Multiple wedding ceremonies - technicalities / legality

Hello!

I would love any advice people have for this issue. My fiancé and I have always dreamed about having a private ceremony with just the two of us and a witness first, before having a larger ceremony for friends and family. My mother, on the other hand, is extremely against the idea, saying that weddings are for the family to celebrate only, and if we’re not going to include everyone, we might as well not get married. What are the options for having a brief (perhaps weekend), secret ceremony before our actual date (not set yet). We were hoping to elope during a weekend abroad. Does anyone know if that requires a civil ceremony in one of the places we are residents (US or Germany) first to be legal? Would it be possible to have two civil ceremonies, one secretly with the two of us and the next soon after with family? Or can you not have two civil ceremonies? I really don’t want to hurt our families’ feelings, but only having the two of us there when we are first married is something that is really important to us, and it is something that we want to try and make work if there is any possible way to do so. Thanks so much!