Mother of the Bride Wants to Be Involved

I can understand how she may feel, if you are close to your FMIL and they are helping pay for things...she probably does feel left out and possibly even a little embarrassed that she can't help. Sounds like she is all up in her feelings, and doesn't know how to act or respond. I suggest being patient with her, which I am sure you already are doing. Maybe you can find some ways to honor her as mother of the bride (which is a very important role, even if she isn't paying for anything). Gift her a special MOB drinking glass, shirt, and/or ribbon. Make her feel special too....HER daughter is getting married! When y'all are all together don't leave her out and include her on everything. As previously mentioned, she still should get a say & feel important despite not paying for anything. Invite her to lunch or do something fun together, without FMIL. And maybe instead of giving her jobs, just share your thoughts and details with her. SHE is your mother! We don't always see eye to eye or get a long with our moms, but they are still the ones that raised us and deserve some patience and respect. Which is why you are seeking advice and venting on here instead of to her....I get that. Therefore, my advice is to treat her the same as you are treating the other parents that are paying for things.

It seems like you are doing everything you can in terms of including her. The only thing you can really do is ask her opinions and invite her to come on visits. As the day gets closer, hopefully you can ask her for help on DIY tasks and errands. I agree with what the PP said on doing something special for her on the day of and definitely have her get ready with you. Definitely include her just as much as the parents that are helping pay.

Thank you!! I guess the biggest issue is that now she is calling the rest of my family crying, etc. saying that I am not involving her enough. She is going to be really involved later on, but I'm not working on DIY stuff until summer and it doesn't seem like she understands that. This was after I told her she can give a toast. I brought her to the dress thing but I don't have anything else I'm doing. We are meeting with the officiant but I'd like that to be just me and my fiance.

So I guess what do I say to her now? She is definitely in her own feelings/head and doesn't know how to act, that is exactly correct.

Thanks for lots of good ideas already!

Yikes, that's a shame because it sounds like she is letting her feelings get in the way of being involved in the capacities that she can. You could put her in charge of hotel welcome bags as a specific duty if she needs something tangible immediately.

It sounds like you've tried to involve her, and she either throws a fit or blows it off. If she brings it up again, I'd let her know that you've tried and she isn't responsive. The day is about you & your fiance, you shouldn't have to force things for her to be involved in because she is complaining and doesn't like the things you ask her to do.

Hmm...I guess you could just constantly reassure her, as much as a pain that may be. Let her know you and FH's plans to go meet with an officiant, but you'd love to give her all the details afterwards.

I somewhat get it financial wise. My FMIL isn't able to help (which is fine). She's asked a few times what she could do to help and I'm nicely just said I think I've got everything covered but I'll let you know if I need help. I think she feels bad for not being able to help, but I don't expect her to help finance my wedding. I'm not doing anything we can't afford ourselves. I'd say you're doing plenty trying to let your mother be involved. As a parent, I"m sure she wants to be involved and have those motherly duties, but times have changed and the MOTB's aren't as involved as they once were. I'd ask her what she'd like to help with to see if she has any ideas. If she says she doesn't know.. I'd tell her to let me know when she thinks of something because as of right now I have it covered.

Why not do a mother/daughter dance? I've seen a lot of those and they're beautiful

BTW....a person giving a toast doesn't have to be contributing to the wedding. It's not something I ever heard of happening. They're just given by people the couple asks.