Mother-in-law drama!!!!!

I guess I'm unclear on why you thought it was either of your mother's responsibilities to pay for your wedding in the first place. If it was so difficult on your mom, why didn't you consider paying for your own wedding? Anyway, I guess that conversation is for a different post.

Have you considered that maybe his mom did hear this from someone else? I wouldn't assume that she's making up lies, especially knowing that your relationship is strained with other members of his family. It's entirely possible that someone could have told her that rumor, and that would explain a lot. I think the decision is ultimately up to your FH since this is his family, but if you ever want to be civil with your future in laws, I wouldn't exclude her from her own son's wedding.

She'll only ruin it if you let her. My best advice is to just let your fiance deal with her. Continue being in your own little wedding bubble and let her stew in her miserableness. Your fiance will be ok and if he means anything to her she'll get over it and act like an adult and apologize and acknowledge how she was wrong. Don't let her ruin your experience or your day by giving her any energy. She's not worth the stress. Good Luck girl!

I mean, the money isn't really the whole issue here. we didn't expect anything from our parents what so ever and have paid for a lot of the wedding ourselves. my mom WANTS to pay, but she figured his side would be helping out as well. and his dads side has but just not his mom. she doesn't want anything to do with our wedding it seems. and I literally never said that about his mom so no, she didn't hear it from anyone else. she admitted to my fiancé that she "exaggerated" about it. the only person who has caused drama is his mom. and a little bit of his sister. no one else. the dads side is fine and I'm close with them. his sister was most likely who told her/ made up the rumor in the first place since they're like "partners in crime".

im not really sure why I am feeling attacked by your response? I came here for advice, not to be attacked. and his mother told him that she wasn't going to come to our wedding. It had nothing to do with me. I never un-invited her. I even encouraged my fiancé to tell her to come still. he didn't even want her to come at first after she made that remark. I've been nothing but civil and staying out of their drama. I don't want his mom excluded at all. even though I'm not the biggest fan of her, I would hate for him to not have his mother at our wedding.

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I know I know. thats what my mom keeps telling me and my best friend. its just seeing my fiancé so depressed has ruined the excitement for us both. its not fair for him to have this weighing him down you know? but yeah, I'm trying to stay out of it. I mean I HAVE stayed out of it. and I'm trying to ignore the drama but it gets to a point where its a little impossible to do sometimes. but you're totally right! I'll try my best to not let her ruin the big day. I'm just going to steer clear from her ha. thanks girl

I would probably let her come as a guest, unless you and your fiance are both ready to never have a relationship with her again. However, if she never offered to pay for the wedding I'm not really sure why your fiance asked her to pay? My husband's family didn't pay for any of our wedding.

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Dude I totally get it . My Fiance didnt talk to his parents for the past year (extremely long and sad story) and was very close to not inviting them to our wedding. It made me so sad to see him upset about it but I just tried to be there for him and encourage him to make his own decisions about things. I really just made sure he knew he had someone in his corner and tried to idk just be there for him through it. Eventually he decided to add them to our guest list (which they were already on because I knew he'd come around) and it is all working out. They still don't have a perfect relationship but they'll at least be there (at least hopefully lol). Don't focus so much on her and her shittiness, I'd stick to focusing on your fiance and just being there like a best friend.

You shouldn't have asked her for money, period. Much less in a sarcastic way that it seems your fiance - i'd be p***ed too. That's not your mom's job either, especially if she has more pressing financial matters. Why aren't you paying for your own wedding?!

Making up lies is silly, but you don't know she didn't hear it from someone else. Invite her to the wedding unless you want these shenanigans to continue for the rest of your life.

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I never said we were not allowing her to come. his mother literally told her son, she was NOT COMING. on her own. we never un-invited her. it was her being dramatic.

she is coming now though.

and again, no one expected either family to pay. but he went to his mom asking if she would be able to contribute to catering or something to help us out. which is totally normal to do. and if we're going to get "technical" with traditional things, normally the grooms family pays for all alcohol and the honeymoon at least. the honeymoon was paid for by his dads side.

