Must be my Tom, but…

My projected budget right now is adding up to about 17k for 200 ppl.(which is very cheap for Los Angeles all things considered) but I still can't help but think that I could put that money into buying a house. I've also had some large medical bills and just found out that I will be furloughed for a month and half at the end of the year until January (about 4k worth of income). I've been obsessing about how irresponsible the whole thing seems even though I know eloping would make me sad. I've had to have my therapist tell me that I deserve my love to be celebrated every 2 weeks 🙃

That is TOTALLY normal! Every engaged couple will have a different view when it comes to weddings. Some will elope, some will have a microwedding, and others will go all out. So, everyone celebrates their day differently. At the end of the day these couples are HAPPY with their decision because it's what they wanted to do. Money definitely plays a big factor on weddings, but just know you can always compromise where it is needed
My FH and I had a maximum budget of 15k. We definitely could go higher if we wanted to, but because we both have the same mindset when it comes to finances we are only paying roughly about 8k for our wedding! We figured that we wanted to spend more for our honeymoon. And because we have been living in our dream house for about a year now we wanted to put more money towards home renovations as well.
So, it is all up to you! You can always downsize if need be in other areas. For example, you can always do your own centerpieces, do your own party favors, etc. And just know you DON'T have to go crazy with gifts when it comes to the moms, dads, wedding party, etc.! Etsy and Amazon are great places for gifts. The reason I mention this is because I either don't have or no longer use certain gifts or party favors from weddings. So, give yourself a budget and make sure you have an OPEN mindset of compromising or downsizing areas within your wedding.
Again it is perfectly normal to feel this way. I've had my fair share in the beginning, but everything started to fall into place

Well, for me, that much money does seem like a waste. But I also wanted a $5k budget and realized $7-8k was more in line with what I wanted, so we ended up under $7.5k. I'd much rather spend money going on a nice honeymoon, home improvements, and unfortunately student loans. You'll have to consider if your wedding budget will take away from other areas of your life or if it's worth it. The actual amount will be different for everyone and their unique circumstances. If it still seems like a lot, figure out ways you can cut costs but still have a wedding you love.

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It won't affect other areas of our life, but it just seems wasteful. With that money, I honestly would have rather done an intimate destination wedding with our immediate families at the Maldives or something.

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Is it too late to change and do that? I know you said before that even having a hundred compared to your brother's 500 was very low numbers but could you just go to the Maldives and do it and just say to people who are upset that this is what you wanted or would that just be a no go?

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Haha I already have all my vendors booked. It's just a difference in cultures to be honest. For Filipinos, you really are supposed to invite the entire village. That's how my brother's wedding got up to 500 people. I think they invited 500+ people, around 300 RSVP'ed 'Yes', over 400 showed up because friends invited their friends, and it's really honestly just how it is if you have a Filipino wedding in the Philippines. There's no such thing as assigned seating because uninvited people will show up. I actually floated the idea of having a small wedding (less than 50 people), but my parents still insisted on throwing a reception where everyone is invited at a later date so it really would have been the same thing. The cost for our wedding ceremony venue and all the decorations, officiant, etc. is like 2% of our entire cost. The bigger ceremony isn't the issue. It's the bigger reception.

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My mom actually wanted a full blown Filipino Catholic wedding, where basically almost all of your extended family becomes a "sponsor" and you have like a basically 30+ people in your wedding party. I drew the line there and used my fiancé as an excuse because he's non-denominational.

$50k? My God, whats in your budget? My original budget when I started out was $5k, but as we researched, it’s actually about $25k, and that’s really just with a photographer, a reception venue that has everything included already (that was important to us), makeup artist, dress, tux, flowers, etc. you need to really look at what’s important to you. On average couples are spending about $25k-30k, which is a lot, but you can certainly go down and cut it to $10k. If you know someone who can take nice photos, and you don’t mind doing some DIY, it’s actually possible. Because I’m not a DIY kind of girl that’s why my budget is in line with the national average. We didn’t do anything too crazy, just simple stuff. Now, if you think even $10k is too much for a wedding, then look, here’s where I tell you: you do you. If you don’t care about having a party, then don’t. You’re absolutely not required to have one! If you prefer to do a courthouse marriage and eat pizza afterwards then do what makes you happy. At one point, that’s what I wanted (kind of…I wanted just a church wedding, but family pressured me a little into having a party. I don’t regret it tho) and you know what? There’s nothing wrong with that. Absolutely!

