Mother in law.........

You and your fiance should first get on the same page about the guest list. Have a conversation with him and come to an agreement about whether these extra people will be invited. If you and your fiance decide that you don't want to invite them, then your fiance should talk to his mom to tell her that you both decided not to invite them, and that the decision is final. But if you and your fiance aren't in agreement on what to do, it'll make it pretty difficult to resolve the issue.

I agree, you need to get on the same page with each other before dealing with MiL. Would it help talking about the cost of additional guests or logistics of seating? Some people deal better with solid things instead of feelings. Or just talk about the feeling you want to have from the wedding and those around you.


With MiL, I think you need to be firm on “This is the guest list and that’s it. I understand you love these people, but we only want people close to US there.” If you can’t get your fiance in a united front, it’s not going to go well.

View Quoted Comment So our wedding is in 52 days, he says the wedding is about us so he doesn’t care who’s invited at this point. Invites went out a month ago ish. His mom had offered to pay the plates of the people she continues to want to invite. My fiancé is all for it because they will also bring gifts.. so I ask if we are getting married just for random people to give us money? He is just not seeing it as I do. I want people we love there, not his mothers random employees, or 4th cousins no one talks to going. His mom does not take no for an answer he has told her no at least 3 times and she keeps pestering him about it. I feel it is getting disrespectful that she is not respecting his nos. And the only reason he is telling her no is because I’m saying no.

Like others said, the real issue is that the two of you aren't on the same page. and second to that, once you are then you can decide what to do about MIL. You can either let it go, or you can hire security to only let in people on your pre-approved guestlist (of course you'd have to send the list to MIL and tell her she needs to communicate to the people she's invited that they are no longer on the invite list)

Regardless of what happens with this specifically, reflect on if you think FH is willing to communicate with you and stand up for you when there are issues with MIL. Is this truly something you're open to dealing with? Take it from personal experience that boundaries need to be set or it will continue to leak into your relationship with every decision you make that MIL may not agree with (like moving choices, children, parenting styles and rules, etc)

Also, you mentioned questioning if he views the marriage the same way you do (as a celebration of love rather than just for gifts?) You could always do what my hubby and I did and elope before the wedding! it made our marriage special and then the wedding day wasn't as important so all the fights and headache weren't tied to our marriage. But to be honest, I wish we never had the big wedding. Maybe that's something to consider