Mother-in-law holding shower hostage

That's really annoying because she also has to understand that just because you have a registry doesn't even mean people get everything on it. for instance there are options to mark the items as purchased elsewhere but that they weren't purchased directly from the site. or there are people who absolutely get you things that weren't on your registry.

but even then what does she care anyway, she's just hosting the event! it's not like it reflects badly on her that the registry isn't what she wants.

Honestly, I'd call her bluff and hold firm. Let her be the mother who cancelled her own son's wedding shower. People will still see your registry, and probably just bring the gifts to the wedding instead. And, you'll still get the experience of having a wedding shower with your side of the family and not have to continue to deal with the drama surrounding the other one.

She needs to calm down. Etiquette says family isn't supposed to host a shower in the first place. If she's that upset, that's her problem, not yours. Ignore her threats and stand your ground. If she continues to have a tantrum, let her do that and don't acknowledge it. Don't worry about attending either.


Prices are generally listed at their actual retail on registry lists..hence many couples go through each store individually as they register..to prevent that confusion.
Best of luck!

It's also very common for guests to bring gifts to the wedding if there is no shower or they aren't invited to it.

I feel like your FMIL in taking up some of the planning of things has overstepped her boundaries thinking that she had more say and control over things than she actually has been given.

She seems to be quite pedantic about things that really don't need her attention, and I would probably be as frustrated as you are! I don't think you have done anything wrong and I think you and FH need to stand firm and have your FH talk to his mother and really reign her in, break it to her that while you appreciate her efforts and consideration, she's taken things past what you are comfortable with her doing.

The etitquette of family throwing a shower has long been thrown out the window. I know many MOB's that have thrown their daughter a bridal. I would not even let her throw it anymore. It is not ideal but I would suggest cut down the list and maybe ask your mom and bridal party if they would not mind hosting a little something and then tell your MIL that you appreciate her offer to throw but you would like to keep the registry as is and if she no longer wants to host a shower then you completely understand. I would also discuss this decision with your FH before doing anything to see his thoughts. I agree that boundaries need to be set. She can control where the shower is and other items but the registry is yours.

Oh wow! It sounds like she doesn't understand the generational changes that have occured over time. In the past, it was poor etiquette to ask for money in any form, but with gift cards and honeymoon funds, that stigma has largely gone away. The only people still holding onto it are older generations which is why it's important to include physical gifts on the registry as well, which you have! I am glad that your FH isn't letting her dictate your registry. It's really none of her business beyond buying something from it if she so chooses. Definitely maintain your boundaries. Do not compromise on what you want because she thinks you should have something else. At the end of the day, you two will be the ones using the items, not her. I would tell her that if she is not comfortable planning the shower, you two understand and will take things from there. She no longer has to be involved if she does not wish to be, but things are staying as they are.

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. It’s frustrating. I know planning a wedding in general is stressful enough and we are already dealing with the extra stress that COVID is bringing. She’s just being too demanding and just plain ridiculous. I would just try not to let it bother you. Hold to what you and your FH want on your registry. I think what you’re asking for is appropriate. What I’d suggest is thinking about your original shower. Could you make it a drive thru or drop in shower where you wouldn’t have more than 50 there at one time? Or also would you consider a virtual shower? I’ve already been invited to a virtual baby shower on August 1, which I think is awesome because the mama-to-be lives in FL (I’m in NC) and I wouldn’t be able to attend an in-person shower.

Wow I say stand your ground. This is a set your boundaries stance.

I think that you guys tell her never mind you rather her not host the shower if it's such a problem because you have no desire to change your registry.

She will have a fit but the ball will be in her court. Wedding/shower gifts are important. Why should you guys not get what you want or be able to list things and she be embarrassed.

Thank you all for your advice. It's nice to see a unifying message of "stand your ground".

The more I think about it, the angrier I get. My FMIL has been with us through the whole COVID situation, so she knows how stressful and particularly NOT FUN planning this wedding has been. It's really unfair and, quite frankly, cruel for her to try and take away the shower because she doesn't like our registry.

My fiance is planning on standing his ground as well. He's calling his dad tonight to explain our side and try to get his help with squashing this whole situation.

Just as something to consider, I agree with your FMIL that honeymoon funds and giftcard requests aren't appropriate for a registry. I know many people that find them rude (including people my age--20s), and I know many people won't give to them (and will buy something off-registry if the registry runs out). She may be right that you should just add a few more items to your registry (and some more affordable ones) so that guests who would like to buy a gift from the registry can do so.