View Quoted Comment You sound like me! I have to constantly remind myself that there’s nothing wrong with spending this kind of money to celebrate my first and last marriage (because honey, I am NOT doing this again). I’m always reminding myself about Jesus at Cana. Btw $17k for 200 people? Omg so cheap! Technically my wedding is $25k for 100 people, but because it’s our high season here in FL, that’s actually considered to be cheap. Although it’s in line with what people spend on average.

View Quoted Comment I’m actually DIY all my centerpieces and decorations/styles for my reception, ceremony venue, and welcome party/rehearsal dinner (which is basically a second reception), but it still ended up being like $3.5k. I have a DOC and not a full blown wedding planner. Maybe my food and drink estimates are just too high? I estimated food and drinks to be $6.5k for the reception, $4k for the welcome party/rehearsal dinner so that’s already $10k+ right there. We are having an open bar for both and pretty much everyone that goes to the wedding is invited to the welcome party. Our reception venue is $3.4K, the ceremony venue is $1k, photographer & videographer $5k, DJ $1300, DOC $1.6k, flowers (bouquets, boutonnières, corsages, Sam’s flowers for centerpieces) $1000, freakin tips $1.5k, hair and make up $2k, wedding attire (tux rentals, bridesmaid dresses, wedding dress, alterations) $3k because it’s customary in filipino culture to pay for the wedding party’s outfit. So, those are just the big costs. Then, we have little costs here and there: $500 bridal suite, favors (guests, wedding party, parents) $750, papers (save the dates, rehearsal dinner, wedding, stamps, thank you cards) $750, cake $800, harpist $500, our rings $500. Oh I forgot dancing lessons. I actually have no idea what that costs, but I have it at $2000 est. This is already cut down to $42k, but I think we are going to end up closer to $35k since I estimated for 100% attendance. Man, I didn’t even include hotel night stays in that because my fiancé just went ahead and booked hotels for all his family, our officiant, and my family and not just for us.

View Quoted Comment Yeah I think mine is going to be closer to $35k for 100 people. And I’m with you. There’s no freaking way I’m doing this again.

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That would be crazy having that many people in your wedding party. Can you imagine trying to organise that many people and dresses and flowers and everything for that many? Wow 😯 Glad you could veto that idea. Do you expect the same thing that happened to your brother to happen to you at your wedding where people bring friends and everything and suddenly you have more than you RSVP'ed for?

View Quoted Comment There are definitely areas where the price could go down depending on the number of people in your party. For example, hair and makeup! You said you’re spending $2k, so how many people are getting their hair and makeup done? Just you? If so, I would shop around a little more. Granted it does depend greatly on what you’re trying to achieve. But there’s room for improvement there. DOC $1600…I think if you shop around a little more, you could get a better deal. And food and venue…definitely negotiate a better price! Are you having the rehearsal dinner at the same place or a different place? If your budget doesn’t permit, it’s fine to only invite those that are in your bridal party. That’s what my fiancé and I did. We are not inviting a lot of people to the rehearsal dinner because we just do not have room in our budget. We are paying cash, so we’ve had to put our foot down a few times. I totally understand the custom of paying for the bridal court’s outfits. I actually did the same thing, but I’m not Filipina. But yeah, negotiate some of these prices! I hired a planner, and that was something I learned through her. She was able to lower our venue costs by 50% by negotiating, even though we had signed a contract already. I think it’s possible to make your budget better by making cuts here and there. But again, it does depend on you and what you’re trying to go for. Like others said, if you feel like you cannot cut anymore than what you’ve got, then that’s what it is.

View Quoted Comment Thankfully not! Most of the people we’ve invited have lived in the US for years so they know the etiquette is not to do that LOL! If they do, they’ll be promptly kicked out. What’s crazy is I’m probably spending more for less people to come than my brother did for his 500 people wedding in the Philippines. Wedding industry in the US is just a huge money pit quite honestly. Attach the word “wedding” and you can all of a sudden charge twice as much.

