Mother has to put her two cents into everything

Say no and change the subject. Do not engage the conversation. Hang up the phone if necessary. Keep doing that and hopefully she will get the message

I would change the subject or if she asks about something I would just say we haven't decided yet even if you have. Don't let your mom's negativity ruin your wedding. She shouldn't be trying to pit you and your sister against each other either.

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Well that's the thing my sister and I have different tastes and there's no comparison we are two different people. I want wedding planning to be a positive experience

First, I want to say I'm sorry to hear about your baby. You're entitled to be emotional given the situation. My thoughts and prayers are with you as I can only imagine how difficult dealing with this loss is in addition to your mom's antics. I agree with the previous posters. Don't tell your mom anything about the wedding. The only thing she needs to know is the date, time and location. Other than that, don't engage. If you're concerned about your mom's actions or behavior on your wedding day, I'd loop in a few family members or close friends to handle any issues with your mom on the day of your wedding and have them handle any issue that may arise with her. For my wedding, my sisters have already said they will be handling anything that comes up the day of ... those things that I don't need to concern myself with. I've given them free reign to make decisions they believe will be best. Granted, I don't have those issues with my mom, but I'm comfortable and reassured (even as a control freak) that whatever comes up, my sisters can and will handle it.

View Quoted Comment I agree with this. Don't discuss it at all with her anymore.

Also if she is that hostile and judgemental, don't invite her and make others aware she is not to be in attendance (with hired security) for your mental health

First, I’m soo sorry about your son, you have every right to feel as you do & you’re definitely not being emotional. Your mom isn’t paying anything towards your wedding so she has no opinion or say so. If she tries to get info on it, don’t engage. If she threatens to not show up, just respond with “well if that’s what you want” & hang up. You have a very healthy budget- that’s around what we’re paying.

I'm so sorry about your baby. I lost a pregnancy in July, followed shortly by my friend having a stillbirth. You're not alone.

"No" is a complete sentence. Use it frequently on your mother, and change the subject. Every time she tries to go back to get a different answer, lather, rinse, repeat.

I'm so sorry about your loss. Such an awful thing to be dealing with and your mother's behavior is certainly not helping. You should be allowed to have the wedding of your dreams, regardless of what your sister did or what else is going on in life. So if you guys are planning something you truly want, which it sounds like you are, it's not any of her business. If it were me I'd honestly tell her she doesn't need to attend at all if she is going to be that way....but I know that's kind of harsh for a lot of people. As everyone else said, just don't discuss it with her and tell her the date that she should show up and that's it. If she's going to act that way, she doesn't deserve to know.

My daughters will prob be paying mostly with a lump sum gift from me, but even if I were paying for it all, I would just tell them how much I could pay, and back out. But I’m kinda hands off now that they are adults.
Now, my girls are coming up with lots of ideas for MY wedding and if I listened to them I’d be walking down the aisle in a 500lb gown with a 30 foot train...they are very excited!
There is a technique called “gray rock” that you can google - it’s a way to handle difficult people without escalating an argument. It takes practice but works for situations like these.