Moving in with my fiancé

Congratulations!!

My fiance and I just bought a house and moved in last week, tho we lived together with his parents for 6 the last 6 years prior to this.

If this is your first time living together at all my BIGGEST advice is to not sweat the small stuff, I like things neat and orderly, I like the lights in a room to be off if no one is in the room and a slew of other things. FH will leave his dirty clothes NEAR the hamper not IN the hamper, he'll leave all the lights on in the house if he had the choice, and just throws the whole box of soda or water in the fridge instead of unloading it and making it orderly. I COULD pick a fight or stew in it but instead I just put his clothes in the hamper, turn off the lights behind him and organize the fridge when he's not looking. It all takes 2 seconds out of my day where as mentioning it could result in an argument or disagreement that's not worth it.

Also, for just time management and grocery shopping budgeting, I started making weekly menus, so that way we don't have to figure out what to cook at the end of the work day, I just know what I'm going to be making. I make the menu and look through all the meals I have planned, look to see what ingredients I already have in the house and just add the ones needed to the grocery list and shop solely off that, it helps keep budget down and we're not wasting food cause I'm only buying things I know I will need. (We also use our Amazon Alexa for our grocery list which is 100 times easier than writing it down on paper or a note, cause as things pop in my head I just ask Alexa to add it to my list and then when I'm in the store I can pull the list from my phone in the app and check them off.)

If you've never lived with your fiance before you're about to learn all the weird habits or things they do that you never even thought of. My best advice is to just roll with it all lol

View Quoted Comment Thank you Erin! Congrats to you too!!
Yeah this is our first time living together

Congratulations on your new home!

It's been a while since I just moved in with my FH, but if this is your first time living with someone other than your direct family...I would agree with everything Erin said! When my FH and I moved in together, we sat down and discussed chores, how we'd pay bills, schedules, etc. to try and make the transition as easy as possible. We made a chore list based on what the other hated doing and wanted to avoid...I hate doing dishes, so I clean the bathroom, vacuum and mop the floors. He hates scrubbing toilets, so because I'd scrub the toilets he cleans the dishes and the kitchen. He also takes care of the cat boxes and mows the lawn while I generally feed the animals, clip their nails and groom them. Trade offs! We each do our own laundry, always have and always will. Also make sure you both have a payment plan for bills and are on the same page. This is probably when you will really start to see some money habits come out more. I'm a budgeter and I have spreadsheets everywhere of bills. My FH wasn't as organized as me, so I generally keep track of our bills and we split them up based on income and what we could afford to pay so that it is as fair as possible. We have a joint account, but also keep separate ones for ourselves, which some people don't do. And while it sounds silly...this is important...talk about sleep schedules. I have a VERY hard time falling asleep at night and my FH is a night owl, so he always lets me go to sleep first so I can go through my routine and get to sleep without disruption. Just overall working out your routines will make the transition much smoother! Best of luck!

So exciting - congrats! My one piece of advice would be to remember that it's not going to be sunshine and butterflies the entire time. FH and I definitely had some growing pains after moving in together - our relationship was definitely tested as we learned each other's habits and discovered some pet peeves. Just keep communication open, adapt with the changes, and compromise is key! Also try to split chores evenly so either of you doesn't grow to resent the other for not doing their fair share (for example: I'll load the dishwasher, FH unloads it; FH does the laundry, I fold it; I cook dinner and grocery shop, FH does the yardwork; etc.).

Congrats! I recommend having full transparency and alignment when it comes to bills, rent, etc. Are you planning to split everything down the middle? If there is a home good that you want but he doesn’t care about will you still split the cost or pay for it yourself? All good things to think about. I also agree with others when it comes to housework. I would set expectations early on and stick to them. My husband vacuums while I do laundry. He cleans the kitchen and I clean the bathrooms. I cook, he does the dishes. It’s better to be open about expectations with these things rather than waiting until they become issues.

Congrats! My FH and I have been living together for 4.5 years - it'll be almost 7 years by the time we get married. It's definitely fun and challenging to live with your SO lol. Other than agreeing with what everyone else has said about being open about expectations I'm going to share the biggest thing that we live by in our house: relationships are not always 50/50.

The best way to describe this is like we both have our duties around the house that we take care of on a daily basis, but there are times when one person just can't do what they normally would and in that case it's on the other to pick up the slack in some way. If I'm having an absolutely terrible mental health day and I can't get myself off of the couch, then it's my fiancé's turn to pick up or cook dinner and do dishes, even if it was supposed to be on me. And I do the same if he's not 50% one day.

My parents do the 50/50 split and when my mom can't do her half then it's like they're actually doing 50/20, and my dad will become upset that he's done what he needs to and she hasn't put her part in. In my relationship if I can only put in 30% one day, my fiancé is willing to put in 70% and everything gets done, which is more important to us than who actually did the work. Some days we collectively can only put in 70%, and that's okay too. Just do your best to be willing to help each other and take the burden off of one another when needed, because life is insane and sometimes those strict expectations need to be bent in order for everything to work out smoothly.

View Quoted Comment This!!!! It does not always have to be 50/50. Great points.

You never really know a person until you live with them! If you’ve had college roommates before, it will be similar— you learn their habits, figure out a way to split responsibilities, and learn how to combine routines and schedules. If you’ve never lived anywhere but home, this will definitely be more challenging. Ultimately it is a lot of give and take, compromise, and picking your battles!

Sometimes, little things are actually big things, but the other person doesn't realize it.

When DH moved in with me, we had a shower head with the long loop of tubing. Well, I always tucked it behind the shower caddy, because it was NOSE level with me, and would bonk me in the face.

DH would always leave it hanging.

At first, I thought he was just being lazy, and not tucking it back, and then I realized... he doesn't KNOW why I tuck it back.

So, I told him.

"Honey, do you know that the shower loop hits me in the face when I shower, if you don't tuck it behind the caddy?"

Then boyfriend: "OMG. NO." (He never left it hanging, again.)

So, when it comes to little things... sometimes, just letting them know can make both of your lives easier, with no arguments at all.

View Quoted Comment

Ooh this is a good one! A little bit of communication always goes a long way!