Money questions for budgeting and wedding purchases.

You need to address this situation head on. As you said, he is going to be your husband soon. That means his spending habits are going to affect your life and your credit. You need to determine now if he is bad with money or if there is something you don’t know about going on (which is where his money is going). It may be wise to contact a financial advisor to help you start managing your money as a couple.

It is very important for you to be able to discuss finances ASAP. Different couples do different things (some pool their money while others still choose to keep finances completely separate and everything in between). There is no right or wrong way to manage finances as a couple. The important thing is that both parties know and agree with the plan. If you feel uncomfortable broaching the subject, pre-marital counseling could be very helpful. Effective communication is one of the most important things in a successful marriage and the fact you feel uncomfortable bringing up an important topic is a sign that you two may need to work on your communication. Pre-marital counseling can help you two discuss things like finances, long-term goals, child-rearing, etc. Also, I would be legitimately concerned that you have gone into credit card debt due to his financial habits and not paying you back.

View Quoted Comment Premarital counseling is another great idea! Especially since one of the number one causes of divorce is finances

This is something my FH and I had many, many discussions about. When we were in grad school, I didn't have the money for our security deposit, so he loaned me that. Before our first paycheck in grad school, he footed all the bills but we had every intention of me paying him back. We talked about it before each purchase, and we talked about whether or not I had the money at the time (usually no), and if not we added it to my tally. Each paycheck, I sent him whatever I could, and he just kept a running tally. It took about 8 months, but I paid him back in full, and now we're going through everything as equals. It's an awkward conversation to have, but I definitely think it's one you should be having.

Also, just for personal financial peace of mind, I read a really great book for money management called But First, Save 10! It's geared towards women, but it uses the Cash Flow Management System form of budgeting, and that could be something to talk to him about! That was one sort of loose requirement FH had before he proposed - that I put together a budget and a plan to stick to it (I like to buy stuff, oops). It was weird, and it was stressful, and there was temporary strain on both of us, BUT now we're doing great and have open talks about money and credit card debt and credit scores and investments and all that jazz!

Well the good thing you’re seeing this before you get married. He is not respecting you at all. As far as how to approach it: sit down and say, you owe me $1600 for (show itemized list). Until he pays you back, you don’t lend him or cover him upfront for anything. He can open a Venmo account in 30 seconds and send you money in real time if he has it.


This is a bigger issue. You need to have full financial transparency. You said yourself you don’t know where all his money goes. Find out. You should not marry someone who is ruining your credit score and future life by being either shady or lazy (which is worse?). Both of you pull up your accounts and go through the charges to figure out what’s going where. From there, establish goals and boundaries. Also discuss your plan for post marriage finances. I would not advise opening a shared account with this guy. Until he can take care of his own expenses don’t let him touch yours. Counseling would be very helpful.

Don't tie finances with him. You could end up losing your credit score and owing for his expenses/debts. With someone like this I would see a lawyer regarding prenup agreement etc.

This was an existing problem before you were engaged. He will not change just because you're soon to be married. I would suggest making an appointment with a financial planner and hold off on paying anymore for expensive vendors.

Hi Hannah. My advice would be to consider slowing down....

You've recently posted your concern about your boyfriend's gaming and his reluctance to do his part with basic maintenance of the apartment you share. Throw in the financial questions? You deserve to sit back, take a deep breath and reassess where you're at.

You posted earlier that you are expecting (congratulations!), have plans to purchase a house and get married all in short order. I think you probably recognize that there are signs that you and yours may not be ready to do this without being on the same page with a workable plan. I'm not saying that this can't all work out well - but I think you need to put some plans in place.

I suggest you look into Dave Ramsey to begin working together and have honest discussions about your present financial position and how to improve it to have a successful future. Check out his website - there are alot of free resources and a reasonably priced program ($100.?) that walk people through budgets/goal setting/priorities etc... He has a number of books you can borrow from the library. Doing something like this can both help you feel more comfortable about money and also is a great exercise to improve communication skills with a significant other. If your FH does not have any interest or fights against it - look into it anyway so that you can be better prepared for the future as a mother.

As far as wedding plans, I agree with others who suggested not spending any more money for the time being. A wedding can happen anytime - if and when you reach the point where you feel that you truly have a solid foundation on which to build a marriage.

All the best.