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Bentley
Beginner June 2019

Mother in law constantly crying

Bentley, on February 13, 2019 at 11:12 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 22
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So way before my fiancé and i have gotten engaged my FMIL has always been a cryer. Ever since the wedding planning it’s all gotten worse. I get that the first wedding is always going to be a little harder. But it’s getting out of control. She has almost meltdowns about everything. She can’t even listen to one song all the way through without sobbing. It’s honestly so annoying. We were trying to decide on a mother-son dance song. My fiancé honestly does not want to do it, but since I’m doing a father-daughter, i thought it would look weird if they didn’t do a dance. So i texted her asking her if she has any song ideas and she immediately started crying. Like it was just a simple question!!! Then she comes home and can’t even play me any songs without crying. I can’t even have a conversation. It drives my fiancé and i both crazy. I don’t want her to have a melt down at the wedding during the dance because it’s just embarrassing and she makes it about her. I mean we are celebrating my fiancé and i getting married. This isn’t a sad time. I mean, yes it’s bittersweet for all parents, but my mom has not once had a freaking breakdown like this. Like should we opt out of the mother-son dance?? I really don’t know what to do. I’m sick over it. This is our special day and honestly she makes me feel guilty for marrying her son.

22 Comments

Latest activity by Renee, on October 12, 2019 at 1:08 PM
  • earias
    Champion December 2017
    earias ·
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    It doesn't look weird if they don't do a dance but you do. Honestly no one really cares and will probably be relieved they don't have to watch another spotlight dance. I would let this go. If he doesn't want to do it then don't push him. This should be his decision.
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  • Lafuturaseñora
    Devoted April 2019
    Lafuturaseñora ·
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    If your FH doesn’t want to do the dance I would go with that. No point in doing it if he doesn’t want to, i don’t think it will look that weird. You may need to have FH or both of you talk to her about handling her emotions better. She’s not helping at all and although it’s hard for her, she’s supposed to support you guys not hinder the process.
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  • N
    Expert August 2019
    N ·
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    Nix the dance and discussion of anything that she really doesn’t need to know going forward. Father daughter is often done. Mom and son no one will miss.
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  • Tara
    Master May 2020
    Tara ·
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    I recommend you skip the dance. It really isn’t necessary. And stop asking her opinions on wedding related topics, since she can’t stop crying.
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  • Colleen
    Master September 2019
    Colleen ·
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    If your hubby dies not want to do dance don’t make him. Is it happy tears? Some people are just a little more emotional then everyone else.
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  • Bentley
    Beginner June 2019
    Bentley ·
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    It never seems like happy tears. It’s a full on cry. Like she literally will have to leave the room.
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  • C
    Master January 2019
    Cassidy ·
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    As someone who is a cryer, I ask you not to get annoyed with her. I’m sure it’s annoying for you, but it probably is for her too. I literally can not help it! I just cry.
    I drive my husband crazy.
    I balwed every time I turned on my daddy daughter dance song, like the first note. I cried thinking about walking down the isle
    with him. Day of I only teared up a little during our song. Day of emotions will be so different!
    Another nonwedding example my mom cried my entire senior year thinking about her oldest baby graduating. During the ceremony she didn’t shed a tear! She was just so happy and proud.
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  • Kiki
    Super May 2019
    Kiki ·
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    Aw this hurts my feelings a little bit, I have a really good friend who cries all the time it's just how she shows emotion. Sometimes it's hard because I don't know how to comfort her but I would never call her annoying for it, some people just express their emotions in different ways.

    Through reading these forums you should almost be happy she cares and is emotional about it, some MILs are heartless and mean to their future daughter in laws and make their lives hell all yours does is get emotional because she's happy for you guys.

