Mother doesn't want to include my FMIL in anything

I think if your mom is throwing the shower she gets to have input on the guest list. I also don't think it's odd that she wants to dress shop with you alone. However, if you WANT her to go with you then that's your choice. No way I would have wanted my MIL to go shopping with me (and i love my MIL).

If MIL is helping financially at all then of course she should be involved in at least parts of the planning.

What do you want? It sounds odd to not invite FMIL and a couple female relatives from his side to your shower. Would you want them there? If so, I think it’s fair to ask that at least his mom get an invite. Especially if they haven’t met, this is a perfect opportunity. As far as dress shopping goes: again, who do you want there? I understand if you are not confrontational but it’s also important to have the celebration you want and not to let your mother steamroll you.

But what do you want? At the end of the day, your input matters because its YOUR wedding. Do you want your mother in law to attend the shower or go dress shopping with you?

I think it's in poor taste not to invite at least your MIL to your shower, considering you're only a bride and having a bridal shower because you're marrying her son!

The dress demands are rude. YOU get to decide who shops for your dress with you, whether it's you alone or you and your mom or you and your best friend. If you want your MIL to come, you invite her and just tell your mother matter of factly. If she throws a fit or refuses to come, that's her choice.

Your mom sounds exhausting.

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She is exhausting, thanks for the advice!

Everything is a fight with her, we talked about getting fake flowers for centerpieces but then I hired a florist instead because I didn't want to have to deal with it and she blew up at me about it. Seems like everything sets her off lately and I have to walk on eggshells and I don't get why - and if I ask her about it she'll blow up...

View Quoted Comment Your mom is feeling a bit defensive which is understandable. Yes, you are about to gain another mother-figure in your life. Maybe ask your mother to have a casual dinner with your future inlaws so she can meet them?


As for other advice, Cool is on point. What do you want out of each event? Who do you want with you?

If you want your FMIL to attend then tell your mom that it is important to you. They are going to be your family too. You want to start the marriage by building a better relationship with your inlaws, not offending them.

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Thanks Lady!

I would love to go shopping with my mom, fmil and fsil (but fsil has 4 kids and I don't want them coming along, husband owns own business and doesn't really get off days and fmil is their baby sitter so tough) FMIL said she'd pay for the rehearsal but idk if we are doing that, my mom and dad made my centerpieces and won't let me pay them back but that is the extent of the financial contributions.

I would like some of my FH's family at the shower, even if it is only his mom, sister, grandma, aunt and cousin - 5 extra people thats it.

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Thanks Grace, we have been trying to find time to have a casual dinner, we had something planned but then covid happened - everyone is fully vaccinated now but my mom is being an absolute loon ball about everything even though she's completely vaccinated.

View Quoted Comment I understand! We also haven't gotten around to rescheduling dinner since COVID hit. My parents and inlaws ran into eachother at a secondhand store the other day and it was the first time they talked since before FH and I started dating, 2 1/2 years ago 🤣



Perhaps lunch somewhere outdoor would work? Vaccinated, open-air, and socially distanced would be MORE than COVID-safe. Sounds like your mom is stressing herself out even more than she is stressing you out. I am so sorry you are dealing with this. ❤ Sending hugs and good thoughts your way.

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I feel like that's totally reasonable then and your mom is just being selfish.

You need to decide what happens. If mom doesn’t like it, she needs to respect it or bow out without drama. There is no avoiding the fact that you are merging families and she can choose to be respectful which is the best way to start out a relationship or choose not to.

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Thank you so much!!

That is really odd she does not want your FMIL at your shower. That is rude. Do you want FMIL to go dress shopping with you? If so, invite FMIL and let her stew. I would not care, lol. I would also be prepared, if you choose to start a family, to get some boundaries out NOW because if you think she is this way now, wait till a baby shows up. Trust me on this one........

Tell your mom you don't want the shower. Plan the rest of the wedding the way you want it and if your mom gives you a hard time, tell her you and FH decided that's what you wanted to do. As far as dress shopping, the most I would concede is taking your mom to one store and your FMIL to a different one.


Your mom is being selfish and unreasonable.

I think your mom's blowing things way out of proportion. I get not wanting to have someone else planning everything for your kids, but she's going to far with it.

Your FMIL doesn't have to be involved in the planning of the shower to be invited, and maybe your mom is worried if she's invited she'll want to contribute/put her two cents in. If you reassure your mom that they're just invited, not planning I think that's a reasonable compromise.

As to the dress shopping, like others have said, it's certainly not your mom's place to dictate who gets to do that with you. You're a grown adult getting ready to get married. Anyone you want there who's going to be supportive you're allowed to invite.

And for wedding planning, it might be worth drawing a line in the sand for your mom that you can involve whoever you want in planning, ultimately the wedding decision lie with you and FH.

I would tell your mom that you appreciate her throwing you a shower, however if you're not able to include your FH's family, you would rather she not throw you a shower at all. I personally think it's poor taste and sets a bad tone to the start of your future with your in laws to exclude them from an event like that (even if it's not you doing the excluding). As far as dress shopping, that's really up to you. Invite who you want to be there with you. Your mom doesnt get to dictate these things.