So let me start by saying I love my mom, we talk daily on the phone about everything and I visit often. I've never been as close to her as my sister and sometimes things are uncomfortable but I was the artsy emotional teen so it is what it is. She also adores my fiance, all my family loves him more than me haha. And she is OBSESSED with wedding stuff and shows. The dresses, the planning, the decor.. my whole life she has been wild about those things. Anyway long post ahead...
Ever since we started talking about wedding planning my mom has been all over the place. First it was complete disinterest and irritated at any word about a wedding. Then she says make a guest list and view places and is excited. Then she says just elope. Then switches to it should be at Disney world so my siblings can take my nieces and nephews on a nice vacation. Then back to the beginning again. The strangest thing to me is she keeps returning to the family needing to go on vacation to Disney. It's hurtful she wants me to plan an event like this around a vacation. But then i feel like i'm being selfish for not wanting that and wanting a normal wedding and I feel even more awful.
She also keeps throwing me under the bus at family events when people ask why no save the dates have gone out. "Shes lazy" "Her sister has dreamed of her wedding since she was little, angelica doesn't care and is clueless" "She hates people and doesn't want anyone involved" "She has no bridesmaids so why bother" I have checklists and have met with and emailed vendors and locations, I also have a binder that I created after getting engaged filled with all my wedding dreams. As for people, my fiance and I have very small families and are shy homebodies, our friend groups are also very small so a tiny wedding makes sense. For bridal party I have 5 in mind, my fiance doesn't have any groomsmen or best man and I think that's perfectly OK, I mentioned once I would trim down to just a maid of honor so he would feel more comfortable and now I'm betraying all my cousins who would've been bridesmaids.
She did go to two venues with me. The first one my fiance and I liked a lot, we went there many times over the years for events so it was kind of special. She thought it wasn't good enough, when I showed her all the beautiful decor options (which are included in its cheap price!) she would just get upset and start ignoring me. She also mentioned that in front of family by saying "shes confused how I could ignore her questions about that place, it was disgusting, dirty and gross" which made me feel terrible about that venue I once loved. She also asked me to make an appointment at a specific place that I explained multiple times was out of budget, but since my parents are helping pay for stuff I gave in because she wants a pretty place and I want them to be happy. After she was angry at me for "showing her such a beautiful place she can't have"
It's been months of this now. Today she managed to go through all her phases in a single phone call. I try to avoid mentioning anything wedding related for very long stretches to hope I catch her at the right time, boy was I wrong today. I dreamed of planning and having fun with her when this time came, I wanted this to be a special experience. I knew it would be stressful but not this heart wrenching, its hurting a lot that she keeps playing these weird games. I struggle with depression and anxiety so this is taking a tole. I've been crying all day, still haven't slept and just about giving up on all of this. But my fiance is here at my side, reminding me our wedding will be a beautiful happy day when it all comes together, I am so thankful for him and so happy I get to be his future Mrs. I think i'm just trying to release all this sadness by typing so thank you to anyone who listens.
