Mother in laws to be

A sign is not appropriate. Aside from telling her she will not be invited or allowed to attend unless she is civil and on her best behavior, many venues require that you hire security from contracted companies. Their job is to remove anyone who is unruly and disruptive, and contact police if it gets to that point.

Sounds like she shouldn't be invited at all. The only people there should be those who support your union and will make the day better.

I think that unless she has been overtly rude to you before, this might be a time where an inevitable hard conversation needs to happen unless your fiancé already wants nothing to do with her.

She sounds like person to complicate the family dynamic. I suggest that if you do have this meeting at her house just in case if she gets erratic, it will be easier to leave her place than to kick her out of yours.

Plan for the following:
-How to have a united front and set boundaries with what can be said or asked beforehand.
-Park your car at least a block away and not in her sight so that she can't block you from leaving if the worst happens.
-What your "sign" is when it comes to saying, "I've had enough, and we will leave".
-Don't drag out the meeting, just leave.

When you go to her place, offer to bring a meal, etc. Make some pleasant conversation. Post meal, begin something to the effect of, "We wanted to come see you before the wedding, but also wanted to address something that was weighing on our minds..."

I wouldn't bring up other people she is nasty with (for now) because this isn't about them.

Continue with how you want to clear the air, and talk about what is on her mind, if there are any concerns she may have.

In the worst case scenario, you leave quickly after this knowing you tried, and just don't invite her.

In the best case, she opens up, you have a more reasoned conversation, and take it from there.

You can use this bit if you feel it will help, or if you feel that it might address how she is feeling about your marriage:

Parents in general dread the thought of how their relationship with their child will change once they are married, and that might cause anxiety.

Hope this helps.

If it doesn't work, or if you know she isn't the type to be reasoned with, just cut your losses with her. I just hope your fiancé has the strength and resolve to do the same.

I don’t think a sign is warranted as “no arguing” or causing a scene is generally an unspoken rule of weddings. I just think you need to sit down and talk to her and explain you only want supportive people at the wedding and see where it goes. If she can’t agree to be civil you may need to reevaluate inviting her. I’m sorry you’re going through this and I hope it all works out!

I would find a sign like that borderline insulting since most grown adults understand that as a general rule of basic decorum. It's also really passive aggressive to put up a sign to everyone when it's really just one person that you're trying to target. She also sounds like the type of person who see it and think it didn't apply to her. At any rate, you need to address the problem directly. I think Elly had some GREAT advice on how to approach that conversation with her and establish clear boundaries for your expectations for her behavior at the wedding. At the end of the day, you can't control her behavior if she chooses to act out, but you can definitely let her know your expectations and the consequences if she chooses to selfishly ignore them.

I dont think a sign would be the right move. As others have said have a sit down talk with her, be united, polite but firm on what you and your FH want from her. My future father in law and future mother in are divorced and theres a chance the the FIL might cause an issue (although he really is trying) so I will be seating my immediate family between them and have discussed the potenial for removing him from the wedding if there is an issue. So if possible find a fairly neutral attendee who would be willing to escort her out of there is an issue.

I think the sign might be a bit much, and it will also invite too many questions. Most people know that weddings are a place to be respectful and act like an adult. I do think, however, that you need to have a serious talk with your soon to be mother-in-law. As others said, you don't need to bring up that she's been nasty to other people, but I would suggest that you and your FH go to see her (preferably at her house so as to establish that she has equal footing). Tell her that you want to clear the air before the wedding, and that if she has any questions about you, she's welcome to ask. You should be free to ask questions, too, but find any way you can to flat-out say "Why don't you like me?" That could potentially invite disaster. See what comes of that conversation. If you're able to find common ground somewhere, then I'm sure she'll behave herself at the wedding. You still have six months to go, so that's plenty of time to get to the bottom of this and then move forward however seems fit. Good luck.

I think it's better to not invite her to the wedding, so you can have a feeling of peace and avoid unnecessary negativity on your big day!

I think your fiancé needs to have a heart to heart with her outlining how you all expect her to act during the wedding. If she can't agree, she's not invited -- be clear about that with her.

While it sucks she doesn't want him to marry you, her opinion is irrelevant. Digging into her justification isn't worthwhile. Frankly, she's probably doing this for attention.

And do it soon. She'll probably flip out at first, but if she has time to process what you all tell her, she might get with the program

Thanks everyone. The people I have here are 50/50 on it. His mother knows that I know that she doesn't like me now for whatever reason. His family is all kinds of screwy. She has 4 of his siblings and they are all out taking care of a relative. So they aren't here and it's been almost 2 yrs now. He wants his siblings to come, but if we don't invite her or we get mad they won't be allowed. He is debating what he wants more. His siblings here or his mom not. Tha ks for the views I greatly appreciate it.


Thanks Elly, I'm gonna bring this idea up to him.