Moving to the suburbs after getting married, a mistake?

NYC is the safest big city in America, and the crime rate is actually quite low.

Ditto on riots.

Please don't believe every thing you see on TV.

I am not speaking from "what I see on TV"...as I said I grew up in CT, I am very familiar with NYC. My long-term ex went to college in Queens. It's a pleasure to visit in non-covid times (except for the time we saw someone get spit on right in front of us, but that's a different story) but crime is much, much worse than the town in CT I grew up in. Would never leave a door unlocked in a city. But that's just me, as I said, different people are different.

I would not have felt safe in many cities last summer. I don't think this is the venue for a political/social discussion, just stating my opinion. The OP has stated she does not feel safe in her city. I don't think it's our place to question her.

I can absolutely say I would not have felt safe living through, for example, the rioting in Portland. I can also say that I would not have enjoyed spending Covid lockdowns in a 500 square foot high rise apartment. This is just me. It is not you, or Rebecca, and or others on this thread, and that is fine.

Again...OP has stated she does not feel safe in her city. I validated her concerns (among several other things she stated) because I agree with them. If she does not feel safe she does not feel safe.

Statistically I think you're spot on.

In our case, we would be moving to a statistically safer suburb than our city neighborhood if we do decide to move. I also think my neighborhood has noticeably become less safe, but I think a few things are clouding my judgment. I was mugged for the first time over the past year, and a person was recently shot dead outside of my bus stop. Also honestly the riots are coloring my view, and I can't help it.

Also, walking around has made noticing people relieving themselves in the streets really unavoidable. I have nothing but sympathy for the unhoused in my community, but I also don't like being flashed. The drug problem is also definitely an issue everywhere, not just the cities, but it is just very noticeable and dire in my city.

I was living in the city, and I can say that I was not getting any sense of community and inclusion. Honestly the people in my city hate each other more than ever.

The first day of the protests was inspiring and moving, but it took a really sharp turn. The turmoil went on for months and months, past the summer. It also included the burning of buildings and smashing of windows. Every business in my neighborhood boarded up. Physical altercations were not uncommon, and in one of them, I saw a child be shoved to the ground and hit her head on the pavement. My place of work was broken into and vandalized. People died. The aftermath has pretty much been people fleeing the city, not feeling closer.

This is amazing to me. My building is pretty small, but the only neighbor I ever knew was my next door neighbor because we shared a little balcony area. The people in my building are willing to help each other out, but everyone is pretty much doing their own thing with their own crowd. Of course, that's also possibly the case in the suburbs.

Also yes some of my friends in the burbs have longstanding feuds with their neighbors haha. Which I do not have because I don't really know them.

I am very close with my church community, which includes people from my neighborhood. I like being in a community with people from all sorts of age groups and walks of life, but I suppose that could be found in the suburbs too.

Yeah, I can say that my 400 sq ft apartment was perfect when I was out and about every morning and evening and going to work in person. For being at home all the time, especially when we were teleworking, it was not the best set up. But even more than it being tiny, it was just lonely. I loved being in the city because I love being social, but during the pandemic it seemed like that was somehow harder in the city than the suburbs.

It really depends on what you like to do and what kind of person you are. I've grown up in suburbs my entire life, I live in one now in a small city in Connecticut. I liked having the neighborhoods, the quiet, and the yards. We were always close to the things we needed, like grocery stores, restaurants, etc. But we have to drive to them, so we have cars. We are actually going to be looking into moving somewhere more rural for our next house because we actually like the peace and quiet and the suburb we live in now doesn't necessarily offer that. The thing your parents said about no childless people living in suburbs is untrue. I actually have many friends in our neighborhood of all ages without children...whether they're older and their children have moved on, or they're my age or even younger and just starting out life. It depends where you choose to live. However, some people LOVE the city because you can walk everywhere, literally everything is at your fingertips. I've never lived in a city, but for me, it's more fun to visit and I've never pictured myself living in one. If you don't mind having to drive places and having a more quiet lifestyle, then the suburbs may be for you. If you're one that loves the hustle and bustle of the city, maybe wait it out until covid is over and then assess again whether you want to move or not.

I am NOT a city person. Many people love NYC but I can't stand it for more than a day. I grew up in the suburbs in NJ and don't think much of them either. I like where I live now, a small town New England "city" that is the hub of a rural area and has all the things I need, a vibrant downtown center, easy access to the outdoors, and no traffic. Different people like different things. As a rule of thumb you can get way more bang for your buck the farther you live away from major metropolitan areas.

I would say whatever you do, rent. Renting is reversible. If you are trying out something new and not sure you will like it or want to stick with it, find a place to rent, try it for a year, and then decide if you want to do something more permanent. Whenever you go to a new area, it can take some time to figure it out (what neighborhoods you like, where the spots you frequent will be, etc) so buying right away in a new place rarely feels like it makes a lot of sense to me. Moving out of a rental quickly is generally far easier than unloading a home you own. In most areas of the country, it is currently a sellers market and market values for homes are superficially high so its a poor time to invest in real estate anyway.

I grew up in the suburbs and absolutely love it. I have no desire to live in the city