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  • P
    Dedicated May 2021
    page ·
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    My fmi cries alot too i think its more of an excitment thing in my case.Id tread lightly on "canceling" the dance if you already told her about it, she will probably be more upset. Maybe tell her that you guys havw decided to cut both the m/s and f/d dance. We decided to opt of all formal dances except 1st dance for that reason. It is your day tho so do whatever makes you and FH the most happy and comfortable.Another option would be to have a talk with her how it makes you two uncomfortable when she cries, and maybe she will open up to you it could be something else bothering her on top of it all.
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  • Cynthia
    Expert May 2019
    Cynthia ·
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    My FH cries a lot. Every time we listen to wedding songs, he tears up. (Althoigh probably not to the same level as your FMIL!) Honestly, I’m going to disagree with a lot of posters here. Obviously do what you both want to do, but if the only reason you want to nix the dance is because she’ll cry, I think that’s eztremely harsh. I would just pick a really short song, or have the DJ fade out after a minute or so. That gives her the satisfaction of being a part of her son’s wedding day (which a lot of mom’s dream about!), but doesn’t allow her to steal the spotlight on your day. I think cutting her out of this would devastate her, and while I understand your day isn’t about her, I think that’s a little cruel. Over some tears that will last 1% of your wedding.
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  • Bentley
    Beginner June 2019
    Bentley ·
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    I wouldn’t call it happy tears. You don’t see it the way i see it every day. The tears aren’t towards me either. They are sad tears. Constantly sad over our wedding.
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  • Bentley
    Beginner June 2019
    Bentley ·
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    I think calling me cruel is a little harsh. It’s not just crying. It’s a full on meltdown to the point she has to leave the room for almost an hour to calm down. Would you want that done at your wedding? Didn’t think so.
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  • Cynthia
    Expert May 2019
    Cynthia ·
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    I wasn’t calling you cruel, I meant the action of removing a family member from your wedding over crying... that action is a little cruel. I get where you’re coming from, but it’s probably something she’s dreamed of doing with her son since he was born. Of course no one wants that at their wedding, but since you know the likely reaction, you can plan and prepare for it in advance. I wouldn’t take that moment away from a family member at my wedding. I would use a short song and know that she’ll need a few moments immediately following their dance to recover. I would give her tissues ahead of time and plenty of notice to prep for it, and let her know where she can go if she needs a moment of privacy so she feels included but isn’t out in the open causing a scene following the dance. You asked for opinions, so that’s mine 🤷🏼‍♀️
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  • Danielle
    Master June 2019
    Danielle ·
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    This is just my personal opinion, and it's okay if you don't agree. However, I don't think her crying during the mother-son dance is that unusual. A lot of mom's get emotional and cry. Women are emotional beings. Shoot, I cry at weddings even if I'm not that close to the B&G (like if I was someone's plus one). Now, I can see how annoying it is that she cries over literally everything. BUT this is just who she is, and she really shouldn't be punished for it. All parents are annoying at some point. I feel like it would hurt her feelings, especially since you've already asked her about songs, if you took away the mother-son dance. Your special day will be about you and your FH, and her crying can't take that away.

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  • Danielle
    Master June 2019
    Danielle ·
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    Since you asked the question, my answer would be "I personally wouldn't care if that was at my wedding." There are going to be so many other people there that you can literally ignore that type of behavior if need be. I get it's annoying, but again I wouldn't really care if it was done at my wedding or not. BUT that is a difference in opinions and personalities. Please don't take my difference in opinion as anything other than what it is. Just offering different perspective.

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  • Danielle
    Master June 2019
    Danielle ·
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    If that is the case, then don't involve her in the wedding planning. Especially if it is making you and FH miserable. But I would keep the mother-son dance. If she "acts up," so what...just let it go and move on.

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  • Bentley
    Beginner June 2019
    Bentley ·
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    Everyone is missing the point that i don’t want to take this moment away from her. And it’s not just a few tears here and there. It’s the fact that she always has to get up and leave the room for hours at a time to calm down. And i don’t want her to be miserable on our wedding day because it’ll only make us miserable. My option of opting out of the dance was for her own sake of not embarrassing herself and us. Of course i want her to have that moment with him. I’m not a terrible person. I just don’t want her to have to literally leave the ceremony or reception because she is a hot mess.
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  • Bentley
    Beginner June 2019
    Bentley ·
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    I understand she can’t help it. And i hope you’re right that the day if she won’t be that way. Obviously people will cry. But I’m afraid she will have to get up and leave the room or ceremony because she’s a hot mess
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  • R
    Dedicated October 2017
    Rachael ·
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    If she needs to remove herself on the day of the wedding to calm down it won't be a big deal. Don't worry about her embarrassing you or herself. Everyone won't stop what they are doing to stare at her. Honestly most people probably wouldn't notice.


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  • Marie
    Just Said Yes August 2020
    Marie ·
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    Your fiancée needs to decide this. If he doesn’t want to do it then don’t force him.

    My mother in law doesn’t want to let go of her son and everything is always about her. So I can empathize with you.

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