Mother Frustration - Help!

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I get it, my mom was a downer on my wedding stuff at first because she doesn't have good feelings towards marriage and projects that onto me. I just don't talk to her about it because she'll poo-poo all over my excitement, so I talk about wedding stuff with my sister or friends. The Wedding Police will not show up at your door just because your mom didn't help you plan. It would be great if she could suddenly be a positive and supporting person for you at this time in your life, but from your description it sounds like that just isn't who she is. Realize that she can't give you what she doesn't have, and find your support from the people in your life that you know can provide it. Not having her be your wedding planning sounding-board won't change or disrespect the fact that she's your mom and you love her. And remember that loving someone means accepting who they are, and that isn't going to change just because you are getting married.

First, I'm so sorry this is happening. Every bride wants their mother to be excited, and positive and just your biggest cheerleader, so it's very disappointing when they are not.

Since you do have a lot of time before the wedding, I would suggest that you stop bringing it up to her. Just don't mention the wedding at all. If she starts bugging for details, you can either tell her you'd like to surprise her with certain choices, or you can just put your foot down on her negativity and say something like, "mom, I love you, but this is my wedding. it's not about you, it's about me. I appreciate your input, but FH and I will be making the final decisions on what WE like."

Sometimes, they just need you to stand up to them, and the storm passes. If not, you can keep her out of the loop, and have some peace.

As for who goes dress shopping, that's completely up to you. If you have a good relationship with FMIL and FSIL, certainly invite them along. Maybe have a talk with mom beforehand, telling her that you want her to be a part of the dress shopping experience, but you don't want her to bring her negative attitude to the appointment. Ask her to respect your choices and preferences as a grown woman, and not be disrespectful if she doesn't like something. Hopefully that will help.

I wish you all the luck in the world. Happy Planning!!

Coming from a mom, you are doing a phenomenal job. You don’t have to please your mom! This is your wedding & she is not paying for it! I would not take her to the first few dress appts. Maybe include her either after you have found the dress or when you have it narrowed down to a few.

Your venue is gorgeous! I don’t understand the included table decor...I would want my own! I have a feeling you will knock it out of the park! And let’s face it, somebody has to drive a bit when there is a wedding...both of my nieces were married 4 hours away & we still had at least a 15 min drive from the hotel...we were so excited for them that we would have driven even further!! It is very rare that nobody has a drive or travel time. My daughter is getting married in our small town & her fiancé is from a small town 30 mins away. So they will have to drive a bit further...we looked at locations closer to his hometown but HE wasn’t interested in any of them!
I do think your mom should consider inviting your future mother in law, future sis in laws & FH grandmas to the shower. It is a nice way to connect prior to the wedding.
I would not cut your mom out but I also would not include her in your decision making. Do you have a close friend that you can confide in & lean on?
As far as your mom not wanting to dress up, that could be for a few reasons. Maybe she feels that she isn’t as pretty or fit as she used to be. Or perhaps she thinks she will be uncomfortable all day. Why not just respond with something positive like: Mom you always look beautiful when you wear ...... or just reinforce that you will help her with a comfortable & attractive outfit!
My daughter is getting married Sept 2022 & I have already started to get fit & utilizing my time wisely because it does seem far away but it will go by quickly!
Just realize that maybe you built up in your mind how your mom would be when you were wedding planning & reality is not matching up!

Especially with you saying that this is just how she is, then just not including her in things is the way to go. My MIL sounds exactly like your mom, (we're also having a barn wedding in October 2022) and she originally nitpicked and critiqued everything. She constantly complained about the distance to our venue & that "No one will come" (it's like an hour away) until my FIL finally reminded her that the closer it is to her & her family, the farther it is for my family.

My fiancé likes to give her the benefit of the doubt so he kept sharing stuff with her until she finally tried starting drama to get her way like 2 months into wedding planning. We set hard boundaries with her then and I am the only one who now tells her things when needed. Honestly, it's the best decision we've made so far and I don't regret it one bit. No more whiny comments making me worry about the choices I've made! I'm sure it's harder for you because it is your mom, but in the end you'll be less stressed and happier with your own planning and vision if you don't include her.