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Devoted May 2021

Mother in law advice

Emily, on December 7, 2019 at 9:06 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 9

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Hey all

My FH and I went to look at venues yesterday and we brought his mom along with us. We looked at the most perfect venue for us. It was absolutely gorgeous and everything we wanted, and we were going to book it. But his mom told us not to, and that she wanted to look at more and talk to her friend about it.
At this venue, she talked about having gardenia flowers, her favorite flowers(not mine though!)
Then I was talking about having a little set-up that just tributes to the people that recently passed in our lives(my two gpas, and his gpa and gma), and she is wanting to add her friends and her aunt and uncle to it! I know that sounds awful of me, but I don’t know those people, and neither does my FH..
I feel like she is trying to make this wedding her own. I appreciate the help she has given so far since my mother lives out of town and it’s nice to have motherly advice. But she is taking it way too far! She’s trying to plan it like it’s her and not ours. She even tried to pick up my bridal dress and tried to invite her friends that we don’t know who they are to our wedding!! I don’t know what to do. My FH says that it’s our wedding and we don’t have to do anything we don’t want to, but I’m not sure how to tell her no.

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Latest activity by Nicole, on December 15, 2019 at 11:52 AM

Dedicated October 2020
Hannah · on December 7, 2019 at 9:11 AM
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I think your FH should talk to her, it may seem like a softer blow coming from him?
That's that experience I have had with my FMIL anyways....
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Master November 2020
Kristen · on December 7, 2019 at 9:11 AM
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Your FH needs to be the one to talk to her about that. Some parents (mostly moms lol) get so excited and they have their vision of the wedding and do not realize they are stepping on your toes. He is right that it is you guys' day and he needs to speak to her and tell her that you two would love to have her involved but she needs to step back a bit too. He needs to set boundaries. This can all be done nicely and hopefully she will understand. Good luck.
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Devoted May 2021
Emily · on December 7, 2019 at 9:14 AM
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Thank you! She has never been married, and this is her first wedding in the family, so she is very excited. I love her to death, but she has been driving me crazy about this wedding! I will have to tell FH to talk to her about it all. Thanks again
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Master November 2020
Kristen · on December 7, 2019 at 9:22 AM
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Ya know it is a woman thing and I am sure I have done that a bit. I wanted to throw my BF a bridal shower but her and her husband already had a kid and had been living together for years so she did not want one even though I had it all planned in my mind ha ha. I am sure she is projecting how her dream wedding wouldv'e been. Just nicely approach it to not offend her but let her know she is included in other things. Maybe she can plan with your mom the bridal shower? Give her something to do?
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Lady · on December 7, 2019 at 11:28 AM
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Just have your FI politely tell her no. Or just kind of put everything off with a "oh that's a neat idea, we'll think about it". I do that constantly with my MIL - I dont' want her to feel bad, but we have very different tastes and priorities.
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Super September 2020
Amber · on December 7, 2019 at 12:03 PM
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I would tell your FH he needs to say something to his mother it's his place to say something not you but if he's beating around the bush about it and his mom isn't contributing no money towards the wedding then I would talk to her yourself⤵⤵⤵⤵But if she is indeed contributing money to your guys wedding tell ask her to put her energy to something else that has to do with the wedding.
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Dedicated April 2021
Simone · on December 7, 2019 at 12:26 PM
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It’s going to have to be your FH to put the foot down and explain to her in a respectful manner that it’s his wedding. If she is contributing financially, then I do think you should at least consider her suggestions or incorporate a couple of things of her. Such as getting your favorite flowers as 75% of the flowers and maybe the other 25% her favorite ones.
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Dedicated September 2020
Kelly · on December 7, 2019 at 11:05 PM
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I would ask your fiancé to say something to her. It doesn’t have to be mean, but she may react better coming from her son. Maybe something like “mom I really appreciate your help with planning, but I think Emily needs to make some of these decisions on her own. I am sure you are very excited but it can be overwhelming at times”. Moms get very excited with these things- especially if your fiancé has no sisters I think they live vicariously through the bride.
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Super October 2021
Nicole · on December 15, 2019 at 11:52 AM
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Your FH needs to talk to her. Also, is she contributing at all financially? If so you'll likely have to allow her to make more decisions. Money always comes with strings attached.
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Mother in law advice

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