Mother isn't interested

I think we're going to want some back story or more context here. Are you much younger than your sister? Perhaps she doesn't think you're quite old enough to devote yourself to a lifelong marriage. Is there a particular reason she may not approve of your marriage or fiance. I'm not going to stand and believe that a mother would just be non-supportive or uncaring without reason. That doesn't mean that it needs to be a good reason, but she must have something.

I want to know how a four-star poster still doesn't have an avatar...

ETA Maybe your mom isn't thrilled about your plan to make folks drive 5 hours for your ceremony and a champagne toast and is not willing to endorse such a rude plan?

@Elphaba- that's terrible. I'm so sorry. Do you have relationships with your sisters?

@EC17, I do have an avatar. Maybe it's not showing up?

As for more contex, there's a lot. That's why I kept it short. @TaylorD, I am younger, but only by a few years. I'm actually older than when my sister first married, so I don't think that's the issue. I almost think it's playing favorites, but I don't want to assume.

Maybe part of her lack of support still plays into your age a bit. I'm not the type of person to be able to jump to the assumption of a parent playing favorites, especially knowing that there IS more context that I don't have. I can't really provide any kind of advice, or honest sympathy without knowing the full story.

Is this the first time your mother has favored your sister, or is there a history of this?

How does she feel about your fiance?

If you and your mother have a close enough relationship that you feel she should be involved then maybe plan a dinner date and ask her about it. Lay it out there and she what she's has to say.

Perhaps she doesn't like your fiance, feels like you're trying to compete with your sister since y'all got engaged so close together, doesn't approve of the kind of wedding you want, believes your fiance isn't the one for you, doesn't like your current living situation (living together before marriage)... There's about a million possible reasons she may have. If she's normally like this with you, well then, that's not likely to change simply because you're getting married. If she's not normally like this with you, I'm not sure why you haven't asked her directly.

My mother is the same way. She likes me FS, but does not think we've been together long enough to get married (will have been 3 years by our wedding date). We have always had a strained relationship but it's been better in the last two years and I'm honestly a little disappointed. However she is not paying for the wedding and that could be why she is not comfortable offering opinions as well. Do any of those reasons sound like they could be impacting how your mother thinks about this? How does your FMIL feel about the wedding?

@Elphaba- my sister is in the same boat with our father. Probably a very different situation, but all the same with him not knowing his grandchildren. For her, the protective role comes into play. You have definitely done right by your children by not allowing them to be subjected to a family that might not or does not accept them!

@OP- I came back here to see if there was more information or backstory here. I can tell I'm not the only one who believes you need to give more information before anyone can really help you. I hope that if you and your mom have any kind of relationship, and love each other that you can ask her to sit down and talk with you and find out where her mind is. My mother is a VERY different personality type from me, and I have to almost always approach her with a problem I might see between us. She's usually oblivious to the fact that she's upsetting me, and can't do anything about it without me saying something. I'm not so sure this is the case for you, but I still think that if you're not going to give us the full story here, you should at least be trying to talk to her about this and find out what the problem is. Maybe you can resolve it together.

@SWBoho, my FH mentioned something similar as far as competition. However, she never minded my FH or the fact that we live together, or anything like that. I don't know if she secretly dislikes my FH because she's never mentioned whether or not she cares for him.

To add context as @Taylor requested, my relationship with my mother has always been strained up until I moved out at 18. My sister and mother are drama Queens and have always been close. My mother whines that I don't call multiple times a day like my sister does (we live in the same town and I prefer face-to-face conversations. I visit fairly often, but not often enough to restart fighting.) I feel frustrated that my sister gets the support because she's not known for great decisions. Her first marriage was because she got pregnant and her ex is raising hell for her still. Her current marriage is really "rushed" (if that's the right term) because her FH proposed after 4 months of dating. Pretty sure she didn't know him for long before that.

@Taylor, i have tried speaking to my mother about this, but she has so far brushed it off as nothing. I tried to give my situation best I could here without giving an unwanted life story. Basically, my mother and I never really got along and she's more involved with my sister than me. Which,is no problem, but it would be great to get some support on something I find important and wish she would be more involved or at least fake being happy for me.

Hope that answers a lot! If not, I'll check back in at lunch time.

If that is the case, I would give things a little bit of time to settle. Your wedding IS more than a year away, and if your sisters is sooner, then it would make sense for her to want to focus on one at a time. In the mean time, I think you should try to work on your personal relationship with your mom, IF that is what you want. Maybe she doesn't feel close enough to you to feel like she can involve herself. And from what I can tell from what you're telling us, it sounds like if there is a problem or a reason for not feeling supportive she may not know how to tell you. I would start calling her a little more regularly, maybe not every day, but more. I would talk to her about things non-wedding related, but still keep her involved in your life. Maybe she feels like the only reason you want to talk is because you're getting married? Help her feel like you genuinely care about her role in your life, because to me this sounds more like a relationship issue than a wedding issue, and that absolutely does not mean that I feel like your strained relationship is your fault. I just think that sometimes if we want something, we should be the person to try and obtain it rather than just hoping for the other side to do the same.

That being said, I do know that there are plenty of circumstances where you might not want or feel that closeness. I don't need to know your life story. But it's okay to chose to not bond with your family sometimes, you just need to understand that might mean not having them play a big role in your wedding either.

I can only imagine that it hurts, but if it were me, I wouldn't want anyone to fake being happy for me. I'd rather focus on those who are genuinely excited for you.. maybe if you focus your energy towards those people, your stress levels will dissappear.

@OP: Has your mom always blatantly favored your sister over you? I know we're talking about your wedding and all but if so, why would you expect any different now? Past is precedent. I know it hurts, but it's best to surround yourself with people who will willingly share in your joy.

It is totally understandable to feel sad about this, but people are who they are. If your relationship isn't great, your coming marriage isn't going to change that. Weddings aren't magical solutions to fractured dynamics. Your mother was who she is the day before you got engaged, she is the same person today after the engagement, and she is going to be that person tomorrow and the next day and on the wedding day and 5 years from now.

I would feel sad too. Sounds like you have a good solid head on your shoulders.... I hope you two work things out!

Thanks all, I think I'll stop talking about the wedding with my mother. Save me the disappointment!

@jessica, I did ask an etiquette question about food a while back, but no worries! We moved to a cheaper venue so we could afford food. It bothered me before and the comments helped me insist on a cheaper venue. People shall be fed!

OP I had been in the same situation at one point. I'm sure it hurts, but honestly if you're going to commit to a lifelong marriage you have to let go of other people's opinions about your relationship. Also, when you are married people might talk negatively about your spouse or your relationship but don't entertain it. Make sure you don't bring your marital problems up to your family either. If you get married you and your spouse are a new unit! Just the two of you. Not a three person unit consisting of you, them and your mom...

I think lots of MOB's feel like they're losing their little girl. They want to protect you from heartbreak. Are you pretty young? That could explain her behavior. Either way, I honestly think the best solution for you is to take full responsibility for your own wedding. Don't talk to her about wedding stuff every time you're together. Don't expect her to help. In the end as long as she shows up on your day she's done her job as MOB. Wishing you and your FH happiness! Focus on love.