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It is totally normal to ask your parents if they are willing to contribute? my mom wants to help. it just happened my sister got pregnant a month after my engagement. my mom hoped his family would be helping more but they haven't. and like I said earlier, we have paid for plenty on our own. decorations, the cake, the venue, etc. but its totally normal and not inappropriate to ask your family for some financial help. a lot of families have savings put aside for their childrens weddings (which his mom has for his sister, not him)

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I know you weren't saying that, I'm just saying letting her come even though she is being dramatic saying "not coming" and now coming. But just treating her like a normal guest rather than family of the bride or groom. I think typically you are supposed to wait for people to offer to contribute to your wedding rather than asking them to contribute. True "tradition" is the bride's parents paying for the entire wedding and the groom's parents paying for the rehearsal dinner, and nothing regarding the honeymoon, at least in my part of the country. Especially in this day & age, that is way less and less common, so waiting for someone to offer to pay is more common.

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Thats very similar to how my fiancé was. he was all like "idc if my mom comes or not blah blah blah" and I was like honey, YES you do want your mom there. you'll regret it if you don't. (and trust me, I could care LESS if she came but it isn't just about me its about him too) so I encouraged him to talk to her and fix things. she finally has somewhat come around. we never un-invited her. we sent her an invitation and she wasn't rsvp'ing back and he had to call her and ask if she was coming. she was one of the last people to rsvp. its just sad. I feel bad for him. no mother should act this way to their child getting married.

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Yes, this was traditional in the 40's and 50's. Since we all have to be consenting adults to get married now, it's no longer appropriate to ask your parents to pay for an optional party that you, two consenting adults, decided to throw. I don't think you can blame her for finding that to be distasteful.

I personally hate the whole "traditional" way of paying for a wedding. I think its sexist and a bunch of crap. why should the brides family be the one to pay for everything? it is a joining of families and I will never understand that, but that is just my personal opinion and I know its not a very popular one.

I didn't ask my mom for help at all. she came forward right away and offered to help plan and everything. my mom has been the hero throughout this all. his moms side has hardly asked how the wedding planning is even going, couldn't remember where our wedding venue was or even the DATE. they have no interest in our wedding.

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No it's not totally normal. If they offer - you obviously are free to accept. It's rude to ask or assume.

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Trust me, I've read site after site and spent countless hours reading about advice on this stuff. I never once read anything about it being "rude" to see if your parents are willing to pay or how much they can contribute. it shouldn't be a guessing game. in perfect situations, yeah, maybe the parents will come forward and you never have to ask. but some don't know what to do and so you have to step up and ask. of course in a polite way and not expecting anything.

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I totally agree! Like why would you intentionally make your child's moment sucky (I wanted to use a more adult word but...)? Sometimes people suck. But I think it's like good that you encouraged him to talk to her. I know that's hard, especially if your man is as stubborn as mine lol. At least she's coming! I'd definitely count that as a win! Change your focus. Go like wine tasting or something fun for your wedding. Like we went beer tasting lol to find what beers we may want at our reception. It was wedding related so it made me happy he was participating again and it made him forget about the bull!! It'll be okay though. I know it doesn't seem like it right now but you guys got a win with her coming so now focus on something else that's happy like the drinks and food lol you can't be sad at a tasting lol

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How do you know it was sarcastic? It's rude to assume.

"So, we get heavy into wedding planning and expenses are adding up. my fiance's mother is not asking about the wedding or even acting like she cares about it. my fiancé finally confronts her saying we could use some help financially (because my mom has been paying for the entire wedding and she is a single mom and my sister is also pregnant so its been extremely hard on my mom) and she just blew up on him."

I think people are focusing on the asking for money bit because, based on your OP, your FS confronting his mother to ask for money set off a whole chain reaction of hurt feelings and bad behavior. You obviously can't take that back but I do think it might help if he apologizes for that initial act.

Then you two just move forward with wedding planning and treat his mom with polite distance (as if she were a third cousin you don't know that well). You can't change her; you can't change the past. But in the interest of getting through and enjoying your wedding, I would try to put some emotional distance there and definitely stop expecting her or her daughter to behave any certain way. No expectations mean they can't let you down.

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But half the people here are telling you just that (that it is rude to ask for money). And there are definitely countless instances of it on this site. Of course families and cultures are different, so it's fine if you were raised to believe it's OK to ask for money. But clearly your FS's mom didn't appreciate it. So instead of doubling down and insisting your FS was right to ask, he could apologize and and then you could both move on.

First post you say that your mom is paying for the entire wedding "(because my mom has been paying for the entire wedding and she is a single mom and my sister is also pregnant so its been extremely hard on my mom)," then in your next post, after someone tells you that you guys should be paying for your own wedding and not putting it all on your overburdened mother you say "we didn't expect anything from our parents what so ever and have paid for a lot of the wedding ourselves. " So help us out here...which is it?