Moving Cities & Changing Jobs due to Engagement or Marriage

Clarification: We both just started new jobs at the beginning of the year, which is why I'm a little worried about this. We've been long distance for the past almost 2.5 years.

Currently going through this. I'm a college history professor. Jobs are few and far between, but I have a good one right now. However, I'm leaving at the end of the semester to be full-time with FH in Florida (right now I work in Georgia and commute during the week--5 hours).

Making this decision was intensely personal, and it was hard as hell. Ultimately, though, it came down to the fact that I've spent the entirety of my twenties establishing myself in my career, and now I'm well established enough that I can continue to publish, do conferences, write, research, etc., without having a teaching position. FH spent the previous 3 years in Afghanistan, and the most important thing for me was that we be together now.

So, I'm job hunting. And actually I have an interview next week for what I would consider my dream job...full-time, tenure-track, everything! So I'm super hopeful about that. If not, I will probably either try to find a job at a private high school or substitute teach while I work towards a teaching license.

Future Mrs. B - Oh wow, good luck with the interview! Hope you get the job Yeah, I can see how the situation totally changes if you're with a veteran.

I don't have any tips, but after our wedding FH and I will most likely be moving across the country for my graduate school.

It's only a little extra scary because we won't know until next spring where we'll be going by August.

@OHP - And a good city/state to be in! Both of my sisters live in the Twin Cities. I love visiting them there (except not really in winter, because, while I may be from Oklahoma originally, living first in coastal Georgia and now in Florida, I am a wimp when it comes to the cold).

These can definitely be challenging decisions. You just need to always communicate with each other and understand what you both think is best for you as a unit.

Even before we were engaged FH followed me twice after graduation because of the job I had. Now if he were to get a promotion or relocation, I would follow him because he loves his career.

It's a give and take. But talking about what's most important for your future is key (do you both want to work in the future? Will one of you be a stay at home parent? Are there states that are too far? Who's job is easier to change etc)

@A.Magill - Good luck with your grad school apps! That's awesome that he will follow you

@OHP - I've heard Minneapolis is amazing! I'm so happy for you that you guys made it work! Long distance for multiple years is hard...we will be long distance for at least another year until marriage probably.

@Anne - Yeah, we've had some difficult conversations over the last few months. As of now we have decided that I will move to where he is after marriage (PA) and we will live there for at least the first few years of our marriage and save up to buy a house there. After that we will see, I guess...might move for an outstanding opportunity but as of now we'll probably put down mini roots there for 3-5 years. Kids are not really on our radar right now, but I don't plan on being a SAHM for more than 6 months.

I went through this, we weren't even engaged at the time. My then-BF was faced with either finding a new job in our current city, or moving to another state to keep his job (with promotion opportunities). I had hit a ceiling at my job, so I knew I'd be looking within a year anyway. We decided to move and I quit my job. It was scary for me, and we had to put a lot of trust into each other that it was going to work out. And it did! The experience made us a much stronger couple. At this point, you need to choose what's best for you as a couple. There are no more "I" life decisions, it's all "us."

@Miss S - Hmm, good point. Since we are long distance right now, we've both always made "I" decisions. Time to start transitioning to "we" I guess! Funnily enough, whenever I see announcement emails or letters from new or outgoing leaders (university presidents, company CEOs, etc.), they are usually written from a "we" standpoint. As in "Peggy and I have decided to..." or "My wife and I are thrilled to be here to start this new opportunity" even though the spouse really has no role in the job and doesn't really NEED to be mentioned in a company announcement.

We were in this situation as well. H and I lived 2 hours away from each other until 2 months before the wedding, when he finally found a new job and moved to my area. It took him about 3 months to find a job. We also needed to find an apartment at the same time. He got the job, I found an apartment, we signed the lease, and he moved all of his stuff within a two week span. He had only been at his previous job for about a year but we're not looking to move anytime soon so he'll put in some time at the current one. It was a very stressful few weeks but we kept telling ourselves that it was only temporary and everything would come together.

Hello! I am personally not in that position, but I am an internal recruiter, and can tell you, it will not look bad. The main reasoning being, it will be reflected that you relocated, and that that was the reasoning for leaving. Also, "short stints" are becoming more acceptable, given they are presented correctly, and don't raise red flags (i.e. you left A to advance your career vs. you left A because you couldn't work well with the team). I do recommend firstly posting your resume to job boards like Indeed, Monster, CareerBuilder and ZipRecruiter, and niche jobs if your field is specialty, like DICE for IT or ClearanceJobs for government. I also highly recommend setting up a LinkedIn and making it visible to recruiters, if you don't already. These are services recruiters pay for to use to find talent, and if you're on there it will greatly help your visibility. Also, job fairs are a possibility, especially if there is one company you're targeting. Good luck in your job search - you got this!!

@CMC - This is exactly what I worry about, it's fine if you've already been established at your current job for a few years and it's a natural time to leave, but if you're brand new it can be hard to justify on your resume and with employers. In some industries, such as tech/IT, people change jobs very quickly so this often isn't an issue, but in my industry people are often in it for the long haul (although Millennials are changing this). I'm glad it worked out though, yay!

I did. I moved 4 hours to be with my fiance. We are having our wedding here where we live. I had to transfer nursing license. It definantly added to the stress of it all.

@Akshali I live in PA so let me know if you have any questions! Do you know what area you'd be moving to?

Thanks everyone for all of your stories! Very helpful

@Anne - Hi Pittsburgh. I used to live there before he moved there (long story, we had a weird situation in which I was getting extremely bored of my job, so I left but then he also got a good job offer there at the same time....it's complicated lol).

We both have stable jobs here, and live near eachother, but not living together. However, I am applying to medical school all over the country and will find out where I get accepted 2 months before the wedding. So we are going to get married, go on our honeymoon, get back, find a new apartment and move across the country. Hopefully, FH will find a new job, and I will be a full time med student. EEEKKKK.

@MarryingMurray - Wow, I don't think my SO would ever follow me blindly for grad school like that, he'd say finish school first then we'll talk lol. It's sort of the reason I had to go to grad school earlier than I would have liked. Kudos, you're a lucky bride! Good luck with your apps

FH is in the army and I'll be going to school so I'm not going to be working but I will be moving to a completely different state which is going to be overwhelming! We have to find an apartment sometime between his training and the wedding.

@Milinovemberbride - eek! Will he be stationed abroad while you're in school then? I guess you'll have a new experience to keep you occupied!

I moved from TX to NC after we got engaged. He moved to NC 6 months before I did and I started looking for new jobs and doing interviews when we were in town house hunting.

I took a pay cut, but I knew I was going to, making less is kind of mitigated by being duel income now. I had to reestablish myself in a new job and with new clients (ugh)...and find a new social circle.

If you have an offer letter before you move, some of your moving costs may be tax deductible.