister a summer trip (they take one every year). I thought the trip response was stupid because if she really wanted to help contribute she could’ve told my sister that a trip would have to be cancelled to help pay for the wedding.
Now let’s fast forward to the present-I’m staying at a hotel closer to the venue. My mom is going to a wedding the day before mine and then wants her and my sister to spend the night so they can get ready and help me the day of. She will be coming over later that night so I feel that she’s not really there for me because we’ll be going to bed by the time she makes it to the hotel. She mentioned that she thought it would be nice if her bf picks us up to take us to the venue the day of.

I’m wondering if I should tell her to just go home and she can come to the hotel to help later if she wants or just have her stay at the hotel with me?

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9 Comments

Latest activity by Summer, on July 16, 2018 at 3:37 PM

Master August 2018
MrsPreach2018 · on June 3, 2018 at 1:04 AM
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The question is do you want her there?
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Devoted June 2018
Future Mrs.Scott · on June 3, 2018 at 1:08 AM
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Yes and no. Yes, because she’s my mom and maybe it would be nice if she was there on my last night as a single lady. No, because of what I’ve posted about.
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Master August 2018
MrsPreach2018 · on June 3, 2018 at 1:35 AM
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I think it would be nice to have your mom there and spend some time before. But, it should be willing and not out of convenience. Have you tried taking to her and seeing if she's able to make it earlier so there's some downtime before going to sleep?
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Savvy October 2019
Dallas · on June 3, 2018 at 10:36 AM
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In my personal opinion, it sounds more like she's using you and the hotel out of convienence than becuase she wants to be. Maybe I'm just selfish, but I would be pretty upset if my mother went to a wedding the day before mine, the one day that I'd need her almost as much as I'd need her on the actual wedding. Is she skipping the rehearsal dinner for this wedding? Do you really want her boyfriend to drive you all?
I think if you really wanted her there, there wouldn't have been a doubt in your mind and you would have automatically said yes.
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Devoted June 2018
Future Mrs.Scott · on June 3, 2018 at 10:42 AM
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FH and I are having a small meet and greet at our house in place of a rehearsal dinner. She was annoyed/confused about us having one since I knew she was going to a wedding.
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Super October 2017
OrangeCrush · on June 3, 2018 at 3:08 PM
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I agree with Dallas - it sounds like she is using you as a rest stop before the wedding. Sorry, but based on what you have shared, that is how it sounds. You are already going to be a bit anxious the night before, do you really want this on top of it?
I would politely decline, saying "Hey I am going to be heading to bed by the time you get here. Let's plan for some time after the wedding."
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Super October 2018
FutureMrs.Jacobs · on July 15, 2018 at 9:12 PM
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Anxious to know the outcome! How did it all go?
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Super September 2019
Mrscolón · on July 16, 2018 at 12:48 PM
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I am going to have to agree with Dallas and OrangeCrush. I am certain that you would love to spend some quality time with your mom before you big day. However, based on what you are saying, it does sound like she is more so using your hotel as a convenience the night before. If she truly wanted to spend the time with you and help you, she would be making arrangements to leave the wedding early enough to be with you sooner.
If this was me, I would politely decline, as well.
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Super August 2018
Summer · on July 16, 2018 at 3:37 PM
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If you're on the fence about wanting her there, I would do it. Families make mistakes, they disappoint us, and they're all around imperfect. But you might always regret it if you don't, and it would be a great way to extend the olive branch to build a better relationship. Plus it might be nice to have some extra pairs of hands. The only hesitation I'd have is if she has a history of causing drama/stress for you at family events (like is she going to stress you out by being there? Is there a chance she'll have the BF plan to pick you up and then he not come through? Is she going to show up really late and cause you to miss sleep? Is she likely to criticize or otherwise unsettle you while you're getting ready? I can't speak to your situation just from what you've written here.) If you answered yes to any of those questions, maybe have her stay home.
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Mom with me at hotel the night before?

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