mother in law schemes- advice on how to put my foot down with her?

I am thinking I might just be mean to her. She seems to like it when people are mean to her. Fun she can cry and tell everyone how mean they are.

Bump :-(

Ok I'm going to give the advice to you that Paris gave to me....LIMIT THE INFORMATION GIVEN TO YOUR FMIL!

Don't be mean, don't try and shame her. Either have a direct conversation with her or limit the info. Being mean or shaming her could have an adverse effect and make HER the sympathetic figure.

"I just can't win with her, everything is about her and she complains so much"

Sounds like she's just a complainer, whether it has to do with your wedding or not. I would let it roll off your back. Let her have her opinions (even if they're rude) but don't let it ruin your day. You're so close. Im sure everything's already in place for the most part (meaning she can't expect you to change things now).

Just smile and nod and let her be miserable if that's how she chooses to be. Good luck to you BeeJ!

What should I do about her inviting other people to the wedding against our wishes? Should I just tell her no and let her complain to whoever? :-/

You are correct, bee j. Your wedding is in a couple of weeks...there are no more invitations to be issued. You can tell her that final counts are in and it's a done deal.

Has FH had a talk with her about the guest list?

Diane, he has talked with her several times. He is on my side. He told her to call and apoligize for inviting them without our permission. She is inviting others behind his back, everytime I tell him right away and he corrects her behavior, but she is always behind the scenes manipulating people. She mentioned off handedly that she invited people to the ceremony to me like it was nothing the other day. Even though she has been told by him repeatedly to stop. She cries on the phone to him but he is still unwaivering. This woman is terrible.

I am starting to become more concerned about what she will be like when we have kids to be honest. I wonder, is she going to complain when we move out of state? Is she going to try to teach them things we dont agree with - without our consent? I just dont know. FH is very supportive of me, but she still will try anything to get what she wants.

Opinions are like belly buttons -- everyone has one!

Don't tell her any more than you must. The less info she has, the fewer opinions she can have.

Bee J: Having seen this exact situation with my brother and sis-in-law, yes. She will probably complain about everything. But, as Jac-Jac advised: limit her knowledge about the wedding (and everything thereafter).

I'm happy for you that the FH is supportive of you and not his mother's intolerable actions. That'll help y'all in the future when it comes to the kiddos. My brother and sis-in-law have the same situation (with her mom) and basically have decided to inform her about things, but only after plans have been made. Any opinions are ignored ("yes, ma'am." and "sounds good, ma'am" are my brother's only sentences to his MIL) Stay strong, hon! My bro has made it 10 yrs with a nagging MIL! You can do it! :]

I told all parents that wanted to add people that I didn't know to the guest list that I have put together a list that accomodates everyone and that is in my budget. If they would like to invite others, they can write me a check because I simply cannot afford it. Can you try something like that? Just tell you cannot afford to invite anyone else, and if she chooses to invite people then she will need to pay for them? Also, why in the world does she care about bridesmaids shoes?!

@Bee- def have DH deal with this and not you. FH and FMIL have a very very very bad relationship (she's not coming to wedding). He no longer sees and speaks to her, but my best advice from the previous years is just do not get involved. FH and I always knew she would not be trusted ever with our children.

Tell her youll take her thoughts into consideration and then when you dislike what she has to say tell her i have thought about it but we (u and fh) have agreed upon.... etc