My BM who doesn't drink is throwing my bachelorette party

FutureMrsBacon- I am in exactly the same situation! I don't mind drinking at my bach party, but I'm not trying to get shit faced, and I feel like my MOH will be shoving drinks down my throat all night. I'd actually prefer dinner and a movie night and like, maybe a board game and a bottle of wine. I'm also a full time student with two part time jobs. It's just kinda like I've got enough going on and don't need to worry about having a hangover, LMAO.

OP- it sounds like she is putting a lot of thought into this and trying very hard to be considerate (with the mock drinks, for example) she is warning you ahead of time so that you don't feel disappointed when you show up. Shes renting a lake house!? That's a lot of money and time she is putting into your party, that she doesn't even have to throw for you. You can always go get drinks at a bar with your girls some other time. Enjoy your party and recognize the amount of work she has put into it.

I would definitely offer to provide the alcohol for the night. I'm sorry but a night at a lake house sober sounds awful. Just let her know you're extremely grateful and you just want to make sure everyone has a very enjoyable time

My mom was a church pianist and it would have been really bad for her professionally if she drank. I don't know if she signed anything like a code of conduct but she and the rest of the ministry staff were very strict teetotalers. I would be grateful your friend is throwing you a party and enjoy the time you get with your friends. A girl I know married a minister and she had a dry bachelorette party. They all seemed to have a great time.

Question, she won't attend your bachelorette if there's alcohol? Are you having alcohol at your wedding reception? Will she not be in attendance? That doesn't make sense to me....

Is she paying for the this lakehouse bachelorette? If she's expecting other people to pay to stay then they have a say in what happens.

Honestly, I'd decline her offer to plan/host. You have other friends who are planning to attend. Have they offered alternatives?

ETA: I mean be grateful she offered to plan but honestly she's literally twisting your arm and guilting you into spending the night the way she wants.

I think it's incredibly rude to just bring alcohol. Yes, offer, but don't just bring it if she says no. She's hosting, not you. Your options are: turn down the party or show up and be respectful of her choices.

I'm also floored by people who can't have fun with their girlfriends without alcohol. I mean, yeah, alcohol is fun, but I've certainly had fun nights with my friends without it.

JordynJ83, no, we don't need to re-evaluate things.

I can have fun too without alcohol. I think though if everyone's renting a lakehouse, they get to determine if they'll drink or not. Unless the facility doesn't allow alcohol, I don't see the problem.

I suppose if the one BM is paying for everything she can lay down the rules, but if she's not, I don't see how she gets to tell everyone what is acceptable.

Why do so many people assume if there's any alcohol everyone will be out of control drunk??? There is a such thing as having a few drinks and acting totally reasonably.

@Jacks I agree that if everyone is paying for it, they all get a say and in that case, they get to bring alcohol if they want. I was under the impression that this BM was paying for it by herself. If that's the case, then I think it's rude to not respect her wishes. I think it's fine to ASK if the OP can bring alcohol, but if she's uncomfortable with it, then I think the OP's only choices are either turn down the party or go forward with it with the BM's rules. I'm just saying I wouldn't just bring alcohol as was recommended by a previous poster.

ETA: @Aqualeo I don't see that assumption.

Sorry . not sorry If I'm losing a night with my husband. Or more likely a night working... I want to be 'off' and that means I want a drink.

Well I guess I'd probably decline a party where one person is setting rules for everyone. That's just me though. Unless they are somewhere that alcohol isn't allowed or underage then I don't get the problem, unless the one BM is paying for all of it herself.

ETA: If i were going for a weekend with my friends to a lake house, I wouldn't even ask if alcohol is "allowed". I would assume that I could do what I want, being an adult and all.

I don't drink. I regularly go out with girlfriends and dance and party and have no problem with it. That being said, I think a bachelorette party is not about the host, it's about the guests. Just like any other event one hosts, be it a dinner party or a wedding. I also feel that a bachelorette is kind of a like a wedding in that people/guests who don't normally drink may want to and may be expecting to as it's a special type of social event. Considering that we stress proper hosting, I think having alcohol, preferably provided by the hostess for the enjoyment of her guests, would be the right thing to do in this case.

Also why throw a party for someone if you know they wouldn't be happy with it?

" ETA: If i were going for a weekend with my friends to a lake house, I wouldn't even ask if alcohol is "allowed". I would assume that I could do what I want, being an adult and all."

You're an adult going to a party someone else is hosting and if you're all good friends, then I assume you know she is opposed to providing alcohol at parties. That's why I would ask. I wouldn't just assume I can bring alcohol to someone else's party when I know the host doesn't like to provide it.

That all goes out the window if they're all paying for the lakehouse because in that case, they're all hosting.

Nah, If I'm an adult going to a lake house with friends I bring food and drinks, even for a bach party. I wouldn't expect the host to provide all of that for me for a weekend. Maybe it's just me.

ETA: This would include if there was a non-drinker there. Unless I'd specifically been asked to not bring alcohol. I wouldn't assume that I can't drink because someone else chooses not to.

@elizabeth obviously you're referring to my post and thats fine, your entitled to an opinion. But the fact of the matter is OP is a grown adult who decides for herself wether or not she would like to have a few drinks. Shes not forcing the BM to drink, but BM forcing her to not would just as rude as the vice versa. Adulting means making your own decisions and if OP wants to bring herself a bottle of wine to enjoy during the festivities.. well thats her prerogative

Jacks I pretty much pick up or bring wine to any social event. As a gift or for myself. I 100% agree with that assumption.

I think that's rude. OP doesn't have to go to this party. She is able to decline the offer. That's called adulting too. Just because someone offers to host a party in your honor doesn't mean you have to accept.

Sarahmouche you are absolutely correct. You can I've been dd and had a great time with zero to one beverage.

But let's be real. Bachelorette. Lake house.

No one but the one person not drinking is thinking about not drinking. You can do you. No one is saying you can't. But Lake house is for (some) drinking.

You think what's rude, Elizabeth? To bring wine to a party?