Skip to main content
ARE YOU A VENDOR?

Post content has been hidden

To unblock this content, please click here

A
Beginner January 2019

Mother in law not not attending wedding

Alyssa, on September 9, 2018 at 6:43 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 7
Saved
Reply
Hey everyone! I need some advice on what to do. Me and my fiancé are 4 months away from getting married. We decided to do a destination wedding and have a very small amount of people come. We knew for sure that our immediate family was of high importance of being there. My dad is unemployed so I made sure I paid for his trip to come out along with my mom. My fiancé on the other hand told me that his mom does not want to go anymore because she didn’t want him to pay for her or even want him to help her pay for it just to be there to celebrate one day. We can surely pay for her to go and definitely don’t mind. But I feel like this is a really special moment and why would anyone want to miss out on their child’s wedding? I don’t know how to feel about, at this point in the planning process I feel hurt because I really wanted her to be there and I know he did as well. Any advice on how I should go about this?

7 Comments

Latest activity by CountryRoads, on September 12, 2018 at 7:59 PM
  • A
    Super September 2019
    Anna ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    I’m so sorry to hear about the situation you two are in. I would have FH talk to her again just explaining that it may only be one day but it is an extremely important day and it would mean the world for him for her to be there. If money is truly an issue for her (either using it or accepting it) maybe try and explain you were only being fair since you’re doing it for your parents and if it’s a big deal ask her what would make her more comfortable. Hopefully after she hears that her son wants her there on your big day then everything will fall into place. Best of luck, I hope everything works out for you two!
    • Reply
  • C
    Super October 2018
    Cassandra ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    I wouldn’t worry about why someone wants to miss a day like that. You can suggest paying for her to be there, but if she doesn’t, then I would try to move on.
    • Reply
  • HayMrsO
    Master October 2018
    HayMrsO ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    That would be incredibly hurtful to me as well. Maybe if you let her know that you really want her there and that you paid for your parents to be there she will feel better about it? Some people are so strange when it comes to money. They don't want to feel like they "owe" anyone anything, Maybe if she thinks she is on equal footing with your parents, that would help.

    Either way, I hope you find a solution!

    • Reply
  • Rebecca
    Master October 2025
    Rebecca ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    I'm so sorry you're going through this, Alyssa. I totally understand that you're unsure of how to feel about this situation.

    I'd recommend maybe trying to talk to her about how much you and your FH want her there and how she is an important part of your big day! Maybe tell her how much it would mean to you two to have her there.

    This is such a tough situation! I hope talking to her will help!!

    • Reply
  • A
    Beginner January 2019
    Alyssa ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    View Quoted Comment
    Hey thanks for the advice! It is very hurtful, I talked to my FH and FMIL and the answer is still a no. She feels as if it will be a handout if we paid for her to come. I even explained how important it would be to the both of us for her to be there. But unfortunately it was still a no. At this point I’m just going to leave it alone, and it’s her loss.
    • Reply
  • Rebecca
    Master October 2025
    Rebecca ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    View Quoted Comment

    Oh Alyssa, I'm so sorry! I can't imagine how you and your FH are feeling! I really hope she comes around. I don't want her to regret not coming to her son's wedding later in life Smiley sad

    • Reply
  • CountryRoads
    Expert October 2018
    CountryRoads ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    If she wont allow you to "pay" for her trip, do you think she would let you loan her the money??? Not because you expect her to pay you back, but sometimes it is easier to accept a "loan" than to be given money/paid for when it comes to personal pride and autonomy. She doesn't even have to actually pay you back, it just might make her more receptive to allowing you to financially help her attend without being a blow to pride and a need to pay for herself- if it is a loan she would be paying her own way, just not upfront. Does that make sense?


    • Reply

You voted for . Add a comment 👇

×

Related articles

First Time Attending a Wedding? Here’s What to Expect.
Wedding Guests First Time Attending a Wedding? Here’s What to Expect. If you’re attending your first wedding during this “wedding boom,” there are...
How to Attend a Wedding If You Have a Severe Allergy
Wedding Guests How to Attend a Wedding If You Have a Severe Allergy If you're someone with a severe food allergy, attending a wedding can come with...
The Best Black Friday and Cyber Monday Deals for Your Wedding
Wedding Services The Best Black Friday and Cyber Monday Deals for Your... The holiday season is the perfect time to score wedding deals. These Cyber...
Read more articles
WeddingWire celebrates love ...and so does everyone on our site! Learn more

Groups

Show more

WeddingWire article topics