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Oh I agree with that in Australia as well. As soon as the word wedding is mentioned the price sky rockets like crazy. It's not right I don't think. It's good that you won't get extra guests and don't have to worry about them turning up.

View Quoted Comment Hair and make up would be for me, my MOH, my 3 bridesmaids, and our moms so like 7 people. It’s actually like $1600, but my SIL said I should get my hair and make up down professionally for our engagement photos 🙄 so that’s another $250 there 🤦‍♀️ the first DOC I contacted actually wanted to charge like $2000+ so this one is actually a lower rate. I have never thought about negotiating since it all seemed non negotiable. I’m also a really crappy haggler lol. My fiancé really wanted our rehearsal dinner to be more of a welcome party because everyone is out of town. And quite honestly, if we had it our way, our rehearsal dinner/welcome party would be our reception. But, my parents seem to think it’s too informal (BBQ and Brews at our favorite brewery serving our favorite BBQ and local pies!). I mean idk it is what it is. We are paying for cash for everything too so it won’t be like we will be in debt because of this. If our wedding was going to cause us to be in debt, I wouldn’t have it. How did she negotiate the price down? Like I don’t even know what to say?! I think there’s a lot of room for improvement on the alcohol side and if I can negotiate that, I definitely would. It’s really what’s killing us. I thought $65 / person was pretty standard price for food and drinks, but maybe that is a lot? For our rehearsal dinner, we are getting the venue for free, but we are paying for all the drinks.

View Quoted Comment Lol my fiancé actually wanted to get hair and make up for his sister and nieces and I’m just like. No. Dude. He honestly has no idea how much this costs and he keeps wanting to add stuff. Like, he wanted to have multiple local artists and live bands play and I’m just like…. You do realize that’s going to be like $5-6k, right? Versus like around $1000 for a DJ…. It finally hit him when I got really sad at how much this would all cost. I already rationalized it though and I’m feeling better about it. It’s bad, but I’m hoping a lot of people don’t show up lol. Like maybe just 70 people. That would cut the cost a lot. Less people = less food and drinks = less tables = less centerpieces = less rentals.

View Quoted Comment Yes, I agree with her! I did that too. I actually tried my makeup artist for the engagement photo sesh we did, and it was a good way for me to see if I liked her work or not. The last thing you want is to end up with a makeup artist you DO NOT want. So yeah, the price is reasonable then for makeup. So for food and venue, you want to discuss what’s on the menu, what’s being served etc. and you use that to negotiate the price. For example, let’s say they’re going to serve you filet mignon and chicken at your reception. You could ask them to review with the chef to see if they can do sirloin or New York strip instead of filet mignon. You basically want to tackle the menu items one by one and ask them how they can reduce the cost. And again, it’s going to be up to you whether that’s acceptable for you. For us, we were okay going down from filet mignon to a flat iron steak. Steak is steak! If you’re going to have an open bar, consider things like how long you want an open bar for. Also, check if they’re charging you a service charge. Girl, ours is 22% but that’s basically tip money. It’s all just stuff to consider. There’s definitely ways you can reduce the bill. $1600 is cheaper than $2000 on the DOC. Did you sign already with her? I would look for one more quote before you decide. $2000? For that you might as well hire a full time planner! I hired a planner but didn’t intend on doing so. We found DOCs for $1000 and even less, but it could be our general area. That may not be the market in your area. But I would still shop a quote or two more.

View Quoted Comment I’m also hoping to get a lot of my money back or probably make some money from the decorations that I have handmade after this is all over. So, I think once I get to sell all my decorations, I’ll probably would have only spent like maybe a $1000 on all the decors and stuff. Probably would be less, but the flowers are pretty much a sunk cost though.

View Quoted Comment Yeah, I already signed with our DOC, but she’s actually already helped me a lot with helping find vendors and answering questions. And I know I say DOC, but she’s really more of a month of? She comes in like a month or so away from the wedding and coordinates all the vendors I’ve signed up with and creates a timeline for the day and for the vendors. I don’t know if they all do that though.